12 years of marriage gone to prostitute addiction

by haley
(new jersey)

My name is Haley. My husband of almost twelve years has been seeing prostitutes our whole marriage and even before we met. We are the same age of 33. We married each other when we were 21 years old.

He has been seeing prostitutes since he was 18 when his uncle took him to a brothel. I can't believe I wasted all my twenties with a man who was so addicted to sex and never would touch me. I wasted all my youth with him. He spent over twenty thousand dollars a year on prostitutes our whole marriage, with this year being the worst. He spent fifteen thousand dollars in five months. He never let me work.

I am screwed. He took out a dozen credit cards in my name and charged them up to the maximum. I owe about seventy thousand dollars in my name alone because of his addiction. He is an accountant and never let me see the bills. I am so stupid. Luckily we have no children together.

I spoke to one of the prostitutes. She was nice and helped me a lot to see the truth. He would take off his wedding ring with all his escorts and say he was single. He western unioned this woman money with a credit card in my name. Spent about one thousand dollars on her with only three visits. But she is only one of dozens and dozens this year alone.

Wow this sucks. There is NO NO NO WORDS in our language to describe the pain of my life and marriage of illusion. He says he wants to me to stay and he will change LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Luckily I have no STD'S. I know God protected me and I am so thankful. Time to get out while I am still alive although I am dying a financial death.

Whoever says go-go bars are harmless and internet porn is harmless are fools. Our country is destroying itself from within. Destroying families one by one for the cost of sexual freedom. LOL for such a free sexual society we sure are whacked out and as unhappy as ever. I am mourning the death of my marriage and the death of an innocence I had.

Went through the scrapbooks I made. I am super sensitive and sentimental. I kept napkins from unique restaurants and sand from all the beaches we visited. It sucks. It is the worst pain of my life. It is just like losing a loved one. It does help to know that I am not the only one mourning in this life. I wish we could all get together and have one big hug and know that we will all be OK someday and the pain will go away.

I keep telling myself that I will be OK but I cry everywhere and anywhere at any moment. Getting my nails done I cry. Ordering a coffee I cry. It is a pain that there is no words for.

Comments for 12 years of marriage gone to prostitute addiction

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Dec 24, 2014
karma is alive
by: Anonymous

Hi all,

I've been using prostitutes for 4 years and of which 2 were married. During the time I was married, I never had sex with them, just went to see for oral relief. I still felt so guilty and I was addicted.

When my wife told me she was pregnant I was so happy. I stopped for a couple of months and then something in me made me start again. A few weeks later my wife had a miscarriage. Needless to say we were devastated. Its not a nice experience for a woman at all.

I believe God protected my wife and taught me a lesson. My wife is absolutely stunning and yet I still didi it. Im still tempted now and I lead a double life. I haven't seen a prostitute for months and me and wife are planning for other baby.

I cant screw this up and need advice on how I can stop these feelings of me wanting to see a prostitute. I dont know whats wrong with me and it is making me slightly depressed. I hate myself for what Im doing but Im fighting the feeling and temptation.

Dec 19, 2014
It's been 17 months
by: Anonymous

I found out July 2013 that my husband of over 11 years was having sex with escorts for years. We have two beautiful children which is why I tried to work things out. I went into counselling, stayed with him but it came to a point where I just couldn't get over him cheating and wondering if he was still heating and still lying. When trust is gone how do you have a marriage? I cried daily, questioned daily what did I do for him to want to see escorts? I am an attractive woman who does get attention when I go out. I am a kind hearted woman who pours love on those dear to me. I came to realize it was nothing I did, it was his sickness. We are now separated and I am dating an amazing man. I feel happy again. There is hope ladies. It is a hard journey and I'm still in counselling, but no one deserves to be in a relationship like that.

Dec 18, 2014
To Escort Addiction
by: Tina

I completely understand the grief and heartache you are feeling. I am still with my husband and it is a struggle from day to day. Like you, I constantly have visions of him with prostitutes and it is so hard to stop obsessing about it. I have taken off my wedding ring, it is meaningless now and apparently I was the only one who took my vows seriously. I don't even understand why he wanted to marry me in the first place, he says he loves me, but his actions prove otherwise. How can they? The one thing he absolutely swore to me that he would never do was be unfaithful, yet he was doing it all along and lied with such sincerity. I feel like such a gullible fool. My heart aches so much when I think of these filthy parasites touching my husband, what should have been mine alone, no one else! It blows me away that so many men do this. They have no idea of the damage it does and how easily they destroy someone who loves them. It is getting easier to deal with as each day goes by, but I don't hold much hope that our marriage will survive this.

Dec 17, 2014
Escort addiction
by: Anonymous

I see others have found their husband doing same. As I lie in bed at night quietly crying I know that you too are feeling the same pain and disgust as me. Please tell me how if my husband truly loved me he could do this to our marriage and children? So many whores he has seen for sex. Whores who just want money from him and every other pathetic idiot they can lure to keep coming back. Sadly my husband posted on the whore websites how amazing, hot, and enjoyable his numerous sex dates were. These words and visions of him with the whores play in my head over and over. He kept going back for more and more. There is no way on earth anybody could know the hurt I feel. How can somebody come home everyday and pretend to be a faithful husband and great dad after paying a whore ? Can being caught make him stop for good? Of course I am not getting over this fast enough for him. Like other ladies on this site tears flow daily and I struggle to keep things together for the sake of our children.

Dec 14, 2014
Reply to: Dec 7th post by An independent helpless clueless woman in deep pain
by: I believe I can change

Dear "independent helpless clueless woman in deep pain",

If you even recognize the thought of suicide as an option, PLEASE Consult a therapist immediately about these thoughts.

You're only given 1 life. Cherish it. There are so many wonderful things you can do with life, that I would feel angry at myself of robbing myself out of them. Make plans, set goals, and see them out. Always look ahead and try to conquer every obstacle and hurdle in your way.

Feel free to read up on all of my posts over the last year. This is MY template for recovering from a man's perspective. I'm sure there will be a lot of overlapping items when it comes to other men's recovery from those who genuinely demand recovery from this illness.

Good luck and may God bless you in your time of need.

Dec 07, 2014
My husband does this too.
by: Tina

I found out a month ago that my husband has been seeing prostitutes for 6 years, probably longer. He was also having an affair with a woman that he was seeing during his first marriage. Ouch!!! His ex wife found out about her and they eventually divorced. She never knew about the whores. My husband was heavily into porn and said that "men are visual creatures" and that it was harmless. No it isn't. It just leads to more destructive behaviour. I found out by looking at text messages on his phone after a message came through from the girlfriend. So I downloaded all his deleted text messages and got the shock of my life. He sent messages back to the whores after their session telling them how good they made him feel and describing what they had done to him. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. I was livid! He said he only went twice! Bullshit. Messages dated back for years and I called so many of them. One even apologised to me! You feel like everything about your relationship has been a lie. We had a brilliant sex life and he was always saying that he had never had sex with anyone like me before. To say that finding out was devastating is an understatement. I feel completely betrayed, taken for granted, and have no confidence or self esteem at all. But, I know this is not my fault. It is entirely his fault for being so self absorbed and selfish. He has wasted thousands and thousands of dollars of our money on these filthy slags. He gave me an STD which thankfully has now cleared. Very humiliating having to go to a doctor and explaining. My husband even had the gall to say I gave it to him. Ummm... Who is the more likely candidate? A wife who has always been faithful, or a filthy husband who fxxxs whores every week! This has turned my life upside down. My husband sleeps like a baby and is actually quite impatient with me for still being depressed and anxious since I found out. We are both having counselling and our therapist says she has a theory about why he is doing this. My fear is that he is going to just use this "theory" as a get out of jail free card and say it wasn't his fault. There will be no consequences, no guilt or remorse, just another excuse for what is ultimately just bad behaviour, no respect for me or our marriage and a complete and utter disregard for what it has done to me. I think when the dust settles he will start doing it again, he will just get sneakier. He will get another phone and hide it. Why do we still love them? I have no idea why I am still with him. I don't know if the counselling will help, i think he is just doing it to shut me up. Time will tell..

Dec 07, 2014
Marriages are fake
by: An independent helpless clueless woman in deep pain

I have a very similar story to tell. I am 30 years. 7 years of marriage, a decade of being with him and what I get is a cheating husband. I found out in July and he kept lying till Oct. He confessed sleeping with two whore, a total of three times.

The worst part is I do not want to leave him... Ok no the worst part is he is not even guilty. He has found a way to blame it on me. More than that, he tells me it will not be normal again and I should leave him. And I still do not want to leave... He has done the same financial thing to me, burnt our money on shopping for expensive gadgets and left me in debt. I am an independent woman and might be able to take care of finances after leaving him but as I already stated I do not have the courage or the will to do so... I think I love him and cannot bare the thought of living without him... It hurts like hell. I want to run around and tell everyone not to get married because they are fake contracts(i wont even call them a relationship)(70% of people cheat as per stats, then I wonder is it normal then)

The stats however do not help when I want to kill myself at times... I am so angry with him and then I am angry with myself to not being able to move on... I don't know what to do!

Dec 02, 2014
To anonymous
by: Fallen husbad

As a wayward husband who fell into this trap also, I can only imagine what you are going through. I confessed to my wife three weeks ago and she is distraught. I think, for what it's worth, that you speak to a close friend who you can trust. My wife has internalized things for a couple of weeks but has summoned up the strength to tell one or two friends who will weep with her for my misdeeds.

Dec 01, 2014
Escort addiction
by: Anonymous

We have seen a therapist a few times but now my husband feels he no longer needs him. I am finding more and more things about this disgusting hobby. Message boards that my husband posts on etc. I do not understand how or why a man would have sex with so many escorts that have been with so many other men. Its so pathetic and horrible. Trying to protect my children from finding out. Of course my husband said he is sorry and done with the escorts but honestly I do not think he will be able to beat this addiction. Just want wonderful mothers and trusting wives to know that this could happen to you as well. So well he hid this horrible hobby. I am truly blown away and heart broken

Dec 01, 2014
by: Anonymous

Well to you men out there that have this so called addiction I can only tell you the devastating, tormenting pain that I have been enduring since the sudden death of my husband and uncovering his deep dark secret. Why would you marry, stay married or even continue in a long term relationship with someone knowing full well that the end result would/could cause such devastating psychological damage to the one you claim to love??? Isn't it her choice if she makes that decision to stick it out with you, work thru it with you???After all it's her life as well, why drag her into your deep secret in a deceitful manner. ??? I don't get it ... Today thru all the stones I have turned over and have read the posts I love my husband still to this day. Am I angry, confused and so many un answered questions.. But I still love him. If there is someone who can shed some light on this it would be ever helpful I want to move forward but finding it a bit difficult at this point.

Dec 01, 2014
Escort addiction
by: Anonymous

I have recently discovered that my husband of 33 years has a hobby of visiting escorts. He has been doing so for about 2 years. I found his unlocked cell with tons of sex requests. I was blown away. He pays up to $500 for two hours of time with the escorts. Posts reviews of them that are so flattering it makes me sick. Although we have not had a great sexual relationship for many years, i certainly did not expect this. He just had to say something and we as a couple could have made the time for us. We have two amazing kids. They adore their dad. Anyone who knows us would never ever believe this man would pay for weekly escort sex. I am heart broken. I have not told anybody about this. Pain is unbearable

Nov 30, 2014
Needing Clarification
by: ST

So while seeing all of these posts I will tell you that I too have stumbled upon a list of names, times, amounts of $$ and what has actually taked place in the ever so lovely escort/sleeze abbreviations. I have been forced to do a lot of reseraching to try and understand all of this. How do they make the dates? Do they just drop trow and go for it? Do they exchange real names? It is like a secret underground that I am/was so oblivious to. Everytime I find something more, it seems like it leads to something else. I am trying to wrap my brain around this before I have the big confrontation. This is totally not me either, the waiting thing. I am usually im your face, no nonsense when it comes to matters of the heart. I do not even know where t begin with this. Very ill-equipped. Suggestions anyone?????

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Nov 29, 2014
1 year sober
by: I believe I can change

Looking back, wow~ the last 365+ days have been INSAAAANNNNNEEEEEEEE.

It's been a while coming, and I'm glad I stuck it through with my gf. Things with my gf are definitely much better today. I feel she is well beyond the Acceptance phase, that Trust is slowly starting to develop again too.

Let me pass down some wisdom from my experience. Here are some things that I've learned throughout this entire process, and some things that I learned which I really can't believe works for me:

1. Your spouse will hate you. They will seriously despise your very existence. They will be suffering, but you better believe they will make your life 100 trillion times rougher in every way. This is not a drill nor an exaggeration. You have been warned.

2. Communication is vital. They will need time to reflect, but you need to ensure they know you caused this pain on them, and that you, now want to be the biggest part possible in the solution too. If you're not talking with them, you will not be reliable enough to be solving anything for them. Keep reaching out.

3. Go to therapy, individually. This means you both go for help, but you consult a unique certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT). It's expensive, but hey, if you've got money to burn on hookers, you can find money to IMPROVE YOUR LIFE, Help your spouse, and recreate the best framework for your relationship to succeed again. It's worth every penny, despite there isn't a real "cure" there.

4. No sex for 90 days, except talk every day! If you make it to the point where sex does happen in your relationship again, take a 90 day no-sex challenge. Once we broke past the 60 day mark, I noticed the improvement in tone and dialogue from my gf. Things have only gotten better and better since.

Extra: If you can, attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous (SA) session.

Good luck and god bless.

Hopefully my posts some day will help one other guy who's lost, confused and / or seeking clarity. Read my story and imagine what kind of world you'll be subjecting yourself to from a stupid mistake.

In short: I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, not even my most hated enemies.

Nov 18, 2014
To James
by: Fallen husband

James please stop. I confessed to my wife after my habit of checking sites evolved to something more serious - ie what you mentioned. I confessed 10 days ago. She walked out last week. I am a mess. I bear full responsibility for messing up a good - not perfect - marriage with my wife. Happy to share more one on one. As well as it being wrong as you know, the consequences for me are all to real and I wish I had been stronger.

Nov 17, 2014
heading down that path.
by: james

Hi. I came across this page and decides to play my experience. I have come to the conclusion that I am in the beginning stages of some sort of an addiction. I have the perfect girl and I'm ruining everything. I know what I'm doing but I can't stop. I have had one encounter with am escort but keep constantly looking. I want to stop but I can't. I think about what I can lose but I still risk it. I'm sure you ladies probably hate me and men like me but this is an honest approach to trying to get help and hopefully stop. I know what I'm doing is wrong - please knock some sense into me.

Nov 12, 2014
I screwed up too
by: Fallenhusband

My case is similar to anon's below. I am filled with self loathing at the pain I have caused my loving wife. The house is empty and I am the one to blame. May God send guardian angels to help her through this grief. Anon,if you are still out there, contact me on my username and walk this road with me...

Oct 29, 2014
by: Anonymous

Well, here goes. I am a GL, successful, in shape happily married man ; married to a wonderful lady for 33 years, 2 great kids, My wife would give her life for me, and I still resorted to seeing Escorts AT LEAST once a week. It all started about 7 years ago, with not really having a sex life with her, as all her time was spent with her aging parents. I eventually innocently stumbled across an Escort site, and I was hooked. The first I was so guilty I showered for over an hour, avoiding eye contact with my wife @ all times. I eventually couldn't wait for the next time. I ended up catching an STD, and vowed that that was it. After treatment and I was deemed STD free, and started again. Last week she found texts on my phone, and I confessed. I don't know if we'll get through it, but the hurt I have caused her is unbearable. GUYS, don't make the mistake I did. TAKE THE TIME AND TALK TO YOUR WIFE.IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

Oct 26, 2014
Another Man
by: Anonymous

I am a married man. I used to see prostitutes and stopped more than a year ago. I was not caught. I put myself through therapy and sorted out issues that were leading to me seeking prostitutes for sex. This included childhood sex abuse and other mental health issues. I am very ashamed of what I have done and now work to look after my wife and kids as best as I can hoping that my future actions will in some way make up for the deep betrayal I was living. I cant tell my wife. I love her and do not want to break her heart and do not want her and the kids to suffer for my mistakes. I am not defending men seeing prostitutes I am just telling my story. I hope I can remain strong. My wife is an intelligent and attractive woman who loves me very much. I did not cheat because she was deficient in any way, it was my own deficiencies that lead to this.

Oct 25, 2014
Deeply hurt
by: Issue

My husband passed away unexpectedly last month. In sorting thru his personal belongings I came across a small black cell phone w a few ladies numbers in it as well as one mans. In the messaging it was clear he was involved with the escort life style not only w woman but with a men as well. I'm so confused sooooo hurt. I always suspected such behavior but he always promised me he never slept with another woman ... I was so blind!!! How do I grieve the man I love after this devastating finding. Help..

Oct 23, 2014
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I just went through the same thing with my son's father. I found out that he has being soliciting shemale escorts through out our whole relationship. every week he would engage in sex with shemale prostitutes. I am hurt so deeply, but I had no choice, and I left. there is no forgiveness for that type of behavior. He is a sexual predator a psychopath.

Oct 14, 2014
by: Anonymous

Do not believe your husband. It's a big lie. He is addicted to whores. Believe that he has seen different ones and spent lots of money to have sex with disgusting dirty whores. Keep digging and you will find more proof. Its a sickness with theses men. Don't trust him. He's put you at risk for sexually transmitted disease and didn't care one bit. Run to the Dr. to get tested and then kick him to the curb immediately. He is just like the garbage he sleeps with. That is what's sickening. He won't change until he hits rock bottom. You don't say how old you are or if you have young children. I would bet he's been seeing hookers a lot longer than one year. Wish you all the best. We are here for you.

Oct 13, 2014
12 years of marriage on prostitutes
by: Anonymous

I have just found out my husband has been sleeping with prostitutes for the past year? Apparently just the one chinese prostitute. He confessed once and once only, i saw a message he sent her when I wanted to borrow his charger. He said hi baby I miss you, when you get back please can I take you for dinner! Strange thing to say to a whore you visited once and it made you sick. Internet banking proved 10 times on card, who knows cash! How do you ever know if they are still doing it?

Oct 12, 2014
by: Paul


I've just stumbled across this piece while grieving for the recent self caused breakdown of my (relatively short) relationship. I spent 2 years with a woman who, in hindsight, was the most caring, considerate, supportive and generous woman I have known in my 38 years. She was unique in all ways and a real catch. Unfortunately, our sex life was less than electric and rather than work through it, I took the easy option. I threw away a bright future for a series of 30 minute sleazy sexual liaisons with women for whom I cared not. Now that i am single again, that is all I am left with, and it leaves me feeling bitter.

You remind me of my ex. The emotional, sentimental side, the scrapbooking, the obliviousness to what was happening. I really feel for you because now, I feel anger. Anger at myself for my lack of empathy, a deep shame for what I've done, and guilt for destroying the hopes and dreams which we shared. Men are such strange creatures. We stupidly carry on with this behaviour, thinking that there are no repercussions from them. these are just physical acts, isolated from real life and easily tucked away when inconvenient. unfortunately that isn't the case.

I was found out when she discovered a list of numbers in my work bag and phoned some of them. She confronted me and I took off, leaving her in floods of tears, devastated and total confusion. I can still vividly remember that Sunday night, the pain in her voice and her tears as she put her hand on her chest and told me she thought her heart was breaking. I wish I could turn back the clock and undo all that I did, and appreciate her for the wonderful person she is. I feel that in years to come, I will look back at this time as a pivotal moment in my life. I believe your ex husband may do the same when he looks back on the relationship he has thrown away for his own selfish physical satisfaction.

in no way is the story of myself and my ex similar. You had years of marriage and financial ruin to deal with. We had none of that, and my addiction was only a fraction of your ex's. You are lucky to be rid of this man and you deserve better. I think this of Jess and am now thankful that she found out sooner than later. She, like you, deserves better.

Oct 03, 2014
too old to get away
by: Anonymous

I'm 60 in a few weeks and live in a nice but modest house in the country. I run a cattery ... very clean and loving. I show my champion purebreds in an acredited association (in case anyone thinks I'm a hoarder). I have 2 adult sons who do not live very close by.

My husband is addicted to sex I think. I always knew he fooled around but chose to ignore it. In recent years he has received a written police warning to stay away from talking to women on the street ....a year passed and then be got arrested for solicitation. The police impounded his (my) vehicle and to make a long story less complicated it cost our modest life savings to pay all the various fees and the lawyer.

Another year passed and he got another warning ... about a year (again) after that he was caught in a "john sting" and arrested again. He had to go to court and the judge let him off but it still cost various fees.

Just yesterday a lady who adopted one of my kittens told me that my husband telephoned her making lewd remarks and she is concerned for her safety (her name/address/phone info was on the kitten contract).

I would leave but have nowhere to go ... no job for many years out here in the country (I have skills but rusty) so must move closer to a city ... but need a job first to save up for a place ... but no job without the city ... round and round it goes ... and it takes a lot of time to find homes for many cats.

Besides, I'm 60 ... who will hire this rusty bucket? I will keep moving forward, though. I've squirreled away a few dollars from each kitten placement over the last 7 years and it should take me less time than that to save up a bit more to be enough to leave.

I grow tired of the humiliation and look forward to emancipation at last. Every night I lie in bed checking the job and small house for sale (nearer the city) ads on the net ... when I stumbled across this site and decided to speak up, too.

Best wishes to everyone ... keep going ...

Sep 22, 2014
I'm am guilty of this!
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for what you had to endure. I'm a husband who fights the addiction of porn which ultimately led me to prostitutes. I felt so dirty and ashamed after a few visits that i wish i would die than continue hurting my wife who caught me with porn and suspected that I've cheated. I'm a Christian and i feel so ashamed just saying that knowing what I've done. I have no excuse but looking back i can see the progression. I was introduced to porn at around the age of 8 or 9 and ever since i got addicted. It followed me through my life and asked God to free me but i held on still. Just recently i fell into sin again and this time i hit rock bottom the weight of guilt was so much I'm disgusted with myself and presently i hate even the memory of it. I love my family and i need to allow God to remove this from me or else it will destroy my family and me. This addiction is running families and turning Christian men into devils. I found your site because i was searching for some form of anonymous male group that directly tackles this problem.

Sep 20, 2014
Where were you when I needed you
by: TJ

And I thought I had a problem till I read yours...I do understand the heartache for sure of being sentimental and believing the words of a liar. Women are not the only ones that suffer in the way you describe. As a man/husband I felt the same as you do...writing poetry, saving memories etc.... and after going through this living hell for the last year I started believing there was no woman on earth that would appreciate what I offered as far as deep feelings of love and what it really means...and by the way...just because a man saves memories and writes poems does not make him any lesser of a man.....Oh well...Just wish I could have met a woman like you...Where were you when I needed you?

