11/06/10 Without My Love Paul Holt

by Hope
(Tappahannock VA.)

My Love,

It will get down to 32 degrees tonight, The house will be warm enough but it is my heart that still feels as if an icy blanket has wrapped itself around what remains of my tattered and broken heart. Yes I am mending, doing better day by day as I was promised when this whole nightmare started 11 months ago. But the yearning for You, for Us will not leave me be. It haunts me and drags my happiness down trying to defeat my progress.

When will the day come that I can greet the day with the permanent optimism that I once had. Able to ride the life ride without the anchor of grief weighing me down?

There is strength within me I know, I have been through plenty of living before you died. But this is not just another battle to fight my way through. Not right or wrong to be conquered, someone in need to be helped...

This is me, alone without you trying to continue with life and not waste it. I do not want to drown in my own sorrow but I do not see how to let you go. To keep you a warm memory as I travel the road to recovery.

Comments for 11/06/10 Without My Love Paul Holt

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Oct 14, 2011
2 years without My Love

My Love,

As Halloween approaches I feel a giddiness that was not there last year. I in fact cursed Halloween and swore that I would never celebrate another. But is is wrong to suppress life. To stop living because you are not here to live with me.

Going on 2 years 12/06/11 and the bad miserable feelings try to invade the new life that I try so hard to make. I am sad and lonely once again without you. I do not understand these feelings that I thought I had pretty much conquered. My grief counselor that I ran to said there will always be "trigger points" and Halloween was our big shebang.

It was our family reunion and all our friends and family were welcomed, we would plan for months. So as the Holidays approach Halloween Thanksgiving and Christmas I will forgive myself for this backwards slide as I give in to grief. I will live the life that we should have but will live it fully without you...
Love and Miss you still
Your Wife Always

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