1 YEAR AGO TODAY..........

by Mary Carter
(Orland Park, IL)

I lost my best friend, the love of my life, my lover, the man i had waited half of my life for 1 year ago today. It is not easier as time goes on. You go through the motions. My daughter expects me to be around family so I'm not sad. Doesn't realize that I want and need to be sad. I have to work so much in my line of work that I don't have time to think about my feelings. John was my rock; when I was sad he comforted me; when I was happy he smiled and laughed with me; when I cried he held me. I went on pause while i was caring for him through the chemo and radiation. I wasn't ready for him to die; wasn't ready for him to leave me. I still am not. I still cry and I don't know how to shut off those tears. I want to quit everything and leave the stress. I don't want to be responsible for anything anymore. I just want to coast the rest of my life. I think I died with him and if I didn't then I want to. Is that wrong? I have my first grandson that will be born in June and i need to be happy for my daughter and her husband I don't know how to let the sad go and just be happy again.

Comments for 1 YEAR AGO TODAY..........

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Dec 31, 2011
Danny died 1 yr ago today
by: Anonymous

To all of you who have lost your best friend, spouse, supporter, lover.... I can understand how you feel.
My husband was very sick for at least 6 years. It was actually a "relief" when he passed away. Being a caretaker is an impossible task.
I've been doing pretty good for the last year emotionally but was hit hard today on the first anniversary of his death. I miss him so much it hurts. We were married for 25 years.
Things will be better tomorrow.

Feb 08, 2011
Your Loss
by: Katie

I was so moved by what you said i felt i had to write. I don't think you're wrong at all for how you feel. I think that when we lose someone we love so much a part of us dies with them, and the future we believed would be there with them dies too. So it is a death in a way - so much of what we feel is "us" comes from our relationships, and the deeper the connection the more of us feels lost when we lose that.

So please, take all the time you want to mourn not only him, but yourself, and the loss who the self who you would have been able to have experienced with him. But also trust that a new self will grow back eventually, but it cannot grow until you have been able to deal with the grief of the old self you have lost. So, I'd say, please take your time to grieve, no matter how much you love your children and they love you they cannot take the place of what you have lost, and grief honours the magnitude of your loss.

My thoughts are with you


Feb 07, 2011
1 year ago today
by: Mari

I am sorry for your loss Mary.You are grieving and it takes time to get through that process. It is different with everyone. I realize you miss John very much and of course it hurts a lot. We go through all kinds of emotions. John must have loved you very much.

I would say that talking about your feelings is good. There are a lot of wonderful people on this board so you have come to the right place. You might pray too.I will say the road is not easy and we may never be quite the same but we can get better.

My husband passed away 14 months ago and I am doing better but miss him a lot. I have to deal with the financial issues and manage the complex here. I am going to start a new job and continue managing here. I too have to stay busy.

I am thinking that the new baby will bring you joy. I got a great grandaughter a month ago and she is a little beauty. She smiled at me today. I cannot help thinking how my husband would have adored her.

Nights are the hardest. I miss my sweetheart. I trust in the Lord to help me.It is a gradual process, one step, one breath at a time. Please keep posting and remember we are here for you. Take care of yourself too. God bless you.

Feb 07, 2011
1 Year ago
by: Zoe

I know how you feel. Work is great for a distraction. You seem almost... normal.. whatever that is.

But the fact is we are not normal. It is not normal to be without your other half. I was watching one of those natural channels. Wolves mate for life, if one is killed sometimes the other will grieve itself to death. I understand that ..

Why should we work toward the future, when the person we wanted to be with is not here. I understand having no future. I see nothing in front of me. I pretend around my children and granddaughter. Past that, I really don't care.

So you do all you can do, put your head down
one breath one step one day at a time

Feb 07, 2011
Try so hard...


I am glad that you found this site. We cannot heal the hurt but we can understand it.
Friends and family assume that after a year your all better. How can we spend 20 years with someone and be better in a year? mathematically it doesn't make sense. We leaned on them trusted them they were our friends lovers and companions.

I myself somehow think that I should be better after a year. It has been 14 months for me since my Love died.

I do not cry daily, just now and then so that is better. But the loneliness still lingers I want him not another man. So I try to busy myself but it is a far cry from what I had. In fact it is a lie busying myself. Truth is I used to keep busy just to keep from crying now I don't care like I should and wonder if this is grief or depression.

I made an appointment with a Dr. last week to address the situation and got lost. I was not more than a block from where I needed to be yet checked every building in the entire area of St. Marys and was late. They could not see me and I was so upset and flustered I did not reschedule. Procrastination is a real problem of late. So I do know what you mean. I am not myself and have not been since he died. I try but there is less joy not more and I just plod along. Doing the absolute minimum to get through the day.

I hope that you find your way. I hope that we all find some sort of contentment and purpose I know that it is out there waiting for us to enjoy it.

Feb 07, 2011
Who SAYS??
by: TrishJ

Mary~God bless you girl. I like in the Chicago suburbs and have a very dear friend who lives in Orland Park. My husband passed away on December 3, 2010. I thought I was starting to make a little progress two weeks ago. My son and I (who is my husband's Jr.) went to visit our closest friends. I laughed and laughed like crazy (as we always did when we were together). The next day I could barely drag myself out of bed. I realized it was pure depression from my husband not being there with us. It just felt so wrong. The problem I am having is being around places and things that remind me so much of Joe. I can't avoid our friends. They're all like family to me.
I don't know where I'll be in 10 months from now. I know I'm not making very much progress. Yesterday being the Super Bowl (my husband loved football)......Valentine's day next week.....it all just breaks my heart.
Please know you aren't in this alone. We're all here for you. I can tell you (from experience) the birth of a grandchild is as joyous as the birth of your own child (minus the pain). My husband had to leave behind 3 grandsons (ages 2,3, and 10). It will be a bittersweet day for you but just take that grandchild and love it with everything you have. I've vowed to my husband that my grandsons will grow up knowing him. I've already started preparing separate books for all of them with their grandpa's life and legacy in them along with a pictorial DVD.
I too cared for my husband because he was so ill. Everyone kept asking me how it did it. I did it because I loved him. Be strong and try to surround yourself with people who understand. Hugs and blessings.

Feb 07, 2011
Six months for me
by: Yvonne

Oh my gosh. I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes want to be left alone so I can be sad. And then you are so lonely. But you are even lonely when people are around. I miss my husband so much. I cry a lot. People say it gets easier. I don't know. At this moment I don't see that happening. I have no thoughts except to say we are there too. You are not alone.

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