Sep 14, 2014
To: leave now
by: Anonymous

You can be rest assured that your husband most likely never stopped seeing the prostitute that he left you for. It is far more likely that he continued to see her and the others until you caught him AGAIN! How many chances does he get and why???? By the way, I am sure that oral sex wasn't the only thing that he was doing with the prostitutes. I can bet every nasty thing he ever saw or wanted to try, or the things that you didn't want to do, he did with the prostitute.These disgusting women will do anything for money or drugs. They could care less if he is old or married. In the real world he could never have some "young thing" that's why he has to pay someone for sex!!! Kick him out!! see an attorney for a consultation. Don't be concerned that he gets a larger retirement check, I can almost bet that half will be yours if you divorce, along with social security, and any other assets the two of you have. Find ways to cope, talk to family or friends. You may even want to go to a counselor on your own. In time things will get better for you. You may love him, and maybe always will. But trust is lost and the marriage will never be the same or the way you thought it was. Then resentment,anger and depression set in. Give yourself time to heal. You will be surprised at how many people find love again. There are dating sites for people over 50. Don't give up. You are better for knowing the ugly truth then living a blind life. I wish you the best and hope you will soon be on the path to healing. Please know that everyone on this page, has been or is going through this. You are not alone......

Sep 10, 2014
by: Anonymous

you are not alone. after 44 years of marriage i found out that my 66 yeard old husband had been seeing at least three prostitutes on a weekly basis for oral sex for more than three years. he finally left with the last one. after six months he got sick and for two months begged me to come back. because of financial reasons i allowed him to do so. he's been back home eight months and i just found that he might have had another meeting about a month ago with one of the prostitutes he knew. i don't know what to do. i am 62 years old, don't have a lot of money, he gets the bigger retirement check, i have been on an emotional roller coaster for over a year, taking antidepressants and feeling horrible. like you i cry anywhere and everywhere for no reason at all and feel like i'm about to loose my mind. i wish he would have done this twenty years ago and i could have left then and start a new life. don't believe him, he's not going to stop and neither is he going to change. leave now, you are young and can start over. good luck to you.

Sep 09, 2014
I believe I am changing
by: Anonymous

Hi Annie,

You fail to recognize one thing: When you're at rock bottom, and something changes, it can only change for the better, right?

While I understand the temperament you've displayed towards me, and believe me I have known and lived through it for the last several months on end, I would still like to remind you that I am human. We are not perfect and have accepted my flaws as such. I am working towards a better me and will do so, regardless of your response.

My post didn't come from an egotistical or bragging space, it was simply a reminder to all that we ALL can change. We can change ourselves, our behaviour, our weight, our temperament, our environment, and so on and so forth. Everything can change, and anything is possible. If this fails to resonate within you, then I am sorry that I have offended you and will carry on doing what I think is still best for the greater good. So please accept my apologies in advance.

As for your remarks specifically, I have not given "2nd/3rd looks at a good looking thing". I will admit that I admire nature, and therefore I can appreciate all walks of life whether it be people, animals, landscapes, cultures, sciences, religion, fashion, etc. To purposely look at a female, which is what I'm going to think you're alluding to, I can honestly say I haven't looked at any one particular female with more than a single glance other than the photos of my GF. I am constantly reminded by how beautiful she is, and it warms my heart because I can feel the emotions I was having at the time and place where the photos were taken.

Flirtatious conversation is dependent on the receiver of communication, as I'm a friendly person to begin with, I can see how it can be misconstrued as flirting. I know my own feelings and emotions, and with certainty say that I have no desires or "angles" with any female or male I speak with. I end conversations politely and carry about my day as I do not require any validation from anyone.

Finally, to call the 10 months I have been "sober" a joke is completely disrespectful towards me and the sobriety I have committed to for the betterment of the relationship I have with my GF,
Thank you and
god bless.

Sep 05, 2014
Accept that you are STILL all about you!
by: Annie

So you have cheated on you GF in 10 months. Let me ask this-- have you given 2nd/3rd looks to a good looking thing on the street? Have you discontinued porn and watching movies with sexy women in them? Have you had an "innocent" -- but slightly flirtatious conversation with a member of the opposite sex in the past 10 months? If you have answered yes to any of these questions -- you are still living a lie.

Let's continue: Have you thought about other women because your GF is being "so hard" on you? You think she is being unreasonable -- and I agree. She should have walked away. Period. Think about it. Case studies prove that: Women treasure your mind and heart and desire mental intimacy -- that turns her on. Men want sex, beauty, and companionship. You destroyed her from the inside out -- she wanted your mind -- it was on someone else. She wanted your heart -- you gave it over to your desire and ego -- you placed you first. And you are STILL DOING THAT. You ask why won't she change instead of what can I DO TO HELP HER. Start with going to Covenant Eyes. Read some blogs about what women feel. Does she hit you? It can happen. She is angry! Do guys throw punches? Absolutely. Throw and break things? Normal. Cry, feel betrayed, can't trust you? Of coarse.

Next -- you aren't married! There are no promises with risk -- to stay with. By this I mean shared property. Why should she trust you. She doesn't know you will be with her and be loyal. You take the trust risk first if she means that much to you. Or close the door. 10 months of being faithful is child's play. Stop bragging. Be a man.

Sep 04, 2014
"I believe I can change [OP]"
by: Anonymous

Wow, it's been several months since my last update, and almost 10 months since the discovery of my problem.

Looking back at my posts, it really makes me wonder if I can change this much in just 10 months, what does life have in store for me for the next 10,20,30+ years?

Since the ill-fated day of discovery, I have not slept with anyone, much less a prostitute, outside my relationship with my GF. As purely and sincerely put: I don't desire anyone but my GF. I cherish my progress, however my humility never fails to remind me of what transpired in the past and how much of a scumbag I was. I can see clearly why some of you folks, the partners of sex addicts, are just rattled with anger and hurt. It truly does come down to Emotional Maturity. Sex addicts simply do not understand it in its core essence within themselves.

I believe I have changed for the better.

However, my post today has a much greater purpose: I feel as if my GF will never change. I am very concerned for our future together as she fails to trust in me, and fails to trust in a real relationship with me. She has been exceptionally abusive, physically and emotionally. She constantly threatens to end the relationship, which I work tirelessly to mend. I feel as if it may be a losing battle and I feel I have exhausted all of my resources to steer things around. Re-reading some of the previous comments, I would feel far more disgusted with myself if I kept holding onto something, when in reality it will make her become a person she can't handle (bitter, cold, angry, depressed, etc). I certainly do not desire any ill-will towards her and I would feel miserable knowing that she is staying when she would be better off without me.

What could I do? What should I do? What would YOU do if you could change things?

I am but a broken man who just wants the best for her. Life is too short to not be happy.

Sep 04, 2014
Online serious support
by: Anonymous

Please, I urge you to tap into an interactive site called http://wivesinthebattle.com. I have found an online community support for women in your situation. Please, join us. We all know these feelings of grief, out of control anger and wondering what we have done wrong...

Sep 04, 2014
To not sure where to find strength
by: Anonymous

You don't say why you are completely dependent on your husband or if you have children and are they grown???
Everyone on this page can relate to what you're going through. We all know those dark places. You need to be strong! He doesn't get to define who you are.only you can do that.i don't know if you have family you can talk to. You say your friends are gone.call them, they will be happy to hear from you. Get a therapist. If you are not working, get a job, any job so that your mind will be occupied and you will be around people. Men that do this are filthy pigs. Not worth being upset about him. You can't love someone that does that to you. That's not love. You feel like he's better than having no one. That's a lie!!!! He is garbage, muster up the strength to change you. Love yourself and kick him to the curb. Wish you the best

Sep 03, 2014
to not sure where to find strength
by: Anonymous

It's obvious that your husband has a sexual addiction. He is a liar, a cheat and has no respect for you, your marriage or himself. He continues to do as he wants without any concern for you or the fact that he is putting himself at risk for STD's. A good indicator for how someone will be in the future is to simply look how they've behaved in the past. At this point it should be VERY clear to you. Find strength in yourself, dig deep. Read some books on his addiction, find a friend or relative that you can talk to. Find a support group, go to church if you are spiritual. Seek counseling on your own,. You may even want to ask him to move out. Trust me clarity comes with time, as does healing. And have the realization that you cannot help someone who doesn't really want help or someone that doesn't want to change. Don't feel ashamed, you did nothing wrong! There are many men out there that are not like this! In time you will see how damaging and dysfunctional it is to stay in this marriage. There is a better life, don't stay because it's all you know. You only get one life, it's best to leave him to his filthy ways. Let him figure out his own mess. Walk away.

Sep 01, 2014
Not sure where to find the strength,
by: Anonymous

- but I realize that I have to keep coming up with it, whether I stay in or decide to leave. I discovered that there was another woman in the mix almost twenty years ago. But we were both going through a horribly stressful period with a family illness. I had been distracted and I believed that it was a non-physical affair. Horrible, but explained by my distance. It was ugly, scary, and sad, but we got through it. Ten years later, we had lost our intimacy, but is thought it was temporary; I had to lose weight. Then I found out he was having another affair, and a very physical one. The confrontation was emotional and desperate, and it led to a dark spiral into lies, hostility and a year long separation after he abruptly left me to move in with her. Over a year of marriage counselling brought us together again.

He said he was sorry. He said he had disgraced himself. He said he would never cheat, again. He would never lie, again. He would never hurt me, again.

Six years later, that feeling crept up on me, again, and I started digging. I found that he has been involved with online dating and sex sites since we reconciled. He has had assignations with escorts and call girls (not sure what the difference is), sometimes seeing several at the same time, and even in the same room. He brought one into our home when I was on a trip, and he's currently pursuing a clandestine relationship with her.

On the occasions I've attempted to confront him with the truth, he is transformed into a complete stranger. His only defence is to attack me as viciously and cruelly as he can, and has managed to convince me time and again, that I bring nothing to our marriage, that I am parasite, that I'm good for nothing. That takes the focus away from him. And, every time, it takes me a long time to get back on my feet, mentally and emotionally. He has mastered the arts of gas lighting and subterfuge.

At some point, the erosion of my ability to trust him has become a loss of faith in my own competence and judgment. I have become adept at lying as I've hidden the truth about him and us from everyone in the world. While he has preserved his support system, sharing his own version of our problems with his own friends, I have withdrawn from the world. I don't have friends or confidants, anymore. I don't and can't talk to anyone.

I'm completely dependent on my husband and have no idea who he is. I think he's two people, but it don't know where to one I love is, or if he's ever in the same room with me. The one who hates me sometimes pretends to be conciliatory and loving. And then he'll use the moment to get something.

I have visited so many dark places over the last several years, and I keep going there alone. I honestly fear that, one day, I just won't be able to find my way back. More than anything, I'm just so tired. And sad.

I know what addiction looks like and I know how savage addicts can become. I just never thought I would find myself living with an addict. Or loving one. I don't want to give up on either of us, but I feel so overwhelmed.

Jul 25, 2014
by: Anonymous

So you confessed.... Therefore all the hurt you've caused should be forgiven? Get real!!! Going to whores for five or six years should just be forgotten? That's not how it works. You say you're going down the path again. That's your choice, don't blame it on anyone else. When you take hard earned money ( that should be used for family) and spend it to have sex with a stranger, someone that's had sex with 10 other men that day, You disrespect your yourself most of all. You disrespect your wife and your children as well and don't forget the prostitute. You just give her means to get more drugs. That's the harsh reality buddy. The prostitute spreads disease and misery. Think more of yourself!!!! You make me sick with your wo is me attitude. It your wife hit you and threw dishes at you maybe you should have used all the money you wasted on whores to get her some counseling. No pity for you here because it doesn't seem like you've changed one bit.

Jul 24, 2014
From One Who Committed This Sin
by: Anonymous

There is never an excuse for sexual sin. I am one who did the same thing with escorts for a period of about 5 or 6 years. I have basically flushed my life down the tubes as well as done grave damage to my family. God is not mocked. What a man sows, he will reap. Grace doesn't take away that principle. I can't even tell you the mess that I am in. I actually stopped 3 years ago and confessed it a little over a year ago. We had great moments of hope and points of deliverance from God, but things have just deteriorated over time. It was very frustrating to try to repent and turn and have someone not believe you were being sincere or doing everything you needed to do to be free. However, how can I really complain. I kept a huge secret for year and years. I don't know if anyone can recover from that kind of betrayal. A huge mistake that I have made and continue to make is to cite my wife's abusive nature as part of the reason. In my head, I know that another person's behavior is never a cause for sin against God, but I find myself wanting people to acknowledge the pain that she put me in over the years. I have been cursed out in front of my children, had dishes thrown at me, mooned, and punched for reasons that were relatively minor and hand nothing to so with infidelity. I released my pain by going to escorts. Now, make no mistake about it. I was an addict all on my own. I had those issues coming into the marriage. She knew I had a porn problem and even that I had used an escort once before - to lose my virginity. I also knew of her anger, so we both kind of knew what we were getting before hand. The bottom line is that we are all broken people and we need to turn to Christ. Right now I need to do that, but have just started moving back towards sin - not physical adultery but headed down a path that could lead me there. I find myself disappointed with God. I confessed and tried to come into the light and now I seem to be paying for it. I also tried to be a good husband, step father, allowed my wife to stay at home and homeschool and all of that I feel like God is not seeing any of that and just taking my wife's side. However, He is God so what can I say. He's right and I'm wrong by definition.

Jun 17, 2014
In response to one year later
by: Anonymous

You say you have no love for him. In my humble opinion, the only way it can work is if there is mutual love in the marriage. Why would you even bother? Get out now, don't waste anymore of your time. This by the way is coming from someone who loves her husband very much and 3 years later, is still with him.

Jun 16, 2014
to almost a year later
by: Anonymous

It's been nearly 2 yrs since I discovered my husbands affairs, I still think about it "EVERYDAY"! The hurt, anger, confusion and humiliation are still a constant daily battle. I have not and do not know if I will ever forgive him. He started cheating on me 6yrs into our 21 yr marriage. We tried counseling. After 8 months he moved out. I am sure that he is "back at it" It seams unreasonable that he behaved this way all these years and it suddenly stopped, really? I guess what I am trying to tell you, is that if you can't forgive him, if you don't trust him, if you believe his is still lying to you and hasn't changed. Then you should leave or ask him to leave. Staying in a dysfunctional marriage for the sake of "saving face" or for your children is not the answer. Remember you did nothing wrong! He should be ashamed of himself. If he is truly sorry and wants to stay married and if you agree. You may want to consider counseling with a psychologist that specializes in sexual addiction. Some will require him to take a polygraph, to keep him honest. I probably would not tell him that part. Good luck to you, this is a painful lonely road and I know exactly how you feel because I am in the same situation. Remember this is your life, and you decide how you want to live it. Don't let him decide that for you. He made bad, selfish choices and made you a part of something you never would have agreed to by having affairs and putting you at risk to STD'S.

Jun 15, 2014
Almost a year later - need advice
by: Anonymous

It has been almost a year since I found out that my husband of more than 11 years cheated on me with numerous escorts. We have two beautiful girls so I stayed in the marriage because of them. I am so struggling right now and not sure if I can stay. He has been smoking behind my back, I caught him red handed. I feel if he is lying about the small things of smoking does that mean he's lying about not cheating anymore? Its such a tough position to be in. He says he was going to tell me about the smoking, but I caught him before he could tell me....I don't believe he was going to tell me. I have no love for him. I think he's an absolute *** but I have stayed because of our kids. I'm at the point now that I don't know if I can stay. I feel like I am just shriveling up inside. I'm normally a bubbly outgoing person and inside I just feel dead. I'm exhausted from the stress, I'm constantly in tears. I told him that I want to leave and then he says that I am making the wrong decision and I am going to ruin our kids because of it. I feel that he's the one that has ruined the family by cheating and lying to me. I'm just showing my girls that for when they're older they shouldn't have to be treated like this by a man. I'm scared to leave too because honestly, I am scared about being judged for a failed marriage. I told him I wouldn't tell people he cheated because he is the father of my girls and I don't want his actions to affect people's actions towards our daughters. Our house is for sale, it hasn't sold yet. I need some advice please. What should I do? Is he right that he has changed and I should stay or am I right in wanting to leave?

Jun 14, 2014
by: Anonymous

I am guilty of similar behavior. I stumbled on this and it hit a chord with me. In my case I withheld sex for a twenty year marriage. I began seeing prostitutes after 16 years of self imposed celibacy. I feel extremely guilt ridden and sorry for how I have treated my wife. That said, in my case The yearlong separation has not 'fixed me'. I have not been to a prostitute, but my need for validation and my low self esteem are getting worse. I am getting counseling. I have a long way to go. I suspect anyone in a similar position will be emotionally unavailable for a long long time. I don't know if I will ever be trustworthy. As painful as this is, you might be best served trying to put all those years behind you, where they really are anyway (as if that was easy-sorry). I sincerely hope the best for you and him too.

Jun 05, 2014
Stand up and Kick him out!
by: Anonymous

I found thousands of porn videos on my fiancée's computer, along with emails from women associated with casual sex clubs, and emails from online prostitution sites, etc. He said he would give it up, I gave him a second chance, but six months later, it's All back. He works for himself, has free time all day while I work to pay All the rent, utilities, food for us both. He never had money, had 50000 in credit card debt, and I never saw one dime go towards our living expenses. I asked him to leave, he did. He begged me to take him back, I declined. There is something terribly wrong with men (and women) who have no self control, and who place pleasure, gratification, and perversion as their top, utmost important priority. They have missed an important aspect of maturation, a developmental hiccup of sorts, they all are sexually retarded. I'm very happy now, working out and traveling to Mexico and France this summer! He is living in his place of business, homeless really, with nothing in his life to show for it, except his mountain of debt and a filthy cache. Lol moron. :)))))

Apr 22, 2014
I would not consider...
by: Anonymous

if I knew what I knew now. He had told me it was only porn. He cheated once. He was caught. I gave him a chance. He fooled me, my friends, my family. He went to church an quoted scripture. He was nice and helpful. Everyone who meets him likes him and thinks he is kind. 4 years later, I found out he not only never stopped watching porn, he was going to strip clubs, massage parlors, and had on line dating accounts and would hook up. I always had this uneasy feeling and anxiety, something was not right, he would admonish me and say I was insecure and ask how long it was going to take me to trust him. He would look me in the eyes and lie. I think he is an evil demonic man. I will pray for him. I hope he gets help, the only thing he is doing is destroying his self and others. What kind of life or legacy is that? I take comfort that God will never leave me or forsake me, I know he will get me through this awful dark valley. I will pray for all of you as well. God bless and do not lose heart. You deserve to be loved, safe, and cared for. None of this was your fault ever. You never deserved to be betrayed ever. Love and Hugs to all...you can have an amazing life without abuse. My life became better the minute i knew the truth and I was not imagining or crazy...as he had always told me when I suspected anything. God help him. I cannot help him and I will not waste another precious minute of my life.

Apr 03, 2014
A Matter of Trust
by: Anonymous Bill

I have a situation that I would like to share and get feedback from people who have dealt with sexual infidelity. My wife and I have been married 25 years and like all marriages, we've had our ups and downs, but it is generally a good marriage. Our sex life is good, and we enjoy each other's company.

About 7 years ago, we agreed to let my mother in law move in with us. We had to make accommodations to the house so that she could be comfortable - we spent about $60,000 adding another room and refurbishing our rickety deck so that she could climb the steps more easily and safely.

Fast-forward a couple of years and that financial decision turned out to be a very bad one that placed a huge monetary stress on us. Little by little, we began to fall behind on the mortgage, which was 100% under my control. My wife did not want to be part of the bill paying process and trusted me to handle it. Additionally, my mother in law turned out to be a raging alcoholic. This put an incredible burden on my wife not to mention that my wife also lost her beloved teaching job during this time.

Not wanting to stress my wife out further regarding falling behind on our mortgage, I did not share this information with her.The Bank offered us a "modification" which would help bring us current, but they schemed and defruaded us, and drove us to bankruptcy and foreclosure. Fortunately chapter 13 saved our house, but my wife was totally unaware. She only found out when the foreclosure notice was published in the newspaper.

Long story short: we saved the house, and we have been in therapy for almost two years. However, she said she is still angry and can't ever forgive me for what I did. I was only trying to protect her. I KNOW what I did was wrong, and I have done a lot of work to recognize why I did that. I only had the best intentions. This is the only time I have EVER lied to my wife. I have never cheated on my wife and I still love her and am dedicated 100% to our marriage. (Mother in law has since moved out and into assisted living facility.)

This is my question to all of you. My wife continues to make this comment in our therapy sessions that she would rather I had a sexual affair with someone than to do what I did. She claims sex is no big deal (and she says she understands why people cheat sometimes) but money issues are way deeper to her. It makes me wonder if she's ever cheated on me (she claims no, and I believe her). However, I just can't get over the fact that she would rather have me cheat sexually than to lie about bills (even thought they ultimately drove us to bankruptcy).

So, what you do all think of that? Having been through sexual infidelity, would financial infidelity have been any better/worse? I would love your opinions, please. And good luck and god bless to all of your on your journeys to healing.

Apr 01, 2014
I believe I can change [OP]
by: Anonymous

Hi Anonymous from Feb. 25th.

I'm happy to hear you're making an effort to at least SEE if things are worth your while.

However I do want to warn you from the perspective of a sex addict in recovery that there isn't a simple fix for this addiction. It really does take time to wean your way off of it.

Like I said before, every day is a new day to continuously challenge myself. I'm still guilty of having urges, and I have came close a few times to relapse, but I have always put a hard stop before escalating contact to in person. I am trying my absolute hardest to put this problem into my own imaginary Pandora's box, with a unique key and tossing the key permanently away with no way of retrieval.

Having gone through my own path on this road to recovery, I *strongly* encourage the Partner to try to allow the addict time to recover. You will also need to come to terms with yourselves that you BELIEVE your addicted partner CAN and WILL change! This isn't to say you should trust them with this task, but you need to believe in the possibility of recovery. If you cannot, you need to part ways with your partner as their recovery is 80% dependent on you Believing they can change too. I sincerely think I wouldn't be at this stage in my recovery had it not been for my GF still allowing me the opportunity to fight this for her, fight for us and our future together.

Take Care!

Feb 25, 2014
I believe I can change
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the comments you made Nov 12 and your recent ones. You make me believe my time staying with my husband is not a waste and that there is hope.

Feb 21, 2014
I believe I can change...
by: Anonymous

One more thing to note, and this is for the sex addict:

Be warned that Sex Addiction Therapists are not cheap.

If you can afford to fool around with prostitutes, you can afford to visit a CSAT. Think of it as an investment towards a better you, and an investment to becoming a better partner (regardless if your current spouse can ever accept your wrong doings, at least you will be better prepared with all of the tools and experiences for a meaningful relationship down the road).

Feb 21, 2014
Nov 12 - I believe I can change (Feb 21 update)
by: Anonymous

As many of you have read my open letter from Nov 12th, I felt like now would be a great time to provide the update on my progress. I still want to thank everyone for their comments and words of encouragement, regardless of how judgemental it may have been.

I am still with my GF, and I'm very fortunate to have someone as compassionate, strong, and respectful as her in my life to learn from. Every day is a blessing in disguise and I look forward to our togetherness more so now than before.

For the guys out there that do read this, let me part ways with some things that have helped me:

1 - Discover why you're with your spouse.

