1 year, 10 months and I'm still in so much pain

This weekend has been horrible. I have not stopped crying. I miss Mike so much and the pain is so unbearable. Last night I was crying so much I wanted to just throw something across the room. I wasn't mad at Mike, I was just angry. I had a conversation at work with a young girl who lost her husband suddenly three years ago and I think it just triggered something in me once again. The holidays do not help anything. Mike was my best friend. I am so lonely for that companionship and no one will ever be able to fill that. He truly was a special person. I miss him holding me at night. I miss talking to him. I am angry that we will not have the time together that we were supposed to have after the kids grew up. We were just getting to that point with our youngest being 14 at the time and at the age that he didn't want to spend his free time with his parents. That gave us the time to be together. He was the only person that I ever felt comfortable talking to. I liked talking with him and joking with him. He was my life. I love my children and grandchildren but right now they aren't filling the void that I have.

My father-in-law passed away suddenly last month and we drove from Maryland to N.C. for the service. It was so very hard. It felt like another piece of my life was just gone. I have not been there without Mike since we were married in 1978. I felt like an outsider there even though I know we are family and his sister and brother keep in touch with me alot.

Everyone tries to help or console me. It can't be done right now. I don't know if it will ever be possible.