10 Months In

by Allison
(Canada)

I am compelled to revisit this site time and again. At times it feels like staring at a car accident -we all do it with horrific fascination. I am 10 months along (sounds like a pregnancy update) and I so feel everyone's pain. "Misery loves company" so they say and it is true on this site because sharing this common bond does help somewhat. It normalizes so many "crazy" feelings. My dear Kent died unexpectly in hospital from undetected multiple bleeding stomach ulcers and I struggle daily with the question " How does someone bleed to death in a hospital?" So I am angry, confused and so very sad. I am very lonely, as all of us are, and I don't know how to overcome the waves of anxiety. I am also very apprehensive about the first year anniversary. It seems it doesn't get any easier. Day-to-day is okay. I function. However, I so wish I could relax a bit. His death is a constant part of my consciousness and it sure is a tiring. I love him, miss him and need peace for both of us. Someday....

Comments for 10 Months In

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Sep 19, 2012
10 months
by: silver

I understand your feelings about the first anniversary of your loved one's death. I felt the same way.How would I handle it? Would I cry all day,some of the day or at all? Would I hide in my room? Would I go out and/or get busy to make the day go faster? I didn't know. I can't say how you will react. It's different for all of us. All I can say is that I made it through.I cried some. I got busy some,and I visited a friend.I called my children.It all helped some but nothing makes you forget.I also put flowers on the alter at church in his memory the Sunday after the anniversary.Nothing will take away the pain but all of it eased the passing. Find something for you. I will pray for strength for you GOD be with you

Sep 19, 2012
TO PAT J in WI
by: Anonymous

Like you, the love of my life, my husband, died of a massive heart attack 15 months ago. For the past 10 days, I've dreamed of him every night and I wake up to this nightmare without him. I thought I had made progress in this journey of grief only to find out it's an illusion. I hug his picture and beg him to come back to me. The life we shared is gone as are most of our friends. I, too, can't bear the thought of being this alone for the rest of my days, but I know that I will never love another man like I loved my husband. What are we to do? When will this pain stop?

Sep 15, 2012
10 months In
by: Doreen U.K.

Alison I am sorry for your loss of your husband. It is hard when our loved one didn't have to die. so many illness's are treated well and some people die who didn't need to but by being neglected. This is especially hard to bear. We will never in this life have all the answers to help with our healing. We can only depend on the Healer to help us get through each day and be a day closer to acceptance. When death comes it will alter our lives forever. Some deaths will take longer to come to terms with. Alison you may benefit from grief counselling to help support you past your anxiety, and all those feelings difficult to get past or live with daily. Misery doesn't always like company. We are not in a place where this is acceptable. We don't like being miserable. We are miserable because our hearts hurt and we can't cope with our loss. There will always be so much misery in Life and in the war zones where death occurrs more frequently. We cannot take on everyone's battles but we on this site can help each other find a better tomorrow. Many have moved in their grief and therefore can offer HOPE to those who have not reached this stage. But in time each or our stories will have changed. We don't remain where we are in our grief. We each have to give ourselves time to heal from our pain and loss. WE will each function in our own way. Grief is tiring and we long for normality as we once knew it. I am in the same place as you. I have only been grieving for 5 months. My husband is constantly on my mind as daily occurrences remind me of him. When I don't expect it He is just there in a thought. Perhaps this is the way it is meant to be and part of our grief. We don't plan our HURT. We don't want to HURT. We just are HURT. It does feel as if I have been in a car accident, and it HURTS. I think we will hurt for some time. We are reminded of this daily when the house is empty. When we sit alone. When we eat alone. When we wake up from sleep all alone. It is a new way of life for us to go through now. We have no CHOICE but to live our life and in time we will find our way to make the changes we can and go on to live a happier life. Because we have entered a new phase of living.

Sep 14, 2012
anniversary dates
by: Theresa

Yes, it was about ten months in that I too started to dread the approaching one year mark. I do believe it was the anticipation, the fear, of what that day would bring. Some said the day would come and it would be like any other day. I instead found myself mentally exhausted and very weepy on that day. Thankfully is was a Sunday and not a work day for me. Once I past the one year mark, I found I had a new perspective. I still think about my younger brother every day but I am also starting to understand that the sun still shines each new day. I want to get to acceptance but I know I have to go thru the range of emotions too. Anniversary dates do remind us of what happened but I'm hoping with each passing year the pain lessons and the love lives on.

Sep 14, 2012
10 months
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Allison,
It is 15 months for me since my husband died. He died from a massive heart attack the day after our 46th wedding anniversary.
I still have a hard time believing he is really gone. I miss him so much also. All the little things we took for granted are what get to me the most. THe quietness in the house, going to bed alone, coming home to a quiet house, his kisses and hugs and his voice. He was the love of my life and always will be.
Our journey of grief is so overwhelming and only those of us who have experienced it can really understand. I come to this site everyday and read so many posts. It helps me in my journey of grief , knowing I am not alone.
I am waiting for the day when I will feel complete again. Right now I feel so out of place most of the time. I do things, carry a smile on my face, yet have this longing for my husband and the life I have lost because of his death. I too, wonder if things really will get better and easier. I have a hard time hearing those comments. I think accepting my new life is the key. Acceptence, for me, is what it's all about.
We were a couple, all of us were, and now it is just ME no longer WE. I long for the WE, but do realize that no longer exists for me. The thought of sharing my life with another man, just doesn't seem possible. Everyone tell me it's too soon. I don't think it will ever be soon enough for me.
We do go on, but we all have a choice in how we decide to go on. I am just taking it one day at a time, and that I feel is all any of us can do.
We carry our loved ones tucked safely in our heart. I feel they are spiritually always with us and that one day we will all be joined with them again, in a life better than this. I oh so hope that is true.
All any of us can do is take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. GOD BLESS!

Sep 13, 2012
With you
by: Anonymous

Allison, I hear you...I am at 10 months and feel like I am at the beginning of this grief journey. I dread the anniversary, can't help but think that the anticipation of it is what is causing all these crazy emotions. This whole scenario SUCKS! I, too, am searching for answers and peace. I am a faithful person but have not found any peace. Hopefully, our day will come.

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