2 - Seek a highly recommended CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist). Everything you say is confidential, and that helped me explore some of the instinctive thoughts that would lead me to "act out". I'm not perfect, nor would I say I'm "healed", but I look at the situation differently now.

It's a work in progress, and my progress has been fantastic. When I'm alone, I still have the "urges", but now I am equipped with the appropriate tools to circumvent it. I've also noticed that the frequency of these urges have become significantly reduced. To quantify it, in the past I would say I would have urges multiple times a day. Now it's every other day, but like I said: work in progress. As long as I am acutely aware of my thoughts, my intentions, my desires, my wants, my needs, etc, I *will* make the right choices.

For the sex addicts who are reading this post, simply knowing that you can recover from this overture makes for a great starting platform for your recovery.

For the sex addict victims who are reading this post, you really must know that it isn't your fault. You truly have to dig deep and understand nothing you did is what lead the partner to act out. I highly recommend consulting a CSAT as well, particularly ones specializing in post traumatic stress. After a few consultations, you will know when you're ready to visit a support group for PARTNERS. Do this at ALL costs. It will help you too. I can't stress this enough as the guidance and support you will gain at these group sessions, will help re-establish the building blocks of your self-confidence.

The process afterwards is to establish trust again, and this will come very organically. You can get over this and I know it can be done. Just remember you can only control your reactions, and not your spouse.

I will check back from time to time, but the only advice I can give anyone (either sex addict, or the victim) is to appreciate the essence of time. Any struggle you face, will fade over time. The more it fades, the easier it will be to address / cope / understand / resolve it. If you can resolve your issues today, why wait? Do yourselves a service by ensuring you are taking care of your wants, needs, desires, emotions, etc to the best of Your ability. Anything less, and you're selling yourself short.

Good Luck to all. If I can do this, anybody can too.

Jan 31, 2014
How I discovered and am healing from his double life
by: Annie

Grief has overtaken my heart. My Beloved has been living a double life for 6 years - all the while he was loving his family, going to church, cooking for us, vacations, even encouraging me to go out of town visit my family - but surprise! He was planning encounters with prostitutes when I was gone! To everyone who knew us, he was Mr. Nice Guy -- the husband everyone envied, what a lucky woman I was. Until I found a trail of bread crumbs on his computer.

I caught him looking a jiggling boobs that was sent from one of his online music buddies. Then I got busy. He had secret web accounts. He eventually confessed his online ID. He had email accounts on every free site available so he could hook up. Oh, he did use private browsing for his hard core porn. But his cache and saved passwords were easily discoverable through the browser preferences.

Then then I reviewed bank accounts -- cash withdrawals were consistent with times of a series of unknown phone numbers I acquired from bills. They matched up with business trips and me being out of town.

On the night of the confrontation, my military son came over and threw him out of the house. The sheriff saw him walking down the road looking traumatized and he told the sheriff I caught him looking at porn (boys will be boys) and that I hit him 6-7 times. He had me thrown in jail for domestic abuse because In Colorado, whoever slaps or throws an object at their spouse goes to jail. Period. In actuality, I slapped him twice after I discovered he had invited whores to our home, our bed and hot tub.

Later my case was dismissed by the judge after he confessed to the DA in writing that he had lied. He didn't even get a slap on the wrist for solicitation.

It took months for him to confess all of his exploits - even while he was in counseling (he lied to his counselor) and his 12 Step Program at counseling for sex addicts in Colorado. Finally I left him for a month. He agreed to a polygraph (a baseline necessary for establishing the truth of his betrayals and rebuilding trust) and has agreed to take one every three months.

We are on month six. The stress from his sexual infidelities had caused me to pass out many times. I hit my head so often, I ended up with a subdural hematoma and had brain surgery 12/26/2013. Of course I have been in counseling and now I am in transitional therapy - rebuilding my self confidence and getting strength through spiritually in-tune friends and partners in healing.

I have a masters degree in teaching and three undergrad degrees. I am passionate about researching for all the help I can find -- some has been helpful and some not so much. The best advice I can offer those grieving like myself is to surround yourself with information, wise counseling, prayer and allow yourself the space and time to grieve.

Jan 31, 2014
cast all your problems to God
by: Anonymous

I dont know what you are going through. But I my self was addicted to sex. I spent thousands on prostitutes shamely. Its my own money, but i know its wrong and am sitting in church on sundays wondering when temptation will come next.

all i can say is put your trust in God and believe faithfully that he will deliver your from these problems.

Jan 27, 2014
20 year relationship
by: Anonymous

I met my husband when I was seventeen and we were together for 20 years and married for 11 years. We have one four year old son. I discovered this double life he had when my son was 2 years old. It still is extremely painful. I thought I married someone that was not only my husband but my best friend and thought he had the same morals and values that I did. I am still depressed and feel like I have wasted half my life with someone that would do this type of thing. It really changed his personality and I think he feels ashamed but instead he lashes out and is verbally abusive now. He is now fighting me on custody and is with a woman that likes to say she is a mother to my son. She is older than me and does not have any kids. That part is also very painful. We are still going through the divorce. Even though he did this part to our relationship it still really hurts. I have so much anxiety and depression over this and don't know how to get through it and I am not interested in going on anxiety meds. Is there any more natural approach that people have found that has helped them through all of this?

Jan 18, 2014
by: Anonymous

I understand your pain in many ways. My husband cheated multiple times with many women. He was sick too.
Know you will heal in time. I had a dream too but stayed thinking he would change. He never did in 30 years.
Just before finally filing for divorce I found out about yet another woman. Here I am now divorced and have fallen in love with a best friend who truly loves me. I'm learning to trust a very committed man. He won't cheat and makes it perfectly clear. We got engaged last year and as I struggle from past hurt its hard at times to let myself trust him.
My hope for you is that you are able to legally get some recovery in court from the fraud and heal emotionally.
It's taken a lot of prayers, counseling, soul searching, forgiving, thinking, tremendous amounts of tears to recover. One thing about grief is that it's doesn't go away completely but on time fades to almost nothing. I pray that all the bad things against you the unseen things be cast off from your soul. May God heal you.

Jan 02, 2014
To Devastated
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. He isn't even there to repent or tell you he is sorry. You have people sympathizing with you and even honor him. Do not feel obligated to honor his life. He led it in lies and deception. People should know -- including (if you have any) children. All a person has in life is the good and honor they left behind. He lost his.

Do seek out counseling. I can help to a point. You need to get to a place WAY down the road -- where you can let go. I am six months into my "discovery" and just has brain surgery from the concussion I got finding out about my beloved husbands porn and whores.

Jan 02, 2014
by: Anonymous

My husband of over 45 years of being married recently died. Being completely grief stricken I could not believe it when I discovered that for many years he has been accessing seedy internet sites and also visiting escorts and prostitutes. I feel so betrayed as I thought that I really knew the man that I had married so many years ago. I really don't know how to move forward from this. I feel sick constantly. Can I ever get over this? Does anyone have any advice because at the moment I feel that my life is over.

Dec 16, 2013
Reply to AnonymousMe
by: Random LPC

Hi AM,

I can tell you're in serious pain about the ramifications of the choices you have made. Who wouldn't be? It appears you love your wife even though you've made some choices you and your wife consider "poor choices."

"I have depression and anxiety"

Just remember, you can only directly change your actions and thoughts (which indirectly changes how you feel emotionally and physically). You will continue to depress and show signs of depression as long as you are beating yourself up for the way your wife thinks and acts toward you.

You have made choices that destroy many marriages. If your wife chooses to end the relationship, that is her choice and her choice is easily justified. You can't make her change her mind. You can try to explain your point of view, but you cannot change her mind.

You will continue to depress as long as you are trying to change her. Take a step back, visualize the man you want to be, examine if what you are doing now is getting you closer or further away from that man, and make a plan to become that man.

No amount of meds or external motivators will change this.

Whether or not your wife wants to make it work doesn't matter for your depressing. Ultimately, it's an external motivator for you to become the person you think you want to be. That's pretty shaky ground. If you can change you for you, you will be internally motivated to continue to work at being the you you want to be regardless of the external motivators.

I wonder if when you're confident and working on yourself, if your wife will start seeing you more as the man she originally fell in love with 16 years ago? Maybe she will, maybe she has gone beyond the desire to make it work. Either way, that's her choice.

Dec 10, 2013
Married 16 years, cheated on wife with prostitute, need hep!
by: AnonymousMe

We have been married for 16 years and have three children ages 16, 14, 12. For the last two years we have been barely holding on to our marriage following my one-year long cheating with a prostitute. I have depression and anxiety. Trying all sorts of meds. What I did was so wrong. I was abusing alcohol and still do. I am on medication and see a therapist. I am so depressed every day. Once the kids are off to school I often go back to bed. I just want the day to be over. I have no one to talk to. I am so ashamed and guilty for this awful betrayal. My wife no longer wants to have sex with me (understandably). In the last 16 months sex has occurred twice. We have lost all feeling of "connection." She does not want to go to counseling to try to heal and move forward. We're drifting farther apart and I don't want to lose my family. I have thought about suicide, but what I really want is to heal, both of us, to repair what is broken. To move beyond the pain. I made a huge mistake. I am human. What can be done to turn things around and save this? I can't talk to family or friends because I am so ashamed and don't want them to know the truth. I don't even know how to forgive myself. I believe once the kids are grown and off to college my wife will leave me unless we can get back on track. I don't know what to do? Help, please.

Nov 21, 2013
21 years of Happily Ever After (?)
by: Anonymous

Well I am not alone.
I discovered in August that my beloved loving attentive husband (Everyone thought we were the "perfect couple") had been obsessed with porn and soliciting prostitutes for the past 6 years. he made total confessions and then found out even more lies. When told by his counselor to get a polygraph, he objected. He didn't want to tell me about the unprotected sex with hookers he had while scoping out future home in Colorado Springs. Then I found out 4 weeks ago he had been emotionally and mentally obsessed with a 20+ year old beautiful woman he met for drinks and a kiss at a conference 6 years ago. He told me he could not get her out of his mind and heart after all these years because they connected in a way like no one else. So I composed an email to her with him observing and she was outraged and thought Derry was delusional -- that she met with him once at a conference and had drinks like she did any client and NEVER kissed him. she blocked him from any contact. He was devastated by her rejection.

Over the next few weeks he confessed his trips to sex shops, strip clubs, lap dances and even soliciting casual sex partners. I don't even know who this man is! After 21 years, this is tearing my heart out but he is a very very sick man.
The children are horrified.

He has been going to counseling, 12 Step programs, and has a spiritual accountability partner --- but I cannot trust or forgive him
We had just finished building our dream home in the mountains and now all of it s ruined. (He advertised for women to come to our home to share his lonely bed and our hot tub while I was visiting my dying step mother out of town - he claims that no one came, but...)

I have left him for a month, but now must go back to start a teaching job. I can't afford to live alone and his home office is in the house. I am at a loss...

Nov 18, 2013
Adversity can sometimes bring out the very best in us.
by: David Paul

Dear Hayley

When having to dig deep to survive and recover we sometimes uncover amazing resources.

No medicine or map is more powerful than the "unabridged gospel" message according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms.

Maybe one day you might end up feeling sorry for your miserable ex-husband when you see the great future you have compared to his captive condition.

Greetings and blessings


Nov 13, 2013
I believe I can change
by: Anonymous

You sound very much like my husband. He too regrets what he did for years and wants badly to put it in the past. It is I who is having trouble trusting him again. He made the mistake of not telling me the whole truth in the beginning and when I found out that the whole time he had been telling me he was going to be open and honest, he had actually still been lying. I still have trust issues and it's been years. I don't know why he is still with me. We have both put each other thru hell. If he had not lied in the beginning of his new found honesty, l think it would have made a huge difference. How can you trust someone, who has admitted to wrongdoing, lying and cheating and who swears he's a changed person, only to find out the things he swore he never did in the past, he did do. Don't make that mistake. Lies only lead to more lies and eventually the truth comes out. I hope you do the right thing. All the best!

Nov 13, 2013
I believe
by: Anonymous

I hope you mean what you say. If it is the truth then please, continue to be honest with your GF. Lies can only do harm and make her distrust you even more. Come clean with her completely or forget even trying to make it work. A lot of you make the mistake of keeping secrets which only harm any chances of having a good relationship. If it is what you want and I believe you are sincere, then go for counselling together and change your life for good! Good luck!

Nov 13, 2013
I believe I can change
by: Anonymous

I don't understand why the hooker would not remember you. I think if anything she would remember the guy she didn't have sex with. And your second point, well you're too late, I'm sure your GF is already comparing herself to every good looking, scantily dressed woman she sees, including the whores in movies and TV shows, books, you name it, they are everywhere to remind her of her shortcomings.

Nov 13, 2013
To I believe I can change
by: Anonymous

You say you will do anything, the take your girl with you to the hooker. If that's what she needs to feel better, then do it. If you paid the hooker just to talk, I'm sure she will remember. My thought is you just don't want to confront that demon. Also go to counseling together. I hope you do change regardless if your girl stays because this is a disgusting and despicable way to treat yourself as we'll. wish you and your girl the best.

Nov 12, 2013
I believe I can change for the better..
by: Anonymous

Page 1 of 3:


Pardon the scrutiny on my character, as I've already endured what feels like a lifetime of shame, disappointment, self-disgust, endless regret, etc. In short: I feel incredibly broken.

I've spent the last few hours just reading how it affects the other party in a relationship, in an effort to comprehend the true spectrum of lasting effects and consequences for my stupidly selfish decisions.

This open letter is 3 posts long. I apologize for the length, however I feel like I need to express myself completely so that I can better understand.

I ruined the one absolutely great thing in my life. My relationship with my girlfriend.

In the past, I had visited escorts. Similar to Kevin's story from September 15th, I used to live a double-life of sorts as well. Financially speaking, I am doing very well, so I haven't ever been forced to consider a "stop"... until the woman of my dreams came into my life.

We were friends for about a year and a half. During the friend stage, I was still out being my single self, however I had noticed throughout the times, I was slowly more and more attracted to the woman whom is now my GF (which could be ex-GF shortly). We went away together (as friends still) to the Caribbean and that changed everything for me. I confronted her about my feelings for her, and she shot me down.

Never handled rejection well in my life, especially at the same time when I've never fell for someone that I wanted to care for too (it was always just "sex" as my end game, but not with this one...)

We had stopped talking for about 6 months, and somehow I was given a 2nd chance. We took another trip shortly after re-kindling our friendship, and when we got back is when she finally came around and wanted to give me a chance at a relationship with her.

From that moment, I had stopped communication with former flames, and stopped my habit of creeping for sex with prostitutes.

My life honestly couldn't get any better. I knew this. I'm successful with my career, I have a great family and upbringing, and now the last piece of my puzzle was complete: I needed a partner.

We got into a few big fights within the past 6 months, and each time I learned a valuable lesson. I had a crash course on how to be emotionally supportive and consideration. These are skills I never picked up in my former relationships simply because I never gave a damn about them. When a hiccup came to fruition, I would just leave and find another. I always believed in the saying "I just don't have time for stupid behavior".

Now I sit at home, eating those exact same words.

What happened was about 2 months ago during our last fight, I thought my relationship was coming to a close. Emotionally I couldn't take it. Physically my body was weak because I had also taken up another job (two full time jobs) and mentally I was under a lot of stress from all of the above factors.

Nov 12, 2013
I believe I can change for the better...
by: Anonymous

Part 2 of 3:

I'm typically a cold hearted selfish in my ways, and this is what kept me motivated in my career. Being under all of the above stresses, I needed immediate relief.

Rather than being rational, logical, and honest... instead I was irrational, illogical, deceitful and flat out stupid. I did the one thing I knew would bring out of this "low"... I saw an escort.

The part that kills me is that I know it was stupid. I had such a bad feeling about it when I went over to the escorts place. When I had gotten there, as soon as I entered the room, I felt a bit of emotional relief. Just having someone pretend to "want me" (even though it was an exchange for money), that was enough for me to feel a bit better.

Instead of going through with a typical visit as I would in the past, I actually used her washroom, spent a whole 5-10 minutes in there just looking myself in the mirror, then I came out and I just asked her a few questions from an anonymous females perspective about the situation I was going through with my GF. I spent all of maybe 15-20 minutes max from the moment I entered to the moment I left.

As outlandish as it may be to believe, I did not have a sexual encounter of any sort during my relationship.

I will admit, and have admitted to my gf, I truthfully did go see the escort with intent of having sex. Upon arriving at the door, I simply could not go through with it. I know the intent alone is admission of guilt. I know it's morally wrong. I also know the impact of that choice.

Because I had gotten away with it at the time, I opted to never visit another hooker. Not since, and quite frankly, never again.

My GF discovered the text on my phone and rightfully questioned me for it.

This is where things go from grossly bad to horribly ugly. I wasn't upfront and honest about that encounter. Hindsight being 20/20, I now realize I should have came clean about it. Instead, I lied. That lie was flawed and she picked up on it then questioned me against that. That's when I finally fessed up about the encounter but by then it was so late, and I had made matters significantly worse.

I have spent the last couple weeks trying to convince her that I am being honest, that I am being faithful, and that I really don't desire anyone else in my life. I am completely fulfilled with my GF.

I am going for Sex Addiction assessment in the coming days to find out how severe my problem really is and if I'll truly just get past that stage in my life forever.

The purpose of this open letter is that I truly believe I can change for the better, but given the reactions and results of other victims in broken relationships due to prostitution addiction, I feel horribly guilty for putting the one person that means the world to me in the same category of hurt you all are feeling.

Nov 12, 2013
I believe I can change for the better...
by: Anonymous

Page 3 of 3:

If there are any other comments, suggestions, I am extremely eager to listen. I know I can't be this way any more and at the same time, I have to do right by my woman. I need to prove to her that I can do this. I need ideas of things I can do now to show her that I am putting in my absolute maximum effort to correct this behavior and make her happy again someday.

In an effort not to leave out any important points, she did ask me to go with her to see the hooker to prove my innocence. Considering the encounter I had was a few months ago, I highly doubt she would remember my specific situation, and I truly fear two things:

1 - She will say something that isn't true. I.e. "We had sex."

2 - I do not want to allow the chance for my girlfriend to EVER doubt herself by ever making comparisons between herself and the hooker.

With these points listed, I refused to go see the hooker with my GF. She has said that it would prove my innocence, and it would *IF* she remembered.

I'm at a loss here. I can't bear the thought of losing her and I can’t shake off the fact I had a really bad lapse of judgement.

Nov 10, 2013
Stay or go?
by: Anonymous

Hi ladies. Its been a few months since I found out my husband has cheated on me with escorts. We have two children. I am just wondering have you ladies stayed in your relationships after finding out you have been cheated or did you leave?

Nov 10, 2013
oh ladies, we are all in the same....
by: Anonymous

I was surprised to find this site... I am going through the exact same thing. My marriage - 27 years... failing due to online porn sites.. and these online whores who talk to our husbands and beg them for money... and pretend they are in love with them just for money... I found my husband's emails to one... she told him to send her money and then says he should leave his family for her... unbelievable. I don't know what to do. I'm just hurt. I'm so sorry to hear you are all going through this as well. My prayers for you all that you will remain strong and make it through.

Nov 09, 2013
Re:To So Glad I found this
by: Anonymous

Absolutely I am thankful to know, even though at times my mind has reacted in ways like I wished I didn't. But it was really like I was bargaining with the universe and just saying no, I don't want this to be real. Alas, unfortunately it's very, very real.

I almost felt bad when I read these stories because they gave me relief that even as I thought I was going to spontaneously die from the soul crushing pain and go crazy on my way, things can truly always be worse. I could have very easily never known, because I never had a clue. None. I would have bet my house and everything I own against this. Silly, silly me.

BUT I am doing about a million times better than I was, which still isn't great, but I'm never looking back. Not only did he do this to me for our entire relationship, but he continued to lie to my face when he knew that I knew without details. Then he ran off out of state to sunny South Florida (where I'm sure there is a plethora of prostitutes)and left me here to fight for my own life against my grief. Enough is enough. He doesn't get to do that and EVER speak to me again.

This has made me see I'm not crazy in so many ways! I told my friend after I confronted him that he started wanting to go to FL REALLY bad (has a house there) but it wasn't like normal getting away it was like he was ABSOLUTELY ITCHING to go. I told her he was acting like an addict in need of a fix, I assumed because he was kind of shut down here as he pretty much knew he was busted and was minding his behavior. I kind of doubted myself, but I felt SO VALIDATED to come here and read the same story over, and over, and over.

This is the first time in my life I've ever fully listened to my gut and I will never doubt myself again. Silver lining perhaps. Best wishes to you all.

Nov 06, 2013
To. So glad I found this
by: Anonymous

Consider yourself fortunate that you found out before you were married and had a family. Trust me that complicates this even more because then children are involved. Not that it hurts any less for you. After a year, not a day goes by that I don't wake up and replay all of this in my mind. I wonder why did I think I was so unworthy of an honest and trusting relationship. Truth is that's how he always made me feel. Like I just wasn't good enough. The damage that's done to the unsuspecting partner is devastating. There really aren't any words to describe how bad this feels. It has affected every part of my life. I am bitter for wasting so much of my youth on a disgusting pig. There are so many men that do this and they don't get caught. I feel worse for those wives at least we know what kind of animal we are dealing with. Yay for you, I wish you the best. Find someone great that deserves your love.

Nov 06, 2013
So glad I found this
by: Anonymous

I hate that each and everyone of you is going through this, but I cannot describe how glad I am that I found this. I thought I was literally going to lose my mind yesterday as I finally got specific confirmation of this activity day before yesterday of my bf of 4 yrs activity that I started suspecting 3 months ago after accidentally finding a web image saved on my MAC of a search for casual encounters. it was like God spoke to me and i knew immediately. I have spent so much time, money and energy on finding him out for sure that I have been shut down for 3 months. It is a relief to finally know but the pain like many described here is indescribable and at times unbearable.

Prior to having concrete evidence I told him I knew, which I did, just not specifics and begged him for a week to please just be honest with me, I feel I deserve that much. Nope. I think that's one of the hardest parts to deal with. This person that I loved and trusted completely, and i thought loved me, not only did this to me for our entire relationship, but watched me at my lowest crying like a wounded animal and begging for honesty to help me heal, seemingly doesn't even think I am worth that much.

There is much much more to the story, but I just get up every morning and try to take back a little of my own life that I feel has been stolen from me. Thank you to you all for your very honest and candid descriptions of your experiences. It has and I feel will continue to help me more than I could ever express.

