10 Months In
I am compelled to revisit this site time and again. At times it feels like staring at a car accident -we all do it with horrific fascination. I am 10 months along (sounds like a pregnancy update) and I so feel everyone's pain. "Misery loves company" so they say and it is true on this site because sharing this common bond does help somewhat. It normalizes so many "crazy" feelings. My dear Kent died unexpectly in hospital from undetected multiple bleeding stomach ulcers and I struggle daily with the question " How does someone bleed to death in a hospital?" So I am angry, confused and so very sad. I am very lonely, as all of us are, and I don't know how to overcome the waves of anxiety. I am also very apprehensive about the first year anniversary. It seems it doesn't get any easier. Day-to-day is okay. I function. However, I so wish I could relax a bit. His death is a constant part of my consciousness and it sure is a tiring. I love him, miss him and need peace for both of us. Someday....