10 Months Ago


(USA)

My Dad has been gone 10 months now. For whatever reason, this week has been especially hard and it has been a tough day. I have been visiting this website for quite some time, and I wanted to say "thank you" to everybody that is here and is on this awful journey. I have not been to counseling, but frankly I feel like this website has become a therapy group of sorts for me. I don't know that I would have made it this far if I hadn't stumbled upon this site. The kind words and the shared understanding are so comforting. I still have a long way to go, and I will never be the same, but each day it seems I make a little progress. I keep you
all in my thoughts and prayers. Barb

Comments for 10 Months Ago

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Aug 31, 2014
10 months after mother died grief can be sharp
by: Doreen UK

Diane, I lost my mother 11yrs. ago at age 77yrs. It took me 9yrs. to recover from grief. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. It was then I realised I did not grieve fully for my mother. I grieved for her more at the same time as grieving for my husband.]
It is not uncommon for grief to overlap and to feel a multiple of grief's at the same time. None of us knows what grief feels like till we go through it. We think we have dealt with our loss and realise when we lose someone else that we feel such intense grief and cannot understand why? I do understand this process of loss. I also say that to go into counselling is a very wise thing to do. Just don't end your counselling too soon if it becomes painful. Face the pain. Walk through it and you will come through this grief stronger and healed to the point you will be able to continue on with your life in a more positive way. Other issues may come up that you think has nothing to do with your loss. Just trust your counsellor. It will all come good in the end. I do understand the family dynamics, and how counselling works. I wish you all the best in your therapy and know it works. I DID IT in my 40's and never lived till now in my 60's. I have healed as much as I can be.

Aug 29, 2014
10 months after mother died grief can be sharp
by: Diane

Me mother died on her 96th birthday Dec 10, 2013.
This had been the most painful experience of my life. Had no idea it would be a life changing thing but it is. Have felt like an orphan and made up my own will and even got Life ins. It was constant pain in the beginning. Was told that grief can be anxiety attacks. and physical exhaustion and that emotional becomes physical because they are so closely connected.
Eight years ago my husband and father died within months of each other. Went to live with my mother after that and it was a disaster. She began getting dementia symptoms but I was the only one who could see that. She was able to act normal to her friends and family.
For reason I won't go into we were estranged for the last 2 years. Her executor got in touch with me that she was dying and wanted to see me. Went to her and she was happy to see me. Reconnected with her and was one of her caregivers for the last 2 months of her life.
She lost her mind 4 days before she died but still recognized me. She became violent and she was sedated until her death 4 days later.
Sold her home and took care of everything. One month ago I though I was pretty well over the pain. Wrong. At her 10 month anniversary the pain hit me like an earthquake and the pain was not only for my mother but was grieving my husband and father.
It took me by surprise and has ben bad for the last few weeks. Am seeing a therapist and he helps me with the grief process.
Would like to know if anyone has had any similar experiences with this scenario. Feel like I am full of pain and am surprised at the intensity of it.
Thanks for having this forum as it does help to get it out on paper.



Nov 18, 2013
Thank you Doreen,
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words of support and understanding. I just read your response to another poster, (about how best to help her grieving mother), and I am taking your advice as I continue to try and help my own mother as well. I pray that you continue to heal, and I will keep you in my thoughts. May you find peace, Barb

Nov 15, 2013
10 Months Ago
by: Doreen UK

Barb I am so glad that you are being comforted by this site. You are still so early in the stages of grief as our recovery from grief is such a slow process. But even after 18 months I still find some days very hard because memories will keep coming back and still affect us. I find the day of the week my husband died is a trigger and so I hate Saturday's. My husband was buried on a Friday but this day doesn't bother me as much as we gave him a good Wake with all his work colleagues there to raise a glass to him. The day went well as funerals go and I do relish this day and wish my husband knew how special he was and how many people honoured his memory. I don't like Sundays' either as being a family day there is no cause for celebration. the Sunday after the day he died was horrible as my husband died late Saturday night and we sat up till 3a.m. Sunday morning, trying to process what just happened. We do have triggers that still affect our grief. Sharing information does help us. I also have gained such strength to cope through being on this site and posting in support of other's. May life treat you well and your grief get easier with each passing day. Best wishes.

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