Nov 04, 2013
I understand
by: Anonymous

I just found this article, and want you to know that I understand, it and it's hard to recover from... I will put my two cents in. I have been through this with my now ex boyfriend.... and it was an awful experience. We dated for 7 years and it was very up and down as he was 20 years older than me, had commitment issues, addiction problems and interpersonal problems. Top it all of with being wealthy. We were good friends and I really loved him, warts and all and still do, though I would never take him back (and thought he loved me). However last year he suddenly dumped me after 7 years for an escort/prostitute and has been "dating" them ever since. While he states on his online profiles on that he is looking for a life-long companion, love and is "no longer trapped by the bonds of traditional relationship life", what I can tell you is that he was never able to or capable of having a true, deep love relationship and has turned to prostitutes instead of looking within and dealing with what he needs to in order to have a healthy relationship with someone. Each of his long term relationships before me had the same issues and ended in similar ways. I would make an assumption that a woman who is an escort also has interpersonal issues as well. And what's interesting is that I am 31 now, good looking, in great shape, I have a great career and a business (which I started at 18) and did it all by myself with no help... and when I was left for his life of dating prostitutes, it took a long time to get my self-confidence back up and not wonder what was so wrong with me? And what the **ll, he never helped me!? lol

I am still struggling, as this all just happened in May 2013... but keep strong, reflect and understand why YOU were in this relationship so it NEVER happens again.

Best of luck!

P.S. I know the pull of wanting revenge, but I believe in karma.... and it WILL come back around

Oct 27, 2013
Be strong girls
by: Anonymous

I have just been through this too. You need to be strong and know you can do this yourself. This is no way to raise children so please don't stay with him. Your kids will respect you in the long run for doing the best for them and protect them. They learn from our actions, both parents, you know what influences they need in their lives, be strong and don't let this repeat in your children's futures be they boys or girls

Oct 10, 2013
To. Vancouver "21 years old"
by: Anonymous

You need to get professional help today. Call a support group for sex addicts. Don't be ashamed to get help. It is a shame to continue this behavior and you know it is wrong. It will get worse and worse until the devil has complete control over your life. Go to the support groups, go see a certified sex addiction counselor (the support group might be able to direct you to a free or inexpensive counselor)and go to church and get a close relationship with God. Know that you will have to get help for this addiction the rest of your life. Never let your guard down on it or it will creep back. You must stop watching porn, masturbating and all the sexually deviant behavior completely forever. All the tools the recover support group gives you will help you to do this. You will have to retrain your brain and make your recovery a lifetime commitment. If you get into a relationship, you must let the person know that you are a recovering sex addict. You are not alone. There are many people who have this addiction and can live a healthy life if they continue their relationship with God, therapy and support groups forever. I said a prayer for you and I hope you will do all these things. May God help you as you also help yourself through therapy to beat this addiction. You will never be able to do it alone no matter how hard you try. Don't let the shame hold you back form getting healthy. There is much hope!

Oct 08, 2013
Married 20 years to a man I thought was wonderful
by: Anonymous

Well, last night my husband stooped to another low. He came home feeling really down and asked my son to turn the TV off so he could talk to him. My heart dropped because I knew what he was going to say and I shook my head no to him so he wouldn't do it. He did it anyway. He proceeded to tell my son that he was moving out because he hurt me and I couldn't forgive him. He said he thinks its the best to help me get over what he had done to me. I was so freakin mad. We had discussed this and I told him not to do it. He wanted to stay and I agreed to let him stay until our son graduated and we would take it one day at a time. Of course he didn't tell my son what he did or even that he had been unfaithful...just that he had done things to hurt me, I couldn't forgive and that he would always love him. My son was devastated and couldn't eat his food. I wish I didn't have to see my husband's face again, but I would rather suffer than to let my son suffer. Therefore, I told my husband to come up stairs so I could talk to him. I told him that we never agreed to do that. He was crying, like usual (poor thing), and said he should have never done that. He said he didn't know why he did that, but he was feeling so low and thought it would be better for him to leave the house. Did I mention how selfish my husband is. Maybe this was all a ploy to make my son and therefore me feel sorry for him. I told him to stop crying and to straighten up for our son and I held his disgusting hand, which he kept taking away telling me not to touch because he didn't deserve for me to touch him. Then we went downstairs and told our son that we would work through things and that he wouldn't move out. My husband told our son that he had done some bad things that hurt me and we would try to work through it. I asked him was he going to tell him what he had done (we had agreed to tell everyone that he had been unfaithful when the time came), my husband looked at me and said, "you want me to tell him" my son looked at him and said he didn't have to tell him. He needs to own up to the things he did. I don't think I was asking to much for him to tell the kids he was unfaithful instead of the complete,
ugly, filthy truth. My son did feel a lot better after that and was able to eat his dinner. We all watched a movie together later. It is going to be hard to have him around for the next 9 months, but our son deserves to be happy. He is an awesome kid!

Oct 07, 2013
by: Anonymous

That was so powerful.i understand how you feel. Mine had been really good for over a year. I can see its creeping back in like evil has a way of doing. He's starting to look at porn again. That's how this starts.... He thinks he can handle it and its "normal" for men to look at porn. Maybe for some but not for a sex addict. Now he wants to ride his bike on Sundays. That was another cover he had. He would be gone for 4 hrs. Well, not this time. I am livid. Won't ever do this again.

Oct 07, 2013
Married 20 years to a man I thought was wonderful
by: Anonymous

Well, it is day 5 and it doesn't seem like I can handle this until my son graduates from high school. I want to put my husband out and never have to look at his cheating face again. He finally told me the other day that it wasn't just bjs that he got from the prostitutes over the years, "less than 6" were regular sex. I decided to look at the phone records the last month and see how many were prostitutes. He called them a lot. On the day I caught him, he had called about 4 or 5, but couldn't get in touch with any, he said. One finally texted him back that night and that is how I found out. The day before, he had called one and called me the minute after...I guess he couldn't get in touch with one then either. He came home and we were together that night (can't even say maid love because it just doesn't seem like that was what it was after all I have discovered). I saw that he had called one at 6 am that same morning as well. I asked him if he saw the women in the morning before work too, he said he didn't get in touch with one that morning and he never saw them before work, but if he could have seen them in the morning, he would have. At least he is being honest now, which is good for his recovery, but having him here is terrible for mine. We live in a small town with a few military bases, so I guess the prostitutes are in high demand and they aren't available when he wants one. I guess if they were, he would have been with a whole lot more and we would be out of a whole lot more money. Anyway, I can't stand to be around him. He always wants to talk. He is sleeping downstairs and keeps coming in my room to talk to me. I'm trying to put up with him until the summer when our son graduates, but I don't think I can do this for my sanity. I don't want to hurt my son anymore or make his senior year any harder. He has such a heavy workload at school. I am going to the doctor today to get tested for everything. I'm thinking about going to a group session with women who have gone through this tomorrow. This is so unbearable. How can I pretend to be with him for 9 more months? I still want him to beat this thing for ever and have a healthy relationship one day. I don't think I ever will. I don't think I will ever trust or be with another man again. I have men who try to talk to me all the time and tell me I am beautiful. That has happened throughout our entire marriage, but I have never given them the time of day, because I am a faithful person. I wasted so much time with this nasty, filthy, pig; although, I thought he was the best husband ever.

Oct 05, 2013
To married 20 years
by: Anonymous

You are very welcome! The books I recommended are a great insight to the addiction and also to the grieving process that we are all going through. In the months to come you are going to feel like you are going crazy with with many highs and lows. It's as though you will experience every human emotion that you can possibly think of. It's painful.....Keep talking to your mom as long as you feel she is a good support system for you. I was a stay at home mom for over 10 yrs. Within months of discovering the affair I started searching for a job. My children are sooo young that of course was an issue, so I looked for something within the school district and am now teaching in our district. Try your best to keep busy, exercise if you can to help with the anxiety. Forgiveness will not come easy, I am not there yet. Overcoming the resentment is even harder. Worse yet, are the intrusive thoughts and images that I wish I could stop. You will experience all of this as part of your healing. You will love him, hate him, want to hold on, throw him out all at the same time, it's insanity! One other important thing to add, is that sex addicts are known to lie rather then to risk losing everything. Please make sure that your husband goes to a psychologist that specializes in sex addiction. Some may even require a polygraph as a condition of his therapy to keep him honest (don't tell him this). Start calling and doing a little research. The truth will all come out in the wash, you'll see. Don't go to a marriage counselor, you both need to see someone that is familiar with "sex addiction". You may want to seek counseling for yourself if you can afford to so, some insurance's have mental health as a benefit. Good luck, and write again if you need my help for anything else!

Oct 04, 2013
To "A year later"
by: Anonymous

I'm so very sorry you are still feeling so bad after an entire year. You can't control what your ex does. Work on yourself. Mend your relationship with your children and maybe you should tell them the truth, but leave out the bad details, just say he was unfaithful often. You should do positive things like work out. Join a Zumba class and make exercise part of your everyday routine. It really helps to boost your mood. Take good care of yourself, because no one else will and pray, pray, pray, pray, pray! I pray that your spirits will be lifted and you will find much happiness soon and forever!

Oct 04, 2013
To "Married 20 Years"
by: Anonymous

From: Married 20 years to a man I thought was wonderful

Thank you so very much for your encouraging words. It really helps to know there is some light at the end of this dark and ugly tunnel. I will definitely look for and read the books you suggested. I need all the help I can get to make it through each day. We have both spoken to our pastor about his ugly, filthy secret and he went to his first sex addicts anonymous meeting last night. He is also going to get counseling and continue to confide in our pastor. He knows that getting weekly help is something he will have to do for the rest of his life. I have confided in my mother about everything that he has told me. It was excruciatingly painful, embarrassing, and shameful to tell her, but it helped me to talk to her about it. I don't believe anything he says anymore. I am taking it one day at a time and trying to get myself emotionally together to deal with the days ahead. He doesn't make me feel guilty and has told me several times that this is not my fault. He told me that he is sick and it has nothing to do with me. I don't have a job right now and am looking hard to find one, so I can support myself and our son. I finished graduate school a few months ago, thank God, so hopefully I will be able to find something adequate and fast. I will continue to pray for him, my family, myself, and all the other people going through this that God will take the devil out of our lives. I pray that God will no longer let the devil rule my husband and that God will take over his life and ours. Thanks again. It really helps to hear that things will get better, because they are worse than I ever imagined right now. May God bless and help you and your family on this journey to recovery.

Oct 03, 2013
to: married 20 yrs
by: Anonymous

I have also been married for 20yrs to the same man. We have 2 children ages 10 and 7yrs. A year ago I discovered he had been having a 4 1/2 yr affair with a stripper. He also admitted to having 2 other affairs, also with strippers. During the day while he should have been at work, he would take time to go to the strip clubs and VIP rooms, he finally admitted to going over 100 times during our marriage. I never knew any of this. A year later I am still hurt, angry, confused, disgusted and humiliated by his selfish inappropriate actions. I have taken baby steps to set some boundaries. I asked him to move out, no more sex, vactions or dinners out with him. I too want a divorce. He has robbed me of many years that I could have been married to someone who wanted to be with me and only me. He put me at risk for STD's, and kept me trapped in something that was never a marriage. I am an attractive women and he has always been jealous when other men look at me. But looks don't matter to a sex addict, everything is all about them, they objectify woman and obviously don't have any respect for them or even themselves! I am sure there is a lot more that isn't being said. Don't believe your husband when he says he was just getting a BJ's!!! It's a flat out lie, I can guarantee it! Ask him to take a polygraph and you will see that he is lying. Don't feel ashamed, you did nothing wrong. He is the digusting one. Someday you may want to have him tell the kids what he has done to cause you two to get a divorce. He should be the one to tell the kids, that's what I made my husband do the day he moved out. You don't have to get too detailed with the information but they should know. The road to healing is a long and lonely one, some days good and others really bad. But hang in there, things will get better and you will see things clearly in the months to come. I also recommend reading a few books that may help. "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes and "Your Sexually addicted Spouse" by Barbara Steffens. You can probably find them at your library. They helped me and I hope they will help you too. Stay strong, find someone that you really trust that you can vent to. Take steps to create boundaries so you can start feeling safe again. Things will get better, pray everyday and have faith. There is nothing healthy or normal about their behavior or sexuality. Normal people don't do this, it is an addiction/sickness. Please remember this, because he may try to convince you otherwise or even blame you. Don't for one minute believe it, let him accept full responsibility. Because this has nothing to do with you! Hang in there, we will all get through this and as painful as it is knowing, I would rather know, then live a blind life!!!

Oct 03, 2013
Married 20 years to a man I thought was wonderful
by: Anonymous

I just found out last night that my husband of 20 years is a sex addict, addicted to porn, prostitutes, and gambling. He said when he was gambling, he wasn't seeing prostitutes. From what he said, I figure he has been with over 200 prostitutes since we have been together "getting protected oral sex from them only". I am lost and livid. I don't know what to do. He has always been such a loving husband and father. We have always had a wonderful sex life. He was always satisfied well, or so I thought, but I guess when you are an addict, there is no satisfying your sickness. He has deceived me and our family and friends all these years. I pray he gets the help he needs, but I don't want to be married to someone like that anymore. I will never be able to trust him and can't stand him right now. Although, I wish the best for him and want so desperately for him to get cured of this for his and our children's sake. May God guide and help us all through this horrible time. I know I need help to deal with this. I can't eat or sleep. I don't know how I am going to make it through the day let alone until my son graduates high school. I plan on pretending everything is okay until my son goes off to college because I know it would devastate him for his father and I to separate right now. He has so much going on with senior year and applying to colleges and scholarships. He and our other two children who are grown think the world of him. I don't want them to be hurt by this, but I know they will eventually know we are getting a divorce for some reason. I can't even deal with this myself, so I know they wouldn't be able to. I would never tell them what he has done. Again, I pray he gets help and that we can both go on and live our lives as healthy, happy and good people.

Oct 01, 2013
Me too
by: Anonymous in canada

My husband also cheated on me with massage parlors and prostitutes. I cannot believe he would do this to me and our three kids. I have always been there for him and been supportive. I know for a fact that I do NOT deserve this! Nobody does. I deserve better and my kids will be better off with us divorced than to stay married to someone who would put me at risk like this and betray me in this way. Stay strong ladies. We can do better.

Sep 29, 2013
Grounds for divorce?
by: Anonymous

I am the wife of a military officer with a high clearance. I found proof that my husband has been thoroughly researching escort services on a recent business trip. Found out he is here in our home city also. But I don't have proof he ever went and I know that's what he will say if I confront him. My heart is broken. I'm not mad, I'm sad I wish I was mad! We have 4 amazing kids and people tell us they want to be just like us - happy marriage, great kids, blah blah blah. Is just my hard proof that he has been researching the massage parlors and escorts grounds for divorce? I know actual proof like photos are ideal and I should hire a PI. We are dealing with a military officer with a high clearance.....I don't know if I am prepared to ruin his career and reputation. I need advice quick- I am losing it!!

Sep 25, 2013
I hurt
by: "The Navy Chief's Wife"

I found it yesterday... and today is my 32nd birthday!!! I have stood by this man for the 9 years, two sons ages 6 and 8, the death of his mother, 3-failures in rank promotions to E-8 and NOW THIS mess. I laid in bed last night wanting to die by my own hand than face the humiliation. This man has robbed me of everything and I know that his family will try to take my children. I am currently serving as an AmeriCorps VISTA for a 2nd term after returning to Virginia via a military PCS move. I have not been able to find a career since returning so I accepted my current VISTA position to help ease his responsibilities as bread winner. I have always been "RIDE or DIE" for this man and he knows it and mentions it often...yet it seems like his living back here in the Hampton Roads area he can't keep it in his pants to save his life or our family.
I furious but more confused than anything. I have watched this man cry on his knees and have consoled him which is new to him (grew up in a loveless bitter single parent home). He promised me that our children would never experience what he did growing up and he would never put me through the pain of raising our children alone like his mother did with him.. YET HERE WE ARE!! **ssed that he's supposed to lead by example as a DECKPLATE LEADER I'm ready to call his ship and let them know exactly what and who he is... they more than likely don't care/ do it themselves. He's currently on his ship until Friday and we haven't spoken about this other than me fussing at him through emails. He only responded to me this morning @ 1:23am to tell me Happy Birthday...WTF. We never fuss or fight, so this whole thing has caught me off guard, but I couldn't help but lay him out. I asked the Lord to guide my tongue as I approached him via email and I tried so hard but flesh rose and I let go.
I have lived my life for GOD and my family. And there is nothing that I wouldn't do for my husband the pain is beyond anything I have ever felt. HELP I'm so lost and embarrassed!!!

Soooo hurt... just lost.

Sep 25, 2013
To a Year later
by: Anonymous

My heart breaks for you! I am so sorry that a year later you are still struggling so much. If your kids are university age can you tell them the truth of what your husband did? Keep going to counselling and find that will to go on. Do not let him win with this. Even though your relationship with your kids might be strained right now, they do love you, and do care for you. You need to keep persevering and living for your kids....that relationship can be repaired. Don't give up! Please! I understand the depression side of it. I found out about a month ago about my husband. I have so much hate and anger towards him, yet around our friends and in public I have to fake that he is this great man. He absolutely disgusts me. I am scared to leave. I am a stay at home mom. I find that the thoughts of everything are all consuming....especially going through it alone and internalizing everything. He doesn't want me talking to anyone about it and I'm embarrassed to leave and also because I have no job, no way to support my kids and a counsellor told me that bc I don't work he might get the kids if I leave. So I understand that all this can send someone into a depression....as I am there too....but please don't give up. You did nothing wrong in this and it will come out. Your kids will turn around. Focus on yourself, love yourself! You may even start a new relationship with someone who will treat you as you deserve....but don't give up on life!

Sep 25, 2013
To "a year later"
by: Anonymous

I also have been down your road. Think more of yourself. Too bad if your kids blame you. They sound self centered and lacking compassion. Shame on them. As for your husband, you are far better off without that lying cheating. Scumbag. Who needs any of these people if they aren't going to support you in a positive way. Good reddens. Your kids will appreciate you as they get older and see how hard it is to be a wife and mother. Pick yourself up, get off the mess and stop thinking about suicide. That's ridiculous. There's a whole new life out there for you. Get strong and take care of you. Stop worrying about them. It sounds like they don't deserve your love right now. No one knows how this feels unless they have gone thought it. He is the disgusting garbage person, not you. Get some help for yourself and live your life. Sometimes you just have to walk away from selfish people. And get a good lawyer and make him suffer as much as possible. And yes let his family know what a piece of **** he really is.i covered for mine for years and then I lost it and told his mother just what he was doing. I got tired of taking the blame. He deserved it. Best to you my dear! Grow some and stand up for yourself.

Sep 24, 2013
A year later
by: Anonymous

I've posted here a few times now. First when I discovered my husband was cheating at body rub parlors and with prostitutes. I gathered proof and finally confronted him and asked him for a separation. I was so stupid I covered for him by letting him tell our kids and family members that we were splitting because he had made "mistakes". I never told the kids about the prostitutes. We separated in October last year. Now, a year later I feel no better than I did then. My husband's family does not call even though I did nothing wrong. My kids blame me because I asked for the separation and did not choose to go to counseling and stay with this sick, poor excuse for a man. He continues to see multiple prostitutes - paid for a trip for one of them to the west coast and paid for her child to go to camp while they were away. He is spending thousands on these tramps even though he has 2 great kids that he could be sharing his money with. I still feel overwhelming grief, despair and continual thoughts of suicide. Because of him, I have very strained relationships with my kids. My kids are what I lived for, worked for, so they could have as much as we could afford and to get them through university. I just feel they will never appreciate or love me the way they used to. What else does a mom have if not her kids. I know some on this site have said you get through it and life is better. I don't think that is the case for me. I am still on depression medication and trying to hold on to my extremely demanding job. I really can't see life getting better as the person I was is gone and the person I am now does not have the will to go on.

Sep 18, 2013
To Kevin
by: Anonymous

Thanks for being so honest Kevin. I was just wondering do you think when someone has gone to so many escorts do you think they can really stop, or would that just be another lie? Why do you choose to go to escorts? My husband has cheated for a few years with more than a dozen escorts but tells me he will not do it again. He looks as if he is trying to make strides to make things better. He is going to counseling, reading lots of books. I just don't know if I can trust that he won't do it again. Do you think that it is really possible to stop?

Sep 18, 2013
Question for Aka Kevin
by: Anonymous

I am curious to know if you had a difficult childhood/adolescence?

Sep 15, 2013
Aka Kevin
by: Anonymous

I discovered this site today because I want to desperately change, my addiction has destroyed me. I've never been married nor do I have any kids. There is no way I can possibly let someone get that close to me. I've been to so many therapist, on antidepressants for the past 12 years, tried to commit suicide twice, and have even been to a hypnotist.

I make a tremendous amount of money in my profession so my addiction never seems to make a difference financially. I've never been arrested and have had 1 STD that cleared up in a couple of days. I live a double life where by day I am a picture perfect citizen and by night I'm sexual predator that won't/can't stop. Perhaps finding this site will ultimately help me quit and help others understand this addiction because I'm the worst of the worst.

If anyone is interested in learning more about the addiction, thought process, lies etc. let me know and I will continue to post and answer questions.

Aka Kevin

Sep 10, 2013
Hookers don't make for happy marriages.
by: Adeleida

Wow....I'm not alone! Suspected but now found out my husband hires prostitutes and visits massage parlours. He has weird fetishes. Makes me sick! I'm beginning the process of divorce but I'm going to be careful and take my time. This is my second marriage and I have a son from my first marriage who us 13 and impressionable....he adjusted well to life with my new husband. I don't want to put him in emotional upheaval due to my husbands crappy choices. I think the money he has spent on these hookers is a slap in the face when we have bills to pay and children of his own to help support. What a selfish **s.
I think the best option is to run for the hills, retain my dignity and go on to do well.

Sep 10, 2013
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your pain. I know how much it hurts. My husband and I have been married for 31 years. I just found out 3 weeks ago. He was seeing prostitutes. I had gone through menopause and sex was very painful for me. And he didn't want to have sex with because he didn't want to hurt me. He never talked to me about it. If we had gone to marriage therapy before this happened this may not of happened. Before this happened I didn't feel good about myself after menopause. And after what he did made me feel even worse. I think what really hurts the most is he went to prostitutes. This is so degrading. I don't know I will ever recover from this. And ever trust him again. He wants to make this work. I'm not sure if I want to stay with him or not. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.

Sep 03, 2013
Everyone here
by: Anonymous in fl

I read your posts and I can identify with all of you. What you write mirrors how I feel every day of my life. Somehow I get comfort from it. For so long I thought I was the only one suffering in silence. I didn't think anyone on this earth could be as disgusting as the man I have spent most of my adult life with. I know I can never get over any of this but I do know I take every day as it comes and I live with this horrible nightmare that I call my life. I wonder how much more I could have turned myself inside out trying to prevent it. I have no answers....

Sep 02, 2013
To:Tired of the Battle From:Help!
by: Anonymous

Tired of the Battle: Thank you so much for your post. I am still really struggling daily. I am struggling with grief, anger, and disgust. My husband says it was a big mistake and promises he'll never do it again. Since my last post he remembered another one so it is up to 14 escorts. I just don't know if I can go on in this relationship. I don't feel like I can ever trust him again. I don't even want to work at it, he disgusts me and I am so angry. What he has done to me is all consuming. He has started getting some books and reading through them about getting past infidelity. We went to church yesterday and the sermon was on Hosea and how God wanted him to marry Gomar, a promiscuous prostitute. I of course immediately thought of our situation as the pastor was preaching. I am scared to leave because of embarrassment, I don't want to have my children suffer through a split marriage, financially it would be much harder as I am a stay at home mom. I feel if I stay it would just be a farse. I don't see myself falling in love with him again, being able to be intimate. Even in counselling I asked him what is the worst thing you could do in our marriage that I wouldn't be able to get past. He knew it was sex! I also don't want my girls when they're older and in a relationship to have men walk all over them and cheat and say they have to stay. There are so many sides of it to also being an example for my girls. I just really don't know what to do! My husband has asked that I don't tell anyone, so I'm not getting any support. We go to counselling and that is who I talk to.....maybe once a week! I am really struggling. To the outside world I have to act like my life and marriage is perfect when inside I am broken and really don't know what to do.

Sep 02, 2013
To: Help!
by: tired of the battle

Dear Help!:

First let me say, I couldn't do this all in one post, so this is part one.

My heart goes out to you! I have struggled with a straying husband during our 16 year marriage. It is absolutely devastating. My husband has finally "recovered" and is truly sorry for what he's done, but somehow years and years later I still struggle.

The reason I responded to your post was your remark about your 2 beautiful children. I, too, have 2 beautiful boys. At the time I first found out about my husband's "issues" we had no children. I should have bolted then. We were only 3 years into our marriage, no kids. That would have been the best thing, but I missed the boat on that, being young and naive and stupid as to the full reality of what I was dealing with.

You're right, having children DOES change the dynamic. You have to think of them now. My suggestion would be to find someone trustworthy to talk to. Be choosy, though, and don't be afraid to walk out on a counselor or pastor or group if you feel "off" about the advice you are getting. I can't tell you the amount of bad advice I've gotten over the years from many different arenas, including professional counselors who deal specifically with sex issues in marriage.

Take time. This is a huge decision, and even though you may want to bolt immediately or reconcile immediately (as I wanted to do. I actually wanted to do both at the same time. It's a very messed up situation to have been placed in) feel your way out of this slowly enough so that you're sure of what you're doing. And then take time to be sure that you're sure. THEN move on your plan, whatever it turns out to be.

Every marriage is different. Staying and successfully picking up the pieces depends entirely on how open he really is to trash his past and reconcile with you, and how prepared you are to take him back, knowing that everything is now changed in your relationship. Things will never be the same. The old marriage is dead (he killed it). But I think that if each of you is willing you CAN build a new, different kind of marriage. It will be different. There will never be the kind of raw innocence and trust that was originally there, but you can still have a decent, even caring relationship, one that will be a comfort and strength to your growing kids.


Sep 01, 2013
25 years of marriage to a sex addict
by: Anonymous

After 25 years of marriage, I discovered that my husband is a sex addict who has been acting out our entire marriage. I immediately sought support and have found solice through COSA and the support of a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) As a condition of my staying in the marriage, my husband began attending a 12 step program for sex addiction. What I have learned is that I wasn't a victim for 25 years. I suspected something wasnt right and, of course, I confronted him through the years when his lies caught up with him but he was a masterful liar and I chose to believe that he would change. What I have learned through working on myself is that my accepting his behavior and not setting healthy boundaries in my marriage kept me unsafe and allowed him to betray me. This is my responsibility. I cannot control his behavior of acting out with prostitutes. I can however set healthy boundaries and we can both work on, through our own recovery, honest communication. This is only done by understanding that we have both suffered trauma and hurt in our lives and that we have chosen to attempt to resolve this pain through unhealthy behaviors. For him it was acting out sexually, for me it was protecting myself from pain by choosing to not see what was happening. I hope that those of you who feel your relationships are worth saving will find support through working a 12 step program and if it is possible therapy. For it is in this way we can find happiness and fullfillment in our lives and maybe even in our broken relationships and marriages.

Aug 25, 2013
Husband addicted to porn and massage parlors
by: Anonymous

I just found evidence yesterday. I am in a divorce with him since last year. I am a model, but he never wanted to kiss or touch me. He wouldn't have sex with me. It led me to use anti depressant that made me manic and I was thought many times to hurt myself. I thought I was ugly, I became anorexic.

Twelve years of marriage. I found porn and so did my sister. He said it was nothing. All men do that. Well I know better! It's not true that all men do that. Only sick psychopaths addicted to a bizarre world.

I found out only luckily because I saw a credit card bill history online. He keeps saying he has no money but I can see why now. Prostitution is an expensive addiction. And yes, just terrible as any other addictions.

If you suspect your man of this: get out!!! Do not stay with him. He will not change! He will make you crazy and depressed thinking its your fault! Mine blamed me too and picked on my appearance saying I was too fat! I am a model. Do not believe a word he says.

I am in therapy for three years now. I see also a psychiatrist and take anxiety medicine. My stress was due to him. I am finally getting my life back! I am now in a loving relationship with a caring man who loves me truly. They do exist!

Aug 22, 2013
Simply a wolf in Sheeps clothing (my ex bf n escorts)
by: Anonymous

Where to start . Our very short relationship only lasted 6 months (3 before the first break up.) this is NOTHING. Compared to the years most people here have given to a sex addict , but hopefully it will help someone.
My ex bf TOLD me on our 2nd date that he had been In treatment twice for sex addiction. He said it was an addiction to prostitutes. That he suffered shame/blame from his mother which led him to feel he was not enough. He swore he has changed. Said he thought about it and that it was progress not perfection. I understood. We are both successful and in our 40s. I didn't think he was lying . He mentioned to me that he has been called 1) narcissistic and 2) a habitual liar. I did not think he was either if these things, in fact I felt his honesty w be canceled out the second one and his self image canceled out the first . I was so wrong .
I "think" he was loyal for about 4 weeks . I didn't know this then. When he broke up he didn't have a reason. I was very hurt but I remember thinking " no way he is cheating. I'm always w him". Turns out he had hired escorts, texted (consistently ) escorts, has "friends " who are escorts. He chooses to see some rather "different " looking escorts from his normal choice in women . His ex wives and gfs are all very pretty, educated, in good shape etc. my heart truly breaks for him. I have talked to counselors and researched this addiction. I truly believe his mind is " comforted " by the shame he experiences after he visits with these women. Maybe I am wrong. I don't know but I would love for someone w a sex addiction to escorts to please explain WHAT honestly goes through their mind before, during , and after (especially after) to help me walk away completely ( we are still friends ) from this man that I do love. But cannot help. The pit of my soul was ripped out. For the first time in many years I felt I had a good man who loved me and wanted to take care of me and my children . Instead , I got a wolf in Sheep's clothing with seemingly no real desire to change . When I confronted him he said " don't you think I would if I could? I hate myself !" I just don't get it .

Aug 21, 2013
by: Anonymous

I just found out yesterday that for the last 3.5 years of my marriage my husband has cheated on me with 13 escorts. We have two children so my youngest was under a year when he started. It was fluke that I even found out, I had intuition to check his computer and that is when I found stuff. He first lied and denied, but yesterday came clean. He says it was nothing to do with me, it was just a transaction. He says he wants to work on our marriage and he will never do this again. I don't know what to do. We have been married almost 11 years and have 2 beautiful children. What should I do?

Aug 16, 2013
I am Haley
by: Haley

Hi Wonderful Ladies! I am Haley. It is three year later and I am now 36. I found this by accident.

A lot has happaned but I am so much better now. I never think about my ex unless I am worried about him hiring someone to kill me. He had to pay me some money and I know that is cutting into his addiction. I emailed everyone I could and let them know I was afraid for my life and I CC'ed him on it. Hopefully that will protect me.

I just am writing to let you ladies know that find out today or tomorrow that find out your married to a sex addict to hang in there! I was in agony. I went down to 99 pounds... I was dying. But time does heal! I know it is cliche but please believe me. The show will go on and you are the star of it. Just keep your head up to the sky.

I want you to know that you have to feel the pain and allow the suffering. Mourn and go through the agony. Eventually you just cant go on like that and one day you decide that the sun on your face is reason enough to smile. I swear this is true. But I think it is different amounts of time for everyone. I know how hard it is and you feel like no one understands and the truth is more than most dont understand. But I understand! You are all in my prayers and I send out so much love to you. I need your prayers as well that God keeps me safe until my divorce is finally final and i have no ties to a psychopath.

Aug 12, 2013
So very hurt
by: Anonymous in fl

Dear ladies
Unfortunately, I have had the same problem as all of you for the last 28 years. I can't even bring my self to the point of writing the words here. This is so devastating and more widespread than we think. Most men have sex with disgusting dirty filthy pig prostitutes and more than likely they are married. I live in fla and there are these illegal massage and body rub places everywhere and they advertise . Just modern whorehouses so accessible for men. I wonder why police let this go on. They do nothing about it here.
All of this has ruined my marriage but more important its ruined my life. I spent all of my life so far being a great wife working hard on a career and raising a family. For what? This horrible disrespect from a man. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wake up feeling disgusting and ashamed of my life. All because my husband has chosen to pay pigs for sex. I try not to even think about all the money he's wasted on that. I wonder how much better the quality of our lives could have been without that "dirty little secret" men like this are degenerates they never ever change. Don't believe when they tell you they will. They just hide it better.ive gone through that phase many times. Be strong, throw them out immediately and don't listen to anymore lies.they will never have any respect for any woman. That's why they choose to do this.dont look back, move on and make yourself important. I only wish I had done that 25 yrs ago. Could have had a nice life without all this horrible pain. Best to all of you.

Aug 11, 2013
Glad to be rid of him
by: K's ex

My ex husband wasted retirement money on prostitutes. In just 9 months he spent $20,000 that he said he spent on gambling. When I looked at the history on our computer here was his photo on porn dating sites with a profile that said he wanted a woman to have oral sex with him and the next day I found definite proof of one prostitute he'd visited. The same week I was diagnosed with cancer. The same week we separated. It was hard having to have surgery for cancer and coping with a separation at the same time, but I somehow managed to get through it all. That all happened just last month. I've read comments on here from women who somehow think because their partners have betrayed them this way it has made them feel powerless or that they feel that they are unattractive etc. They shouldn't feel that way at all. It is their partners who have a problem not them and they shouldn't be beating themselves up. To all you beautiful women on here, don't stay with a man who treats you that way. I am now cancer free and also glad to be rid of a sexually addicted man who didn't deserve me

Jul 29, 2013
28 year marriage ruined by sexual addiction
by: Anonymous

My ex-husband left the family after 28 years of marriage. The first thing he did was have an affair with a 28 year old co-worker. He was 52 at the time. Then he got a girlfriend closer to his own age and they got engaged ( even though he and I were not divorced.) She sent his ring back by fed ex about 2 weeks later and when I asked him about it, he didn't give me a straight answer. Then he found another girlfriend, around his age who was 55 and never married. My daughter and I would catch him in lies- like saying he and his girlfriend were out running errands but then we would see him sneaking out of his apartment. I thought he was having an affair, but I commented to my daughter that maybe he was living a double life. Then one day, my daughter was alone at his apartment and looked through her gmail and found in his inbox, dozens of emails from escorts with times, dates, names, phone numbers. My daughter took pictures of them with her phone. He even had contact with a married couple on craigs list for a threesome. We decided to tell the girlfriend because they were talking about marriage. My daughter told her that my ex-husband was being unfaithful but she refused to believe it. I think my ex told her that my daughter is an addict and was lieing. My daughter is a recovering alcoholic and has addiction issues but I saw the emails with my own eyes. Even before she found out, My daughter would no longer stay at his apartment when he was drinking. I confronted him about his 'activities" but he will not talk about it. He did say that he is an alcoholic, like his Mother so there is a definite genetic strain. I think he is ashamed because during most of our marriage I thought of him as an honest, ethical man who took pride in his character. It helped me to heal from the divorce because I realized it wasn't me that drove him out, but his compulsions. I feel sorry for him, and he is still with the second lady but the marriage plans were called off. My daughter no longer speaks to him. I think if he would accept responsibility and apologize, they might be able to heal. I told him that in an email. For all I know he is still doing it and I have no idea how much money has been spent on this but I'm guessing it's a lot. I miss the old days, when older guys would get turned on by watching a beauty pageant and then have sex with their wives. This is not sexual freedom we are talking about here but a nasty compulsion that is destroying families and I know this will not end well for my ex-husband. It should not be a dirty secret for the families either. Get help and support through counseling, churches, or friends. As they say in AA, "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." Take care of yourself and your family.

Jul 17, 2013
by: Doing better

I'm so sorry. We are all hurting with you. I felt the same way, like I had wasted my youth. But, I have forgiven him. BUT--It was only after I got serious, and really left--seperated from him, insisted he speak to a pastor if he wanted to talk to me it had to be in writing. Only after coming open about it with other people, carefully, he was able to get help. It took serious effort on my part to stay mad at him for a long time. That was very important. Stay mad!!! OR you will get into a cyle of hope/ despair which repeats itself. After he shows genuine efforts to be completely transparent, have a relationship with God that you can see, you can start to forgive. Trust is very hard. Even when you really believe they are doing right. You will have times when the memory of the pain continues to hurt you like if it just happened again. This is from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. If this tortures you for too long, you will need to get counseling. Do not let yourself get beat up over this repeatedly. Do not look at your life as "wasted" That is a lie. You are a human who is still alive and who has feelings and that is a gift that you can share with others. You have learned things in life, some good, some bad, but those lessons are never the less valuable. Hang in there. Get with some people of your faith that you can talk to and do not hide and protect him if you plan to stay with him. Have confidence and tell someone so you do not feel alone and he will see that you are not going to tolerate lies and cheating. My husband is a new man now. He felt horrible in his addiction to sex. He wanted people to know and to get help but didn't know how. He was very insecure and covered it up with arrogance. I have changed too. I know and have accepted that he could do this again, but I am not as afraid anymore and do not have panic attacks about it because now, I KNOW I will leave if it happens again, and he knows it too. I never let him think that "I can't live without him" I do give him a lot of attention and affection though now because that is important, they need it like we do. They feel horrible about themselves for their addiction and this can cause them to get worse so they need to now that they can change if they want to but only by trusting God to help them. And that while you may have times. I try to do lots of things I love to do now like exercise, paint, have friends, so that if this happens again, I do not feel like my life has been totally wasted. Good luck to you! xoxo

Jul 17, 2013
Just Found Out
by: Hurt Beyond Words

My husband of 24years left me for an escort he had been seeing for the past 6 months. After looking through old phone records and bank statements I realized he has been seeing/paying prostitutes for the last 3 years. He has been with over 20 women/men. When I asked why he would do this he said for attention. I said we'll I guess anyone would give you attention if you're paying them. I feel like such a fool. I am so hurt and don't understand why he would do this to us. He's throwing away a marriage for a whore. I feel like my youth was wasted on a man that could care less about me. I'm 43 years old and fixing to have to start over.

Jul 15, 2013
by: hummm

I'm also going thru all this....im a mother of 2 kids 6 and 9....I found out my husband was going to prostitutes....I felt like dying...he was so unfaithful to me..but I love him very much... cant live without him ..he denies all this but I know he is into all these things...I pray to God to give me strength...we had a big fight..I came to my mothers place..I was in depression..my mother is taking me to a therapist reiki healing...im feeling better now..please ladies don't loose hope all these men are the same...let it be....they will never change...we women have to change our minds..k they get bored with us after a time..so please pray for Strength.

Jul 02, 2013
21 yrs old
by: vancouver

I doubt someone will read this being so low on this page. I started Porn when I was about 13 and now have been seeing escorts and hookers since 19. I wasn't always like this I feel like im in a fog. This site has shown me were I can go please if you read this just say a prayer for me I want to be a better person. I have to stop hurting my self before I hurt my family.

Jul 02, 2013
Reality Bites
by: Anonymous

For the man who is faced with the dilemma of whether to stay in a stable, yet passionless, marriage or search for *that feeling*....I would suggest that you start by being honest with your partner. You entered into a partnership agreement (marriage) and your wife is Due the opportunity to make an informed decision. If she doesn't know what she entered into, then she is being cheated out of the chance to make valid choices for herself/kids.
Facing the pain/anger/humiliation/etc..is part of righting this kind of wrong. You can begin to redeem yourself by at least giving this lady the ability to See clearly what she is part of.

When a relationship is one-sided, it can never be fulfilling.

Jul 01, 2013
Porno and Prostitutes
by: Anonymous

Discovered that my husband of many years is a sex addict-was into pornography and prostitutes and God knows what else. He hid his addiction very well. Looking back, I had ignored so many signs that were red flags; I was too busy trying to support the family and raise children and I trusted him and loved him-never questioned his loyalty and commitment to me.

Found an arrest article in the paper with his name, address and his charge of patronizing a prostitute. She wasn't the only one- she was the one he was caught with. My world came crashing down-everything I knew has been destroyed and I am in agony. I don't know who he is anymore

Did a lot of research and realized he has a sex addiction that started long ago with pornography and it escalated to hookers and more. From what I have read, there's little or no chance of recovery since he is still in denial. He can't even give me the truth.

I feel so betrayed and broken but I know in my heart that I'll get past this and hopefully feel peace for myself one day.

My advice to those of you who live on the hope that he will change, consider that things will not change if he doesn't want to.
If that is the case, don't live on hope and regret that you didn't leave earlier.

Thank you all for your posts-they made me realize that I am not alone and have helped me keep sane.

Jun 27, 2013
I am that man. I am ashamed. I want to stop.
by: Addicted Man

I am married to a very caring and nice woman, but lacking in passion, physique, and motivation. We haven't had sex in 7 months, and she doesn't care if we ever do again. She said she's just not into it. 20 years ago, I had the option of walking away before we got married to be the "one that got away". I was never a cheater before, but before I got married (but engaged), I had an amazing relationship with a friend. Sex, communication, compatibility...it was all there. But, both of us decided to marry our longtime partners..the safe route.

Years went by. Unfulfilled sexual desires built up. I wanted that feeling I had with the "one that got away". Yet, we now had kids, and I couldn't walk out. So my solution was to "recreate that feeling". Thus...

Clandestine visits to strip clubs just to get a lap dance turned to VIP room visits. VIP room visits turned into hotel meet ups. They lie to me. I believed them at first, but they are all the same. They tell you what you want to hear, grab your money, and go silent until you offer them money again.

Their justification is that if I am married and living a lie, then why should they treat me with any respect. I truly deserve this treatment.

Which brings it full circle. I continue to get hurt by these longer term "relationships", which is really just a money and an emotional drain. Yet, I secretly am hurting my wife and children.

My choice is: Stop and accept my life as a stable, calm, family life void of passion or get a divorce and find a real woman who loves passion.

I hate this game of deception. I truly am sorry and need help.

Jun 23, 2013
Sorry you are hurting
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been in an ongoing cycle of hate/love..... for many years. Dealing with his porn addiction is hard enough and now you have to take a big punch in the face by learning he has been to a prostitute. Do not believe him and do not feel guilty for leaving and remember HE is the one who left when he replaced you with porn and prostituteS. Staying with him will put you at risk of this. You will go through cycles of severe anxiety, paranoia, depression. He will get tired of it. He will eventually accuse you of being unforgiving and controlling. GET OUT NOW!! At least start preparing financially so you will be able to in the future when you finally see this will not end.

Jun 22, 2013
it was "just"
by: Anonymous

My whole world changed may 4th of this yr. I've discovered after 16 yrs of marriage and a million fights over "just" porn that my loving devoted christian husband of whom we have 2 kids has been with a prostitute.

I swear I'm delusional. I have thoughts of separation. But then today all morning actually I kept thinking how nice it would be for him to make a radical sacrifice to save us and our family. Afterall he did sacrifice us to be with her. I'm an idiot. He could have given me a disease or death.

Oh but he loves me. He is so sorry. He is going to get better. So he says.

I hate him and I love him and I'm certain I hate this life.

This is beyond anything I can overcome. With him or without him. My life is changed forever.

Jun 21, 2013
Hang in there
by: Anonymous

I have just discovered that the man I'm with had--and likely continues to have---a prostitute addiction. I had my suspicions as he had mentioned that he used to *hang out and talk to* hookers when a young man. He also had a 20 year marriage in which, he divulged to me, he had dabbled in strippers and various side-flirtations. (but hadn't Done Anything--wink wink) I had been suspicious of him as he has a large amount of debt with absolutely nothing to show for it...and he continues to accumulate debt... He started buying condoms; even though we don't use them. I figure he's been spending his money on prostitutes.
This is all very demoralizing and sickening BUT this is HIS problem and not mine. To any of you going through this...keep in mind that this is NOT about you...we haven't done anything Wrong. These guys are NOT a reflection of who WE are. I'm looking for options to detangle my life from his...even though we have a child....these guys can't be helped by US.

Jun 14, 2013
the pain is unbearable
by: Anonymous

me again - I am barely hanging on right now. I feel I can't go on any more. My ex still continues to see multiple prostitutes. I am making myself ill keeping his dirty secret from our kids and his family. He does not deserve our kids love or respect. It is not fair - I did nothing wrong. I just don't think I can live with this anymore.

Jun 12, 2013
by: Anonymous

I recently found out my husband of 15 yrs is addicted to internet porn. I have caught him sending girls text and emails asking them for pictures and prices. There are no words to describe the pain I feel. I cry daily. I don't talk to friends or family because I am embarrassed and ashamed. He seems to be very upset that he has hurt me so badly and he promises that he will stop because he wants our marriage to work (we have 2 children). He also admitted that he has a problem and he says my finding out is not the only reason he wants to stop. He wants to do it for himself also. He says he has never cheated on me but I am having such a hard time believing it. I love this man with all my heart and I want to believe he will change and that he hasn't cheated but I can not seem to let my guard down. I worry daily that this will be the day I find out he did cheat.... Do I just walk away from the man that I am so in love with or do I stay? Is it possible for him to change without counseling? I feel like I am going crazy. This all I can think about.

Jun 12, 2013
to tell or not to tell
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. I don't know if you've told anyone at all but you should definitely not keep this to yourself, it will make you sick. As for telling your children or not? My husband told my girls the same time he told me. I was horrified with him for doing so, one was in her teens the other in her early 20's. As it turns out they were both a great comfort to me. I sometimes don't think I could have made it this far without their support. As for how they feel about their father? They have forgiven him and they love him dearly. Our eldest, doesn't even think about it now (it's been 2 years). As for my husband he is doing everything in is power to stop and says he is happier than he has ever been in his life. Usually, men who do this have very low self esteem and the high they get off it is the only time they feel good. So as far as we know, and I would, he is doing okay. So my point is, in your situation where their father is still acting on his addiction, their reactions my be different. But in my opinion the truth never hurts and they aren't children anymore, if anything they may learn from this experience. Good luck!

Jun 10, 2013
28 years of marriage, 30 years together - gone
by: Anonymous

I've posted on this page a couple of times now. My life has been ruined by a husband who is addicted to porn, body rub parlours and prostitutes. We are no longer together. I struggle with this every day. I am tired of keeping his dirty secrets. I feel I should let our kids know the truth. They are 22 and 23 years old. I did not want them to be hurt so my husband just told them he had made mistakes. Should I tell them the truth. The stress of keeping this from them is killing me.

May 20, 2013
by: Bella

After finding out my husband has been cheating with prostiutes. I felt like I died, everything is different. Everything smells different tastes different and just seems different. I found out in Feb that for two years he has been paying for private lap dances in a private room where it is up to the girl to offer extras for more money. He says he was getting bj's and that's it. No matter what happened in that room, just being there is enough to rip my heart out of my chest. I have two boys 7 and 5 and 17 year old from my previous marriage. I have been a stay at home Mom for 7 years. I feel so stuck and so scared of what the future holds. I made him leave after finding out. I found out by money missing from the accounts then kept seeing a atm withdrwl of 204.80 so I googled the address and saw where it was. At first I thought it was a mistake but that night I went through his wallet and two reciepts were still there. To be positive I went to the place and made sure it was the only atm. I walked in and I was so overwhelmed with utter disgust, it was dark and filth everywhere. I remember a NIN song " I want to F**** you like an animal" was playing. I saw the atm and imagined my husband using it, I put my card in it and did a ballance check and printed a reciept. Sure enough it was the same atm. I got in my car and I could barely breathe. I have went through every emotion, I even thought at one point that this was going to be a big testimony and we could heal and be stronger than before but that stopped when my counselor had me come up with some non negotiable and one was to get rid of all bank accounts except for 2 so it would be easier for me to keep track of the money and for my comfort but he would not do it. He had every excuse, he said I have access and I can see whenever I want and it is true but in my eyes he can't do that one small thing after all he is putting me through?! The other was to move, start over. He also says no to that. After that I feel done :( he is doing counseling and going to a sex addicts class but only because I kept telling him to. I feel trapped and so scared, I have no money and I don't want to take the kids out of their beds and home. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am dieing, I cry myself to sleep every night feeling so alone. My kids are the most important,I will do anything to protect them and their future. Without them I could not breathe. Praying God gives me strength and an answer soon. I don' t know how much more pain I can endure.

May 19, 2013
They never stop
by: Anonymous

I commented here last November - a 27 year marriage gone due to husbands addition to prostitutes and body rub parlours - we separated a few months ago and are in divorce proceeding now. After all the damage caused he still continues to throw money away visiting prostitutes - I have the proof and he finally for the first time admitted it saying he was trying to quit. What sickens me is that I have never told our 2 university aged kids the truth. I have kept his dirty little secret because I know it would hurt them too much to know the truth - so I let them believe I broke up the marriage because their dad had made "mistakes". Don't waste years with a man that will not change. It starts with porn and escalates. Trust me the pain is unbearable and something I don't think I will ever get through. Think hard before you decide to give him another chance. It is not worth the pain.

May 16, 2013
Don't "Diagnose" the wife you are abusing with mental illness!!!
by: Anonymous

Being married to a porn addict and not knowing why he didn't come to bed at night was extremely hurtful. Getting pushed away one way or another every night so that he could have is self time causes a lot of self doubt. Extreme loneliness. Then having to wake up to a man that is "happy" as can be put you down, call you "negative" ect ect because you are still hurt about the many nights before. Worse, is to have him blame your anger and hurt for his masturbation problem. Then, it is humiliating to have him not be able to enjoy "sex" because he needs you to use your hand. You begin to reject his "charity" attempts to have sex because you know in your heart he would rather be looking at porn, and/or he will not be back for a long time. You attempt to do other things to be happy like hobbies, friends, church ect. ect. then he gets jealous because he has no one to blame his porn use on so he becomes down putting and controlling. Then to put the cherry on top of the ice cream he calls you Bi-polar, or Borderline and you actually begin to believe it. He has a Jesus moment every time you catch him using porn and as soon as you believe he has changed and you start to trust again, he will return to his secrecy, hiding hard drives, using private browsing...he just becomes a better liar. You get on those anti-depressants....which destroy your body, make you gain weight, joint pain, fatigue, and he gets to say to himself, you are not "smoking hot" so he has another excuse to put in his tool box. This guy who commented before me is typical. Even if he is honest, he doesn't even know that he
probably contributed to his wifes death and desire to really fight her cancer. I am guessing his whole story is not true, though because they love to get attention and will even "Confess" to get a type of martyr feeling. You will note that even in their "confession" they qualify their porn use one way or another. If I sound harsh, it is because I have finally decided to get out of this abuse and can see it for what it is. I am still in my marriage, taking notes and keeping evidence. It is "peaceful" right now, but I am no longer letting him make me "crazy"

May 16, 2013
the difference between "religion" and genuine faith
by: Anonymous

After reading many of the entries in this blog, I think it's critically important to address the difference between the struggles that a person with a genuine faith in God may have with sexual addictions of any kind, as opposed to a religious hypocrite.
When a person opens their heart to Jesus Christ and invites Him into their life, it doesn't mean they'll never sin or fall again. But if they will continue to sincerely and humbly follow His Word (the Bible)and walk in faith trusting God to change them, one decision and one day at a time, God is more than able to keep them from falling. ULTIMATELY there is NO WAY they will continue to induldge in sexual sin on a consistent, regular basis if they are walking with God. It doesn't mean there won't be struggles and possibly even set backs from time to time, but God's power can absolutely transform a person's mind and heart. (I know because God changed me)
On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there who are completely phony who "talk the talk" but don't "walk the walk". They've heard the same message regarding the Gospel of Christ as the person who is actually living for God and changing for the better. But unlike a real Christian, HYPOCRITES DON'T CHANGE BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO CHANGE. Oh, they know how to talk a good game but the difference is results; i.e THEY NEVER CHANGE. Jesus said "you will know them by their fruits", not by their empty promises to change or their sanctimonious lectures/lies on how their addiction is everybody else's fault, including their spouse.
Obviously, if you are in a situation where your spouse has cheated on you, you are under no obligation whatsoever to stay in that marriage. If you are dealing with someone who doesn't want to give up their sexual addiction, GET OUT or KICK HIM OR HER OUT. But if your spouse is serious about dealing with their addiction - notice I didn't just say that they're "sorry" - but actually serious, THEY WILL SEEK AND GET HELP and BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. The only thing that will EVER completely transform a person's heart and mind from sexual addiction is God's healing power through Jesus Christ. I know that sounds rather narrow minded and politically incorrect, but as one who has overcome a porn addiction, I can attest to its truth first hand.

As Jesus said, "with men it is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible"

May 15, 2013
there is freedom from sex addiction
by: Anonymous

I had a pretty bad porn addiction for four years. My wife - who was smoking hot - and I had been married about three years at that time and were having serious issues, mostly related to her bipolar condition. I went deep into porn as a way to deal with the pain of her verbally abusive behavior and rejection of me. As a Christian I knew better but didn't know how to deal with the temptation and I certainly wasn't going to tell her. It got to the point where the porn wasn't enough and I started fantasizing hooking up with other women or even visiting a hooker but I just couldn't do it. I was too ashamed to tell her so I begged God to "out" me before I committed adultery and w/in 2 weeks she caught me looking and was really hurt about it. To my surprise, she forgave me and we started having sex again. The issues w/ her bipolar condition never went away, and six years later she passed away after a three year battle w/ cancer (2 yrs ago). Although I did fall back into it from time to time, I never went back to depths of addiction I was snared in before.

If you're reading this and you think there's no way out, I'm telling you that Jesus will set you free but YOU MUST TURN YOUR LIFE OVER TO HIM. God will so fill you with peace and hope that over time you will get free. The key is this; to the degree you yield your heart to Him and fill your heart and mind with His Word - the Bible, is the degree you'll be free. It's that simple. Overcoming it takes time but know this; the instant we surrender to Him, He comes into our heart and begins the work of healing us and setting us free!

Apr 30, 2013
To Mee to
by: Anonymous

Me again, start thinking and developing a plan. Think clearly as if you were giving advice to a friend. I was a stay at home mom for 11 years. I live in a city with no family. When I found out about his affair with the stripper, I started looking for a job. My children are young. I have a 7yr old and a 10yr old. I managed to find a job with the school district, so I am on the same schedule as my children. That way I dont have to worry about child care. As far as your family is concerned, you don't have to share the dirty details. Your life and marriage with him is private and don't feel like you have to tell them all the nasty stuff. You can ask your family for support, tell them you are having problems and thinking about divorce. Maybe you can move in with someone until you can save enough money to get your own place. Keep in mind he will have to pay you some kind of spousal and child support. Don't let the financial fear get in the way of leaving him. Millions of women do it and survive!!! If you are a stay at home mom, and he works that is the perfect time to look in the phone book for support. You might even be able to get free help through your insurance or even an abuse center. What he has put you through is mental and emotional abuse! He knows you love him and he is playing on your emotions, he is banking on the fact that you wont leave. But what he is doing is not a sign of love!!! nor a sign of respect! No one that loves someone could ever knowingly hurt their wife and children this way. He has no conscience, normal people just don't do this!!!This is disgusting, inappropriate behavior, and you have to put your foot down and not except this in your life. It is toxic and unhealthy for you, your health and your children. Please seek help, once you do, you will find the strength and courage to develop a plan to get your life on track and leave. Don't let him decide for you!

Apr 30, 2013
by: Metoo

I just don't know HOW to leave. How do I leave? I am in a foreign counry, I have no job. I have teens, I don't know how to break all of this to my family. Today, we were on a trip 3 hours from home and I couldn't take his arrogance and passive aggressive behavior for another second. He starts using alot of religious talk and overtalking me when I try to express how I am feeling. Anyway, I got out of the car, threw off all of my jewelry and walked away. My oldest son stayed with me (protective I guess) but we ended up spending the whole day on a stupid train to get home. In a way, I actually felt stronger and better just being away from him. Now, I am home, and as I type he is sitting in a chair talking, acting sweet and humble, and telling me how he is going to be a better man. All I can do is type and try to ignore him or I will just lose my mind. I never have any privacy. I never would have imagined my life would have turned out this way. 18 years of lies, and now here I am again, listening to more. What do you do in this instance. If I start screaming at him to leave, my kids end up hurt again. If I say nothing, he keeps going and I just don't get any sleep and end up hurting for "putting up with it". If I ask him nicely to leave, he stays. I just want to die sometimes. I feel like I am living in a nightmare. I am not a "size 2" I am not 19. Why does he try to keep me instead of letting me go so he can have his fantacy life??? Why try to make me trust him just to let me down. Why wast my life???????

Apr 29, 2013
by: Anonymous

Your husband has a sexual addiction, and you have to see it for what it is. I can guarantee you that he has seen a lot more then the two prostitutes that he as confessed to. I can also guarantee, they weren't the first nor will they be the last. This is an addiction, and relapse is guaranteed without treatment. It is no different then someone on drugs or alcohol. There is a compulsion to do what he does, he gets a high off of it! But please know that it has nothing to do with you!!! The feelings that you are dealing with are post traumatic stress. You feel depressed, hurt, confused, angry, you feel the need to constantly interogate him, there is no trust or respect left. I know exactly how you feel I am going through this right now in my marriage. I have been seeing a psycologist, who is helping me through this difficult time. I am also 44yrs old and have been married for 20 yrs. My husband has been cheating on me with strippers, the last one lasted for 5yrs!!!! I am also an attractive women. I workout, I dress stylish, I do my hair, my makeup, my nails. I am petite wearing a size 2. Anyone that would see me would think I have it all. Nice house, nice car, nice family, live in a great neigborhood, you name it. He still cheated!!!Please find help to give you the strength to move on! No one deserves to live a life of lies,infidelity and dysfuntion. There are good honest men out there, you just need to find the courage to let go. It will hurt but when one door closes, god opens a window. Find a support group, a pyscologist, someone from your church, look on the internet. Take little steps and things will get better. I am still depressed, and cry most days. I still can't believe that this is really happening to me. But I have found the courage to ask him to move out and stick to it. So this month he will leave and I will see where this road lead me. I hope you can do the same. I hope this helps you. I hope you feel less alone and know that there is someone else out there that know exactly how you feel! Because I am just like you, a wife, a mom and I don't deserve this, not now not ever!!!

Apr 28, 2013
Hurts so bad
by: Anonymous


I am married to the perfect woman and I see prostitutes. I'm ashamed of it. I hate myself for it. I'm sorry. I'm lost. I need help and I don't know where to turn. I know this will end badly and I can't do anything about it. I never meant to hurt her. I never thought I was a bad person. I'm sure your husbands and boyfriends never meant to hurt you. I'm sure it doesn't help but they are hurting as well.

Apr 27, 2013
I'm so scared
by: metoo

I'm so sorry to read all of your stories and I wish I could help, but just reading them you have helped me a little. My husband saw prostitutes 12 years ago. Two of them as far as I know. But, he has struggled with porn addiction every since then. Many times, he has promised to get help, stop looking at porn, be more loving and attentive to me, and I am everytime left alone, hurt and frightened.He is admitting to many, many lies, and confessing to all of his porn, voyerism...but not admitting to any further use of prostitutes, though we live in Germany where it is legal. He is trying so hard to convince me that he is changed, and that he is being honest with me. I just find it hard to believe that he isn't going to them. I have panic attacks and extreme fits of anger when he tries to calm me. I want to leave him so bad and feel so stupid for not being able to. I read the forums on men who see prostitutes and can clearly see that they just want to have sex with young girls with no feelings. I am an attractive 44 year old women but nothing like the prostitutes must be. I have had children who I love very much, I have struggled with depression from being so lonely in my marriage. I don't know what to do now. I am afraid that if I give him another chance he will hurt me again and I feel like I can't handle it again. I know men want girls who have high self esteem but now I can only pretend, but not with him. I am embarrassed to even try to be sexual because I feel so less than the girls he looks at in porn or possibly prostitutes. I don't know what to do or what to think. I just know I want to be loved and cared for and appreciated, and I am afraid it will never happen because I cannot leave.

Apr 20, 2013
My sympathies
by: Anonymous

I am here to let you know, ladies, that are suffering, that you are special.
I am a man who use to watch pornography until it it consumed my mind so much that eventually, i seeked prostitutes at a very early age of 18. Ironically, i was molested by a woman who was a relative when i was 5. The rumor in the family was that she was a prostitute. She opened my eyes at a very early age and years later her sister had pornography videos hidden in the house which i found and watched over and over again. I never was happy in my teenage years. Seemed like i always missing something and my parents weren't helpful because they were going through issues themselves. All this culminated into the person that i use to be. A person that did not have morals and did not care of hurting other ladies that would be involved with me. I sometimes blame my mother for being absent and suffering with depressive states when i was a teenager. Maybe this was the way that i would get back at society for going through this. Destroying myself and others in my path by having sex with women for money and relationships that would not last since there was no cultivation of love.
But now i say, no more. I am now taking responsibility not get involved with anyone unless friendship comes first and get to know the person real well. My relationship with the Lord is helping cope with my former past and i will never be like this again.
I say to you ladies, you are special and never give up hope. God is real and he can help you heal through the power of Jesus. I know, because he is changing me to the person who now thinks before he acts for himself and his surroundings. God bless you and if you have not accepted Christ as your savior, you should, so you can start healing and forgiving. You can do it. I am doing it and it works. Just get on your knees and say, "Jesus, i accept you in my heart and believe that you are the son of God, please heal my heart and help me. In Jesus name, Amen." God bless you all.

Apr 18, 2013
please reply
by: Anonymous

I am over 50 and married to a sex addict who is by the way going for counselling and appears to be doing well. I am the one who is not doing so well. I am wondering if I am normal or sick myself and would like to hear comments from wives either who feel like I do or who don't. My problem is that sometimes I feel like it is all going to work out and that love conquers all and family is what's important in life and that my husband is now after 20 years, finally showing me physical and emotional affection that he has never been able to show me before. Then in a split second I will feel like it's useless and that I will never be good enough for him, that there will always be young beautiful women who he will want and I'm old and have lost all my good looks. This happens all the time, especially when I'm out in public looking at all the women around me that will remind him of the women he had when I knew nothing, the women he was with when he never wanted me and all these past 20 years I thought he wasn't into sex because I wanted it and I was desirable then, and now that he wants me I'm not anymore. Am I being totally vain and selfish and crazy? I can't stop the thoughts when they come, I start to shake, feel sick to my stomach and feel like curling up in a ball and dying. I feel that if I left him, I would never be happy with another man either because I don't trust any of them now, especially since I trusted mine more than I have trusted any other man in my entire life. Please, please, comment on this. I should also say that there were 2 women in particular that he saw most of the time, one was for 3 years and other 7, and even though he says there were no feelings and it was just sex, I can't help but feel there were feelings. Like I said before, I think when he sees beautiful young women, they remind him of these 2 in particular and I think instantly that he misses them and wishes he could still be with them. He says absolutely not, that what he did in the past sickens him, but I still feel like it's just more lies.

Apr 14, 2013
I feel like I am a bad person
by: Anonymous

It hurts to say it but it's true. I'm from a loving supportive family, educated, and I'm nice to people on the outside, but on the inside is a darkness I have to try to overcome. I hurt my wife and eventually lost my marriage due to cheating, swinging, porn and eventually "massages" and prostitutes. It happened so many times and she only knows the tip of the iceberg. Since my divorce, I have been in a new relationship but when the sex slows down, I find myself back on the massage and swinging sites. My new girlfriend has a background of abuse and would be absolutely devastated if she found out that I have cheated. I have to stop. I am doing pretty well but then alcohol, porn and horniness set me back. I have never meant to hurt anyone but I feel damaged. If I can just stop. I am so lucky never to have gotten an STD and not to have a criminal record. I am taking real steps now to learn about my hurt and reading these stories helps me feel less alone. Thank you.

Apr 11, 2013
Lied to, deceived, cheated on no more
by: Devastated, now moving on

About 6 months ago I found evidence of the double life my ex-husband lived from before we ever met :( He pretended to be a loyal person while all along he was going to prostitutes. I have been saying I want a divorce for years but he always said divorce is not an option while I have now known until a few months ago that it was always an option easily due to his use of prostitutes. He has wasted 20 years of my life and stolen my opportunity to possibly have a real and decent marriage with an honest, real and loyal husband. I do not know how he has and does live with himself. When I found the evidence I had all the locks in the house changed within a few days. Very glad to be rid of him. He deliberately scammed me big time. It is still hard to believe but I know his use of prostitutes is true. I can not understand how someone can do this to another person that they supposedly love. I can not even look at his face. At least now that I have more of the truth I am able to move on with my life minus him. I am working through the pain of what he has done to me so he can not continue to steal the good things in life from me like happiness, peace, new friends, truth etc. I leaving him to his filthy world of self-destruction, he is / will reap what he sows.

Mar 26, 2013
what goes around comes around
by: chris

I use to work as an escort (6weeks) where I met a married man. I claimed he was about to divorce that’s why he visited prostitute. We stayed in touch and after a year with proof that he was divorced we started dating. I fell in love and we have been married for four years. I just discovered (through tapping his phone) that he have been going on tones of websites and meeting up with prostitute. He only admits to having sex with one since we’ve been married.
I feel so stupid. I should have seen this one coming

Mar 25, 2013
by: Anonymous

you should look into Hope and Freedom in Houston, Texas. Dr Magness was able to help my husband and he offers weekend retreats. My husband went to a weekend retreat and then we did a 3-day session together It is still hard but he gave us a start

Mar 25, 2013
Fighting not to cross line- so you ladies understand.
by: Anonymous

Reading your stories gives me strength to hold in a battle that I am losing. I discovered porn when I VERY young. I did not know what it was, but it aroused me . As I got older, I sought it out. I used to listen to and self pleasure to the playboy channel back when cable tv only scrambled the video, but you could hear the audio. I visited strip clubs. Once, a dancer let me touch her. It was like a drug. Later, I discovered porn video booths. I developed a $20 dollar a week habit watching, etc. Then, internet porn. It was like being able to make "crack" in the privacy of my own home. I have tried to stop the porn, stop thinking about it, stop doing it, everything. It is impossible. I can watch tv and see a scene and I have to act or I hear something that triggers me. I fight against it, but sitting there for 2 hours trying to divert my attention vs going online with porn and release. I choose porn. Then I discovered prostitutes advertised online. These real and different women willing to have sex, I have become consumed. Now, I visit a seedy strip club and have been chatting up the stripper who hints that I could get some "release". I am ashamed. I am scared, but I struggle to stop. I love my wife,but I can't tell her, so I struggle alone in a battle that I have never won. You guys call it betrayal, and it is BUT it is not the same as having a romantic affair. It is really a struggle that we fight. We regret our actions. We are humiliated by our weakness and cowardice. Still, like a moth to the flame we keep going back. Sorry for the pain. I don't want understanding, because I am wrong. I just thought that you should know, and this is going to sound so ridiculous, but, it is nothing personal. We are like alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. I have dealt with them and I understand the struggle. We do love our wives. We do value them, their health, and emotions. Sadly, we are slaves to our prurient interests. Every lost battle is a step closer to oblivion. When we cross whatever line you call unforgivable, you should know that we did fight. Maybe our strategy was bad, but we did fight. I apologize for the pain. If you only knew how I hate the fact that I can't have sex with my wife without visualizing porn or having a prostitute fantasy. Believe me when I tell you, your men, with a few exceptions, went through the same thing. Hurting you was never easy or intended, but it was inevitable. If he hid it, it was because he did not want it, he wanted you.

Mar 24, 2013
ex is living with prostitute
by: Anonymous

My husband of 18 years fell in love with his sensual masseuse. He left me and moved in with her. The masseuse supposedly quit for him. Now my 14 year old daughter has to spend time with her. She's very nice and clean and had "good" boundaries, says my husband, so I shouldn't worry. My heart is torn to pieces every time I let my daughter go with him. I could fight for custody but most likely wouldn't win. In California it's 50/50 unless someone gets hurt or my daughter wants it different. My daughter doesn't know what she does. My daughter just thinks she's strange but wants to make her dad happy by liking the woman. I don't know what to do!

Mar 21, 2013
Too many sad stories
by: Anonymous

There are so many sad stories about this. I thought I was the only one until I looked on here. My husband that I have known since I was 13 is addicted to escorts. I have only known his love and I am so devastated by his acts of betrayal. I know what I must do, but it's so hard. I have tried the counseling thing to try and save the marriage but I know it will not work. I have lost all faith in him as a man. I hate that I have to deal with him because of our two kids. Thank you all for posting your stories of perseverance and dealing with this issue. I know I have a long way to get over this but knowin other women can get past this and find happiness again, gives me hope!

Mar 19, 2013
To Chuck (prostitution addict)
by: Anonymous

Chuck just because you are away in another country and sex starved as you say, does NOT give you the right to seek out sex from a prostitute or any other women for that matter! Don't you think your poor wife who is praying for your safe return home is also feeling sex starved? I blindly stayed with my husband for 20yrs with the illusion of a faithful committed marriage, boy was I wrong!!! I cannot begin to tell you the hurt that I feel. Not only hurt but I feel confused, embarassed,and depressed. I also have anxiety and panic attacks after discovering his 5 yr. affair with a vietnamese stripper. I also discovered that he has had sex with 2 other strippers. This soooo painful and embarassing. The damage is sooooo great that I cannot think of anything that he could do, or say or buy me that would undo the damage he has done. We have even tried counseling, but I am so angry and hurt that I am unable to forgive and I will NEVER forget. Please know that when you cheat on your wife, you cheat on your kids too. The lies and sneaking around is done to all the family. If you love your wife, you will find it in you to avoid the "trigger" to cheat by NOT GOING TO THOSE CLUBS. You must avoid that enviroment. Think of it this way, if you were an alcoholic you should not work at a bar or liquor store, right? So, if you are addicted to prostitution you should also avoid going to places where you can "pick up". Find another way to spend your time, call your wife, go out with different friends, whatever it takes. Dont focus on what you don't have (sex) focus on what you do have, which is a beautiful wife who can't wait to see you, talk to you have sex with you and spend the rest of her life with you!

Mar 19, 2013
addicted to prostitution
by: Chuck

I recently got married at age 33 and i live in another country away from my wife , somewhere in the middle east where socializing with women is not really that simple . Lived here for about 3 years starved of sex . I got married hoping my wife will visit frequently until am able to join her back in US. but she seems not to like the place so i visit only when I can take my leave .
Anyway in the midst of my sex starved life i found some secret prostituting club where I have been going to, the women here are not so cheap costing about 250 dollars a night i spend more than 1500 dollars every month .
I am still ok but I am filled with regrets everyday but i find myself always going back there . I have tried to stop . I put stickers on my mirror warning me not to go back there but every now and then it is like am possessed i find myself back to the same club and I leave with one of them .
Once, I was about to take a girl home and another one of the girls whom i really treated so nice we became somehow friends and she told me that I should avoid that particular girl because they heard she lost a new born baby to AIDS .
I was so terrified , I have tested myself and I am negative , I am trying never to go back there. I have tried for a week but I am scared I might not hold out much longer

Mar 18, 2013
Confession of a scum
by: Anonymous

I'm glad I googled prostitute sex addiction. I've been been with my wife for over 8 years. Our sex life has always been great, but a couple of years ago I started seeing escorts, I think I must have seen over 30 by now. I know the real reasons why I do it. For me it's a fetish my wife cannot provide that i've tried to fulfill. It had nothing to do with seeing a prettier women. In fact sometimes I've seen women older, and uglier then my wife to fulfill my fetish.

The only reason I googled this, was alcohol induced guilt and I wondered if had an addiction as time an time again I've promised myself not to do it.

Reading some of the heartbreaking confessions from the wives of men like me, is really starting to hit home. From now on, everytime I have the urge, I will google this site to remind myself of the damage I have cause. The other way to sort this is put my wife in charge of all our finances. I hope this will work to save my marriage and myself from ruin.

Mar 18, 2013
Cheating Husband
by: Anonymous

I'm glad I found your website. I have been married for 27 years and 21 days ago my husband confessed to me that 270 (9 Months ago) days ago when he was on a business trip in Manila he had sex with a prostitute. He said they used a condom and he went in 1x and tried to go in a 2nd time but couldn't, realized he was doing something so wrong and gave her the $50 and she left. I am still in great shock! He put my health at risk, and thank god I tested NEGATIVE for all STD's and HIV as did he. He now wants to have God in his life and prays constantly and we just started marriage counselling. I am so angry. I refuse to let him kiss me and forget about even thinking about having sex. This is going to be a long journey and I don't know if I can make it work or not. I am so confused and deeply saddened.

Mar 16, 2013
soccer mom
by: Anonymous

I wonder why some of you are staying with your husbands, you must have your reasons. For me, after 5 years of being together and 3 years of marriage, I found out my wife was a prostitute on the side. I'm a tall good looking athletic man in great shape, so its not that I am unattractive and our sex life had been great --- nearly daily for years, so I never imagined she was who she was until I began to find tell tale signs that initially I wanted to ignore. She was very clever about how she went about it. I found a tracking device on my car and realized she always knew where I was and could avoid being caught by knowing if I was coming home and when. I hired a private investigator and it got even uglier, and more sordid--gang bangs were her thing . . . more money less time, and not just with the thousands of gang members/soldiers who reside in the metropolitan area of LA and are kept satisfied by their overlords through prostitutes, but also by the police who protect these women and are "serviced" as payment. Its a dark, dark world that I never imagined existed, and the discovery was truly a horror of realization --- organized crime. Here I thought I was happy and had found the love of my life. It is beyond description what you go through internally but the betrayal of a beloved is the cut that goes deepest. Frankly, if she wanted to live that lifestyle that is her right of choice, but she stole my right of choice by creating an illusion of monogamy, and her lies violated my rights. If I had known, I would never have committed to her and certainly not open my soul to such betrayal. There were other serious crimes of fraud and theft that occurred, and that info put her in prison for 2.5 years (not enough time as far as I'm concerned). It took a while, and a few relationships, but I feel ready for a long lasting commitment now, and fortunately, I don't judge all women by her behavior. In fact, I like how I was during that relationship, happy and monogamous was/is a great place to be at internally.

Mar 14, 2013
Whoring at 74
by: Anonymous

I'm a week into my sordid discovery of my husband of 20 years secret life of slime. What I thought was a great marriage turned out to be a sham. I caught him because his phone had all kinds of numbers and it was supposed to be an emergency phone or so I thought. I'm 60 he's 74. It turned out that MOM was one of dozens of hookers and hooker agencies. I digress, by the time he returned from golf on the fatefull day, I had changed all our financial passwords,his email passwords, tossed hundreds of dollars of Cialis and Viagra,locked all the doors and left him a note printed on a copy of his hooker appt email to enjoy his new life and send a forwarding address.
He was shocked and has been begging forgiveness. His excuse was prostate cancer and that he was disappointed in the speed of his recovery so he first turned to online looking and it progressed to massages and cheap call girls. I will admit our sex has not been great since the cancer, but I was thankful to have any sex at all and was trying to be a supportive partner. So much for support and standing by your man.
He's also begging to keep me quiet as our friends would definitely not accept this behavior or continue to associate with us as a couple. I told him that I'm definitely not sure I want to associate with him or be a couple so that's not a problem for me and have pointed out to him that I doubt they won't want to associate with me because of a whoring husband, but I'm giving myself some time to settle down and think a bit more clearly. Right now I am raging angry and hurt but I at least have the goods photos,emails ATM receipts, phone numbers so if/when I go public he won't be able to deny.
For the moment he's also in the house and I'm confident he's behaving as there is no Viagra and Cialis to be had and he know he would have to go to a different Doctor to get a new script. Without the pills he's useless.
That said, the pickings are pretty slim in the seventy plus age group. So my plan at moment is to try and get a good nights sleep and see what time brings. I did decide that I don't really care if he eats properly, or takes care of himself so while we're dealing with his whoring he may just keel over from eating crap and drinking too much.

Mar 13, 2013
really? wake up
by: Anonymous

Bless you! It was wonderful to hear your comments! Thank you, it has been 2 years for me, he is trying, and so am I, but yes it is like you say, all will be wonderful and I will suddenly without any warning get slapped hard across the face and wonder why I am bothering. Not because he has done anything, just because it hurts so much. Then I realize that I love him and know without a doubt he loves me and can finally show it, something he was never capable of till the truth came out. Please anyone else with positive comments, please send them in, they give us hope. Those of us who's husbands are really trying and have changed so much for the better, in expressing their feelings and showing physically that they have changed, would really appreciate more positive response. Thank you again!

Mar 13, 2013
re: a different perspective
by: really? wake up

I recognize you, you are an addict. You sound just like every other addict. You justify your actions because you fear the truth. You can't even see the truth because you have told yourself the same lies for so long you now think it is your truth.

You are afraid of being left, you are afraid you are unlovable, you put everyone down to build yourself up.

These "escorts" are your only intimate relationship and you have to pay them to be with you.

You are sad, you will live a lonely life, always stepping on others so no one can see what you have become.

You will hit bottom one day, if you are lucky. That might be the only way you can start to become a man again with some self respect that you don't have to buy.

For the women on here try to see him for what he is....sad, pathetic.

I've been where you all are, my husband of 13yrs was with 200+ prostitutes, $30000+ spent. It has been 3 long years since I found out. It does get easier if he really tries, but you will never forget and it will slap you in the face without any notice. But give yourself a break and don't expect the healing to be a smooth process, two steps forward, one step back. And don't worry if you feel guilty for not forgiving fast enough, or trusting enough. He was the liar and cheater while you were making his fairy tale life seem real.

Mar 10, 2013
33 years
by: Anonymous

Boy do I feel like a fool!
I have been married to this man for 33 years, never had a problem with want to be intimate se Halley with my husband...have kept myself in shape... Yada yada yada
My husband has been frequenting prostitues/whore ...the term Escort is there way of trying to candy coat the pigs that they Are... These women are whores, they screw numerous men a day and they are filthy...why would anyone in their right mind want to become one with something so disgusting and evil?
My husband was arrested...he cried, said he was sorry but never got help. I forgave him but 3 months down the road our sex life went back to once every 3 months... It would take two years to have solid proof he was back at it, but I caught him...he cried and repented again, but still no counseling to hopefully straighten out his sick demonized mind.
I forgave again and stayed because again I thought about family, business etc... Why? I am beginning to think it was so I could be stomped on more... He has never gotten help... I have once again gotten the solid evidence that he's frequenting the NASTY WHORES...disgusting pigs...makes me sick to think that I have had sex with this man that has joined himself to something that is a c@$m hole...THAT I'accustomed
If your man refuses to get intense counseling and you stay is it because you are comfortable to a dysfunctional relationship? That has become my question to myself... My bags are packing...I believe through Christ there is forgiveness for the men & women, but not if they refuse to walk toward the Cross of Christ... You cannot be a child of God and live like the devil...and I'm tired of living with the devil and his female demons!

Mar 07, 2013
Att: PIG
by: Anonymous

WOW! I pity you, obviously you are a disgrace to male population. I feel sorry for you and for anyone that is what so ever a part of your life, something had to have happened to make you hate women as much as you do. I pray to God you do not have any children. Shame on you!

Mar 07, 2013
Addiction has graduated
by: Anonymous

Hello, everyone males and females, im a 41 old professional who has had an addiction since 18. I met my wife in H.S and we had good sex before marriage and I thought i could drop all of my other girls and spend my like forever with my wife in this fantasy world. After 12 years wife started looking unattractive, i felt unattractive and the inflation with kids that didnt a "care" made me depressed. My first experoence with an escort was not what i expected, These women are either born or taught at an early age on how to please a man. Yes there are some spiritual things at play,but once you knock on the devils door,somebodys going to answer. My first real long term affair i spent $300 /wk. How stupid? My production at work increased and caused good things to happan.

My side piece was my soul mate to the point that we both started to get sloppy and started messing up our long term relationships. This one im in now is less money but more dangerous. I pray for God to forgive me. I love my wife, I want the American Dream. Its going to take time.

Mar 07, 2013
re: a different perspective
by: Anonymous

So from what a gather, we are to be grateful to you men for giving us SOME of your precious timeFor having the opportunity to do your filthy laundry, iron your shirts so you can look presentable for work, have dinner on the table when you get home, give you sex when no one else better is available, pick up after you. And all the while having the pleasure of looking at your gut hanging out from under your ugly t-shirt while you lounge on the couch all night watching sports, drinking beer, and grunting a couple of words to us now and then. We are to be grateful to all you men for tolerating us? Who the ____ do you think you are?I hope you're not married, cause if you are I pity your wife more than the wives who have been sending in their comments. And if you happen to be a female giving this opinion, I can bet you are one of the whores who has been sleeping with our husbands, buying yourself all the luxuries we have gone without. You are the one who needs help! You are one conceited selfish jerk!

Mar 07, 2013
he can't even ejaculate with me
by: Anonymous

I am with my boyfriend for a year. He has just admitted to having sex with 250 prostitutes before he met me. He has had only a few girlfriends but could RARELY ejaculate with them. He has only come with me 6 times. He has been masturbating to pics of prostitutes throughout the year & has told me his inability to orgasm was due to sciatica. He vomited when he told me. He has his 2nd counseling session on fri. Am I a fool? I am 39 & I love him with all my heart. He has 1 friend & is undermined by his family. He wants to get married. 2 weeks ago he said he doesnt know if he loves me cos he doesnt know what love is. We have talked & cried & he seems to be touching & kissing me differently. He has never known love & is trying v hard to be a good man. Please tell me if I am a fool.

Mar 06, 2013
Re: a different perspective

I strongly disagree! Marriage is a COMMITMENT and is based on TRUST. When you get married you are entering into a contract / union with your wife!!! Are you saying that all men are incapable of being faithful? So just because you come home to us we are supposed to excuse the financial ruin, lies about your behavior and whereabouts, and accept you as the addict that you are? What about the innocent children affected by your addiction? How do you rationalize spending a majority of your life savings in a few months time??? Money that could help pay off your mortgage, money that could help your children's college funds or help with home repairs?!?! Not to mention you could end up in jail! How selfish of you! I hope you get the help you need. You are the disgusting one! Good men do not do this to their families. The men who do this have no respect for themselves, low self esteem, and many issues and need counseling.

Mar 06, 2013
a a different perspective
by: Anonymous

for all you people wanting answers as to why men do this, don't you understand that this is how men are? most of you intelligent women fail to realize that men, all men, are polygamous and can never live with just one partner. if you really want to live with a man that only has one sexual partner all his life then you better stop imagining things as this is threal world, this is not some fantasy movie happy ending story that you are the main actress. realize that through it all, your husbands came home to you, also spent most of their lives with you, hell even put up with all the constant emotional moods you have JUST TO BE WITH YOU, and you can't see that and accept them for what they are. its not just you wives that lost time in the relationship, they could have had millions of experiences withoutt you there but they stuck with you though it. then you can't even stick with them for something that he really is. you women disgust me as much as you disgust your husbands. for these men, like me, sex is just sex. the experience of meeting your parents, spending time with you, going on trips, holding your hand and showing you love even though its limited and far between is still greater than what they give these prostitutes.

Mar 04, 2013
He had an affair with a stripper
by: Anonymous

I feel very much like you, angry, heartbroken, confused, depressed and embarassed. I have been married to my husband for 20 yrs! Six months ago our 10yr old daughter found a red pair of thong panites in the back seat of my truck. I was mortified! He fed me a boat load of lies and denied that he knew anything about the panties. I demanded a polygraph which he took and of course failed! Turns out he has been going to strip clubs on a regular basis throughout the course of our marriage. He confessed to having two one night stands with local strippers. The third stripper (the one who left the panties in my truck) is married and he has been seeing her for five fricken years!!!! Getting him to give me the nasty details is like pulling teeth. Over the last few months I have discovered that he would meet her at hotels during the day when he was supposed to be working! He also managed to lie and say that he was going on business trips so that he could vacation with this women! We have tried counseling but at $150.00 per hour I can't see going long term. My husband wants to stay together and begs for forgivenss. I cannot seem to move forward. I feel just as angry and heartbroken as the day I discovered the affair. I am not sure that I can forgive him. We have two small children together a 10yr old and a 7yr old. He has since broken all contact with this women, even changed his phone number. Says he never loved her. He says the reason he continued to see her was because of the sex. She did and said anything he wanted. The desire to go back and back again was very powerful. I feel unattractive, and sexually undesireable. I do not want to feel as though I have to compete with a stripper for a spot in the bedroom with my own husband!!! Please share your thoughts with me as to what I should do.

Mar 04, 2013
wow is this really happening?!
by: Anonymous

I am 35 year old mother of 3. Just found out this Valentines day my Husband had been paying for private lap dances in private rooms, in these rooms he gets bjs and gets to touch her anywhere he wants. He has spent so much money and even has emptied our kids savings accounts for his sick selfish thrill. I have kicked him out and he is getting counseling. I do not work and have not worked for 6 years. I have hatred towards him right now and just feel like I am in a dream. I cannot believe he has done this to our family. I don't know if I could ever forgive him or feel love for him ever again. Just don't know what to do :(`

Mar 04, 2013
My poor boys
by: Fed up

I have been married for almost 16 years. Our problems began before marriage but because he was in school and living 2 hours away I had no idea. At first it was strip clubs and phone sex and Internet chats. I forgave him every time because I saw good in him. He will NEVER change! Now he sees prostitutes and not just one. He has quite a list! I am devastated. I am the mom of 2 beautiful boys ages 5 and 7. I do not want to take away their childhood by divorcing their dad. They adore him and he can be a good dad when he's not busy texting or leaving us for his addiction. How can I live with myself if I stay? My boys are my life and I feel I need to protect them. I feel dirty and unclean whenever he's home. He will not change and sees a psychologist but lies to him and doesn't tell him half of his many issues. He is a stranger to me. Neve showed any interest in me but has plenty of time for prostitutes. I've lost all respect for him! Unfortunately I can't just walk away because of my sons. I am a stay at home mom with no job. I couldn't afford to take care of my kids if I left. I want what is best for my boys and honestly having such a creep for a dad is not the answer. I don't I need prayers and a job and reassurance that we can make it without him. My heart is beyond broken. I do not think it will ever be repairable. I hate him for destroying our family.

Feb 20, 2013
two faced boyfriend
by: Anonymous

A couple weeks ago I found out my bf of one and a half yrs had been seeing prostitutes behind my back. I know this isnt much compared to the long years of marriage some of you are experiencing. However, the pain and betrayal is beyond the pain ive ever experienced.

This is a man with strong morals, very reliable, and has a group of great friends. I was instantly attracted to his good heart, but would have never imagined this in a thousand years. I started to notice his distant behavior and started probing into his emails. I came across what was years worth of escort posts and reviews. These men review these women as if theyre some dish at a restaurant. Its absolutely horrifying.

Im not sure where to go from here. Everyday I'm ripped apart by emotions and confusion. Im only 26 and feel like my view on life and men has been completely shattered. I hope everyone here will be relieved of this pain someday, I wouldnt wish it on anybody.

Feb 11, 2013
please help
by: brad

Hi haley and to all u lady's out there. When I was young I was involved in the most traumatic car crash. I watched my brother dying in front of me. I was so badly injured that it was only discovered later that I had been concused for 2 years and nobody knew. I can't quite put it together but I think my mother some how became repulsed by touching me. And I am a person who needs physical intimacy. At the beginning of high school it was discovered that I have chronic epilepsy, and the details of that are to harsh to go thru. I never had a gfriend until I was 22. She was the first girl I kissed. And I loved her with everything. But I then found out she was cheating with SO many guys and she just left. I went to brothels and those places. Just to feel numb. please can u write just to show me your perspective. Brad ;)

Feb 08, 2013
I Found Help, Hugs and Hope
by: Connie S.

I am sorry this happened to you. I discovered my husband emailing an old girlfriend when I checked into our computer remotely on 2/13/06. I snooped through emails. I made him cut it off in an email. I tried to be kind & let go. I was in constant pain, could not sleep. I discovered an email from an earlier date. He had lied about when he had started emailing her. Was there more?
I confronted him. He was angry about being caught & denied it. Eventually, over the next hour of pushing for the truth, he scathingly told me that he'd been to strip clubs, prostitutes, massage parlors, etc. Hurting more ever, I asked "But why?" He said, "Because I wanted younger bodies!" I was 43. He started acting out when I was about 31, basically, our entire marriage.
I was devastated & depressed. I was overweight & I hated my body. I went to the gym, starved myself, cried, & obsessed. I wanted a drink, more than ever, but I’m an alcoholic in AA (so is he). I don’t do that or other stuff. I ran away for the day & smoked 2 packs of cigarettes after a quitting 20 years ago. I “quit” the next day. Sleepless, I returned home the next morning. I tried to “get help for him.” Sober since 1988, surely, the 12 Steps could help. I looked up 12-Step sex addiction & found SLAA. I went to meetings with him. I had a lot to deal with. I felt betrayed. We had taken out a 2nd mortgage to cover bills, & by my signing, I had paid for his sexual acting out.
March 12, after a fight with him, he told me "Sometimes, when we make love, I think of her.” I had an emotional breakdown, overdosed & was hospitalized in a mental health unit. My husband was afraid & wanted to separate. I began to let go. I knew I was powerless. I had to start fighting for myself. I prayed to God to help me. I wrote. I talked with the staff & my doctor. I made a decision to use the 12-Steps to help me. I was released Friday, 3/17/06.
My husband had moved out. That Saturday, in his AA men's meeting, he shared his sex addiction. An AA who was a member of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) heard him & told him about a meeting Wednesday night. He relayed to me the meeting story. Later that evening, he asked if would be alright if he could come home. We agreed we'd have to both work hard on ourselves & our marriage.
He went to the meeting. He told about a meeting for spouses that night. I went to my first S-Anon meeting the following week. We attended an S-Anon couples’ meeting that Saturday. We saw the same therapist, separately & together, who was trained in sex addition, 4 times a month for 3 years who committed to helping us fight for our marriage & work out our personal issues.
By working the 12 Steps, sponsorship, meetings, phone calls, friends in the program, sharing, counseling, & a personal relationship with my Higher, God, today I have a peace I never had.
Please visit sanon.org to find out more about how S-Anon may possibly help you. Thanks for letting me share.

Jan 31, 2013

Hi all. Just want to say, how very sorry I am for all of you [and for those who have yet to find out].
I'm 54, married for 30+ years. I found out about the prostitutes, when our bank called to inform me of suspicious charges...
One of them being, "Bad Girl" escort services.
Turns out, after back tracking bank statements, he had been doing this sort of thing for a while. All the time, pretending to be the perfet husband.
I've remained married, but am really regretting it these days. Since staying, I've learned A LOT!
I pay VERY close attention to what he does, and says, his actions, ect.
These guys don't change! They have MANY problems, and aren't willing to give up their activities,just because it makes us sad.
My marriage had problems early on...porn, phone sex, chats, found hotel receipts, massage spas and prostitutes. He would ALWAYS win the fight!
I didn't always know about the prostitutes, but the porn & chat we would fight over. Even after catching him & proof this last time, he defended porn to his near death!
My advice would be to leave, if you can. The longer I have stayed, the more I don't like him, and who he REALLY is. He claims he has changed. He just pretends to be the husband I thought I knew. luv to all XOXOX

Dec 02, 2012
The other broken side
by: filled with remorse

I can't believe I am writing this but I am a 29 year old male, married for five years together for six. This has been the most damaging and torturous relationship i have ever been in. At first I was rigorously honest and would tell the truth over everything even if I was embarrassed, although I was abused, accused, and even she cheated on me by kissing her co worker in our first several months of marriage. These are no excuses for what would come from me later on and neither is being bipolar and schizophrenic. I was on a manic high fighting HUGE ecstatic inspirations to cheat with hookers and finally after about a year and a half gave in. I had a panic attack afterwards, but it did not stop it escalated along with meth and alcohol and weed and anything else to numb the horrible truly awful guilt and shame and lack of self worth I felt. I kept doing it and then 2 years went by, all the while trying to leave the marriage but not being able to even move out because the was on a visa that required we live together and be married. I felt after all I had done, even though she did not know that i owed her dream to be successful as an American citizen. To make a longer and very much painful story shorter, she has never found out about my past mistakes, and after reading this I will never tell her. I am moving out in about 10 days. She is now a citizen, but I hate myself for being so disgusting. I hope and pray that the people that this has happened to can see a sick or at least a suffering human. you do not have to stay with them but at least forgive, just so that you can let go, even take pity, because most people do not want this and even hate themselves more than you hate them. As for me my biggest goal in life is to remain chaste and sober. I hate that I have been so distant and even repulsed by my wife's touch. SHe doesn't understand but I truly pray she finds happiness and true self worth.

Nov 30, 2012
by: Sad in jersey

I often feel the same way that someone to talk to who has been through it would be priceless. To the lady who is thinking of leaving her husband. Feel free to email me at sodababe26@yahoo.com. I feel the same way.

Nov 29, 2012
second comment
by: Anonymous

Here I am back after a year and a half of trying. My husband seems to be doing everything right but I still can't forget nor trust him. I am constantly suspicious. I really think I am better off on my own. I love him but am not happy. So many comments are about them doing it again eventually so how can I possibly feel safe entrusting my heart to him, knowing full well that one day down the road, he will take it, rip it out of my chest and smash it to pieces again. So I have decided to leave him. I wish one of you lived close by so I would have someone to talk to. I have told no one. I'm so tired of this lie, I hate men now and will never trust another man as long as I live. If I was even 10 years younger, I would have some hope for the future, but at 57 and retiring soon from a very physically demanding job, with no money, a mortgage twice as big as what the house was worth when we bought it 10 years ago, I'm screwed. I worked for 36 years and all my money has gone to supporting my cheating husbands addiction. No wonder people become so bitter. Is there any good in any of them? I wish there was but I'm very doubtful.

Nov 26, 2012
A family ruined...my best friend gone
by: Shelly

I am also like so many of you devastated by my husband acts. I found out this past week that my husband had sex with a prostitute. I have been married for 11 years and we have been through the wringer. Two years ago I stuck by his side through a gambling addiction! I have tried the best I can to be supportive but this has broken my heart....
We have a five year old son together who needs his parents. Do these men not think about the families that they are coming home to in the end. I just do not know how I will ever be able to be intimate with him ever again. The thought of him being intimate with someone disgusts me!! The thought that he used my hard earned money to pay a whore for sex is incomprehensible. I do not know why I continue to stick out the pain and hurt. I am praying more than ever but I just do not know how someone can overcome this ultimate betrayal. MEN need to be real and open and honest and learn how to communicate with us. What do I do now??? I have never been so broken in my life....

Nov 23, 2012
8 years living a lie
by: the avenger

I knew early on - after moving in with him - that he had something 'wrong' with him sexually. He talked and acted in bed like he was in porn or like I was a prostitute.

He likes to call them 'professionals' or 'escorts,' but they are neither obviously; they are whores, prostitutes, hookers, etc. True escorts actually don't perform sexual favors; true professional companions don't either, and both true escorts and companions are professional and legal but whores, prostitutes and hookers are not legal obviously in most of the world for obvious reasons; it's pathetic behavior, low status, illegal and for people who are lazy, less-creative, less-intelligent, less assertive, etc. relative to having their needs/wants met.

I thought he had a porn addiction that was affecting our sex so I threw out the porn DVDs. In hindsight I see that was a mistake that was his fault for not telling me he had this whoring addiction since in his 20s. I am in a hotel right now on vacation with him; he is 58. I've wasted 8 years with this loser. I am leaving him. About 2 months ago I finally began snooping/spying and found out the truth of the extent of his compulsive/obsessive addiction. He is what is called a "hobbyist" checking the prostitute websites up to 6 times per day shopping through hundreds of whores.

I envy the women who have partners who want to change or who want to have open/honest relationships. I could even tolerate this - as sexually I am a very adventurous woman - if he could be open and honest and to some degree include me. I have a co-dependent thing going on combined with financial dependency which unfortunately drive me to be okay with open/honest high risk sexual lifestyle. I know I need to break away, and I will/am.

My father was/is a narcissist, so I tend to choose narcissists. I realized this connection only recently. I am currently reading a book titled The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists. According to my research, 25% of the male population are hobbyists. I wonder how many of that 25% are high on the narcissistic spectrum relative to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPDs tend to be high-achievers, feel entitled, have addiction, obsessive/compulsive, and since hobbyists have to be high achievers (since whoring costs a lot of money) there is possibly a correlation. I look forward to leaving this guy who is high on the narcissistic spectrum, and I look forward to finding/choosing a partner who is mentally healthier and not narcissistic like the guys I left in the past. Hindsight. I say I look forward to this but actually I am afraid due to my working as a cleaning woman through school at age 41. I could be an "escort" easily with the way I look but I won't join the bottom-feeders for obvious reasons.

I fully intend to publicly humiliate this guy even if I break some laws doing it.

Nov 16, 2012
beyond sad
by: Anonymous

I have not much to say because I just found out last night and I have not slept in 36 hours. He was the love of my life and he was seeing prostitutes and swingers during our dating period and the two years of marriage.

He tied me up with duct tape last night because he became angry when I questioned his honesty. I do this often because sometimes you just know. He was arrested but his computer was at home.

Expecting to find a woman or two, I decided to hack his email.

It would be nice to go back and not find the cache of names, ratings, favors, rules, pick up spots, and chronological order of what I now call his Hooker Ledger. None of this has really sunk in yet and I cannot even tell him I know because he is in jail.

The abuse is completely out of character for him. I feel like he is dead because the he I love never existed.

Nov 14, 2012
In the same position
by: SadBeyondBelief

My husband decided to tell me about two weeks ago that he has cheated on me our entire relationship--before and after marriage--with prostitutes. I am five months pregnant :( I have no idea what to do or how to handle this. Obviously, I am getting a divorce, but the devastation I feel is unspeakable. Does anyone have any suggestions :(

Nov 13, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I am in the same boat...I met my boyfriend and fell in love with him. This was someone that faked and duped me into believing that he was a really great guy and I saw myself giving up everything I have to sail around the world with him (literally.). And then...a little bit into the relationship I found out that he was texting other girls. I didn't realize what or who they were, and he kept chalking it up to being people he didn't care about. Two and a half years later, I fully unravel that he has been calling prostitutes on **ckpage, **maniplex and ++tyVibe. I haven't confronted him that I know exactly how he has found these hookers, I just imply that I know. It's a strange addiction on my behalf because I want to uncover these mysteries. I find out where he is staying or what motel he goes to with these girls and I sit outside in the parking lot, debating if I should call the police (because it's illegal in the state I live in). It's difficult, because I want to leave- I don't feel any love or compassion for him anymore, but then I'm afraid...i guess of being alone? I'm not sure...I know a lot of this is the co-dependency in my personality. I know that this relationship is abusive-emotionally and mentally. Writing this message helps, but I still wish I had someone that I can call to identify with me...I'm heartbroken and alone, and the only relief that I feel is when I'm around him. Help...

Nov 12, 2012
husband addicted to prostitutes
by: Anonymous

After 17 years I finally discovered that my husband
frequently and habitually sees prostitutes of all kinds. He has been very controlling and abusive to me and now I know why. I am devastated because I always trusted him. When he is at home is rational, but when he becomes the other man, the depraved and addicted one, he becomes irrational and totally irresponsible. I can't believe I dedicated 17 years to that man. I have left my country (in Europe), my family and my friends for him, I have given birth to 2 children with him and now my life is over.
I know he is sick, what he has it is like having a drug addiction, but I can't stand the lies and obscenities he had told me every time I confronted him. He abused me, took advantage of me in a very premeditated way. I hate him.

Nov 09, 2012
by: Anonymous

Married 27 years - together 30 years - my brother died in January - my husband got sick 2 weeks later - supported him through 10 months of illness - found out through checking phone records about his visits to body rub parlors and prostitutes during illness I guess the free time from work gave him available time for his addiction. Suffered through years of dealing with his calls to sex lines and porn on internet. Finally asked for separation but feeling humiliated, depressed, worthless. Really hard to not give up life - have 2 kids in university. Have stayed all these years to help them through university - finally ready to give up. Sorry not much support- trust me men like this do not stop. Started with the sex phone calls while I was pregnant with our son 22 years ago - it does not end - it just escalates from that to even worse things - I feel your pain I hope, unlike me, that you can move forward and find a life where you are happy

Nov 06, 2012
finding stuff
by: 19 years

I have been with my husband for 19 years. He threw me when i was pregnant. i have been nearly suffocated had my back nearly broken being thrown up against so many walls i lost count. my mother was abusive and we were raised in church. mum was a narcissist. when i met my husband he was violent 2 months after we met. due to coming from a home with mum like she was i couldnt see what was wrong. i kept going back as there was no other support. i am an educated woman but slowly i gave up work to raise the children as he worked long hours. recently i found out he had been looking up strip joints when he was working away. of course he denied all this. and always has wads of cash with him as he makes alot of money. and today i found out that he was looking up a local brothel. i kept going back because i thought he loved me. i have since been in councilling and have realised he is a true narcissist. he would always be very controlling and insecure with me. and would always say i have that lustful look in my eyes. i have realised now that he used me up. iwas there to raise kids and cook and clean. everytime i wanted to work he would say he would not help me with the kids. i had no family support the councillor said that i have been abused all my life. i thought this was love. through councilling ive realised its not. i pray to god to show my signs and a way. and each time i find things on his phone. i believe that god will help me get out.

Oct 29, 2012
sex addict
by: Anonymous

sex addicts never recover..esp the one seeing prostitutes.

sex is so easy when u go to prostitutes.

as about these men showering gifts on their wives/girlfriends isnt this is exactly what they do with the prostitutes??? give them cash?>>so how are gifts any different in a relationship where there is lying and cheating..with pros they use cash to buy sex and with wives they use gifts to get out of sex.

Oct 23, 2012
i am not alone
by: sad in jersey

I found this online looking for someone and one that knows how i feel. my boyfriend is the same way. I found out he has been talking to and seeing girls he meets on backpage. The whole 4 year we have been together. Even when I was carrying my son. I hate and love me. I truly feel your pain.

Oct 18, 2012
16 years of a healthy marriage
by: Anonymous

My husband came home last night and told me that he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Then he shared that over the last 4 years during business trips he has done this about 8-12 times. He has a very successful career, I have a successful business, we were in the process of selling our home to upgrade to the house of our dreams. Now i am numb. I feel hatred…and I am not a hateful person.

My husband was my best friend. He was the single person in my life that I felt confident would always be faithful, honest and just a seriously good person. His entire life he has been a "good person". Now I think…."who is he??" What do i tell my teenage daughter?? Why???

He says he loves me….how can you love someone when you sleep with a prositute? How can you love someone and potentially expose them to STD's and AIDS?? That is not love. I am heartbroken

Oct 01, 2012
23 yrs of marriage while my husband saw prostitutes.
by: Anonymous

My story is similar, only 23 years of marriage, a grown child , & I knew for the last 13 years of raising my child. I refused to ruin her life. I kept asking, pointing out things, & trying to get the truth from him. Ofcourse, he never told truth until I investigated & caught him, red handed. My response was severe. Right now he's scared **itless, but he too had been doing this most of his life. He had sex with me too, though not as frequent as normal. He's still hete, as we talk & seek counseling. I don't know if I will divorce, I'm still just devastated.

Sep 30, 2012
by: Anonymous

How I wish I never started seeing prostitutes.The guilt I have to to carry around.please ladies,pray for your husbands.

Sep 21, 2012
your in my prayers
by: jayne

i know how it feels....its worse than your husband cheating, lying cos its all that with a whole heap more and its not the kind of thing you tell your friends or family about because although there doing it you feel so utterly ashamed...like your not good enough ?????? it makes you feel ugly unattractive and as for sex well thats long gone when you receive this kind of treatment..in my book its the ultimate kick in the teeth..the ultimate put down for any wife or girlfriend...
What i have come to beleive is its not about the sex so much and the prostitutes..its about control..these guys or most i think are Masogynistic..in other words they hate women..alot of them dont know why and most would dispute it ...BUT...look at there past ??? alot of strong women let them down in some form or other,,,most would be there mother....alot of the time too its mothers of there children that walk away..therefore every woman or most ( apart from the ugly ones, and nuns lol ) are filthy bitches and whores and this seems to be there only method to gain complete control of a situation or person. We must most importantly look at ourselves and not these ***k whitts...we too are at fault because most of us are good lovely respectable women in control of our lives yet these arse wipes want to take that away and its jealousy and again lack of control so they try to destroy us.
Fight back with self love, self awareness and believe in god the only person, thing , it that will ever love you unconditionally. keep praying to whatever god you believe in and i assure you your life will begin to make sense and you will get strong...these men, these people pray on your goodness and your vulnerability.Allow god to guide you and all will be well...i cry alot too...but crying is good it releases our pain so keep crying my little turtle xxx

Sep 20, 2012
Don't feel alone
by: Anonymous

I was married for 11 years and together for 17 years with my former husband. He admitted that he was having sex with prostitutes. After dragging him to the doctor for testing and counseling, I did leave him. It was the hardest decision I ever made and I, too, felt humiliated and hurt. I will not tell anyone that it gets completely better. The best I can say is that it feels like I was given a ton of bricks to carry around. All that has happened over time is that I learned how to better carry the burden. My husband told me he loved me but "did not want to lie anymore and so he could not promise me he would never do it again." So, there really wasn't a decision to make. I am SO sick of people telling me what a nice guy he was and they can't understand what happened.... Please seek counseling as I did because without it I honestly do not know how I could stand up and go on. Good luck and know you are not alone.

Sep 07, 2012
19 year marriage, last 7 of which he saw the same stripper,
by: Anonymous

My husband came to me a year ago, and told me about his infidelities starting with porn from an early age and continuing after our marriage, and 7 years ago while going to a strip joint met up with a stripper whom he's been seeing regularly ever since. The last 2 years of which he was going to her home and paying for sex. During this time, the past 3 years, he was also seeing another woman at a message parlor and getting the all inclusive package! During our entire marriage, I was always the one to initiate sex until I gave up finally because I felt he wasn't into it. I knew he loved me but always felt something was wrong. Now I know what! My problem now is that in the last year he has shown me more affection than in our entire marriage and swears he is a changed man. He was the one to call for counseling etc. And has told his story to a psychologist, a marriage counselor and an addiction therapist. Do I believe him or do I think it is all too good to be true? From every thing I have read, he is not your typical sex addict. He says he knows why he was that way, and that he couldn't show or feel love and never talked to anyone about how he felt before now. Please, if someone could give me some advice, I may be ruining a truly good thing because of everything I have read on line.

Sep 07, 2012
by: Anonymous

I found out a year ago that my husband of 18 years is a sex addict and has been seeing a stripper for 7 years, the last 2 he's been going to her house for sex when I'm away at work, he pays her of course. also been seeing the same asian hooker at a message parlor for the last 3 years for sex. Those are the 2 regulars but there have been many more. I knew something was very wrong and insisted he tell me and to my surprise he did. He swears he's a changed man, called the same day to get help, he's been to a psychologist, addiction councelor and a marriage counselor. He acts like a changed person, he wants me sexually which I always thought he was more interested in food than sex and I almost believe we can have a wonderful relationship, except for the fact that I can"t get over it and am absolutely in turmoil. He says he wanted to stop and needed to tell me in order to get help and that he doesn't want that life and that he hated himself and now he is happy with himself. I just don't know how he can be cured so fast. Has anyone had a husband out there who actually wanted to change and did or am I a fool for even thinking it possible?

Sep 06, 2012
found out 3 weeks ago
by: Anonymous

I found out 3 weeks ago my partner of 5 years is addicted to prostitutes. He's a highly intelligent man but an emotional cripple with no friends. He has actually been in a romantic "relationship" with one for 6 months & continued to lie about this to me & his son after i found out. He believes the fantasy so this. A complete double life.Looks likes she's doing him for all he's got. So painful, just awful. Haven't see him since I left the day after I found all this out. It's so weird cos i can;t be open about it to many people, it's just to humiliating.

Aug 21, 2012
From a Cheater
by: Anonymous

I am a cheating, hooker visiting husband. I have a fairly miserable marriage. This doesn't excuse what I've been doing for the past 2 years. I've probably spent around $3000 on around 26 prostitutes. I always feel horrible afterwards and swear I'll never do it again. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts - I could never handle the devastation that I would cause my wife if I were ever caught.

That is why I promise to never see another hooker again. Ever. It's easier said/typed than done, but I'll revisit this board now and then to remind myself of the pain I would cause my wife, family, and untold others.

Jul 18, 2012
unbreakable habit
by: Anonymous

Men who have developed a habit of going to prostitutes NEVER change.

I have lived thru that.

When sex is just a phone call away and when the man can just walk away after they dont/cant give that up.

The frequency may reduce but it will happen again ..and again..and again.

Jul 17, 2012
Me too
by: Anonymous

My husband of 8 years has been cheating on me for a long time probably the entire time. I cought him because he got careless using his cell phone to call the escorts an I pay the bill really don't know why I looked but I did then I checked his computer he makes sure I can not see what he is looking at by the way the monitor is placed I found a secret email opened it up he forgot to log out of it an saw the sent messages to multiple escorts prostitutes in my opinion I confronted him and he admitted it he told me it was his problem no me an he loves me very much since then jan 2012 I just can't seem to trust him I am always thinking he is with one of these escorts when not with me I really don't know what to do my friends say make him go for help but I think he needs to make that decision I got tested and it was all ok I ,just don't know where to go from here can't really believe he loves me he always wants. To buy me stuff but I think it is all out of guilt my doctor wants me to go for counseling but I can't bring myself to do it yet when will the hurt end I feel so lost and alone and have no desire for anything anymore I think I am numb to all emotions any suggestions would be apprecialted

Jun 16, 2012
sixteen year addiction
by: Anonymous

I have just found out my now soon to be ex was seeing hookers. Every Sat he would go out twelve am to four am . Then Sunday he would get mad and call me whore fat ugly stupid slut all because I had a handful of guys. I worked and received an allowance. He was verbally abusive, and extremely controlling. A few times physically abusive seven times to be exact. He told me he could not sleep with me because I was disgusting. On the fourth he hit me with my baby in my arms because of two glasses and socks on the floor. I called the cops and my life is so much better he is gone. Then I found out what he had been up to his friend told me. There is an escort that serves his co workers as well as friends and he was caught a few times. I am sick the place where his friend told me I know he frequents and there has been signs. I feel like a fool I do not love him, but I feel sick.

Mar 15, 2012
Was this what happened to me?
by: Anonymous

I'd like to just say first my condolences to all the women on here. It's terrifying to think that this went on for so long with so many of you, as I have only been with someone for a year and I feel like my grip on reality has been completely compromised!

The thing is, I only suspect my (now ex) boyfriend has a prostitute addiction, and I was wondering if, for my own piece of mind, someone could give me their thoughts as an experienced victim?

Basically I ended it with him because a few too many things weren't adding up and I didn't feel I could trust him anymore. Since then though, I have spoken to a friend of his at some length and have been told that the lying goes further than I ever could have imagined:

1. he told me he had been with 48 women

2. he told me he'd never been in a relationship for more than 6 weeks (we are quite young, he's 25 and I'm 22)

3. he told me that when his dad left his mum, they had no money and as a result, he had to pay towards the house and bills from the age of ten. In order to do this he said he got involved with gangsters, going into great detail about the various situations he got himself in. He said that when he got to 21 he decided he wanted better for himself and left his old life behind to go to uni (hence why I never met any of these people). He used this as a reason for having been with so many women, blaming the class and type of women who chose to hang around with those kinds of people.

4. he told me that he had a sister who was a year older and was very close to him. He told me she got in an argument when she was 18 and that while defending his reputation, got her throat slit and died. While we were together he told me the guy who killed her was released from prison, and that he was getting hounded by old friends of hers demanding to know why he wasn't 'doing anything about it'. While we were together he would regularly 'go and visit her grave'

5. One of the times he was going to 'visit the grave', he was arrested for having a prostitute in his car. He claimed that he stopped at traffic lights, the prostitute mistakenly got in the car and before he knew it, the police were outside demanding he come with them. I wanted to go to the trial but he wouldn't let me, saying it was too humiliating to be accused of such a disgusting crime.

6. He has a female friend who I have never met, but who talks to him almost every day. He claimed that she was a bit unhinged and that he felt sorry for her. He also told me that while I was on holiday she claimed to be pregnant with his baby, saying they had sex when he was drunk. Apparently she later said that it wasn't his but that she was scared to go through an abortion alone, prompting her to tell the lie.

Throughout our relationship I was kept separate from his family because of their apparent 'difficulties' with the fact that he is muslim and I'm christian. He used his religion and culture to explain a lot off oddities.

Aug 11, 2011
My story of healing
by: Anonymous

I want to offer a counter-example. Four years ago, I found out that my husband had cheated on me with several prostitutes the first four years of our marriage, including both of my pregnancies (we have been married 8 years). I went through all of the feelings everyone here is expressing. I stayed because I was convinced that, as long as he continued to seek help and own up to what he did, etc, I would keep working on the marriage as well. In the past 4 years, he has worked with psychologists, psychiatrists, and sex addiction specialists. He has accepted 4 years of confused emotions on my part: anger and withdrawal then kindness and love then grief then happiness, etc. It isn't easy. But I have indeed seen him grow up and out of this addiction for a steady 3.5 years. I have seen him mature, become a more involved, careful, and respectful husband, father, and human being, etc. On my end, I have had to pull from the depths of my heart forgiveness and willingness. We recently separated for a few months because I felt I needed to make sure that if I really committed to staying, even after all these years now of stability and what one would otherwise consider a good marriage, that I had to make that choice knowing what it was like to be on my own and to co-parent our young sons. In truth, I was fine on my own. And so were my boys. I saw that there was no reason to stay out of fear of anyone falling apart. Ultimately, I chose the marriage for this reason: the man he is today is the caring, careful, attentive, and loving husband I would want to find elsewhere and he happens to be the actual father of my children and I can't deny that we can indeed have a peaceful home together. So I chose to focus on the present, which has been stable now for 3 or so years. But I have also come to realize that the confusion, pain, and even the feeling that this person is someone who, at least at some point and for a while, just a gross disaster, doesn't go away. And that is hard to accept and it is constant work to say "but that's not where he is/we are today, nor where we have been for years now." I will say that this experience has made him a better man, I think, than most out there because in his willingness to do anything, learn anything, change anything to help himself and keep his family, he has fixed far more than his sex addiction. I hope I'm not sounding to pollyanna because I don't mean to imply that all's well that ends well. There is a brokenness and pain that is permanent. But, this IS something that a marriage can survive, and even grow because of, and not out of fear or pressure to be the good wife or lack of options, but because of a very serious and genuine willingness to work extremely hard for a very long time by both people in the marriage.

Jun 11, 2011
feels like this is a dream and can't wait to wake up
by: Anonymous

I found out about my husband's prostitution addiction two days ago. We have been married for 8 years. All these years he has been a very nice man, very generous and kind. But also very distant. He always bought me nice gifts on our anniversaries, gave me compliments and always treated me like a princess. He always said i was beautiful, yet never touch me or show any desire. He worked a lot so I figured he was tired all the time. I always praised him for working so hard. Two days ago, I found a credit card under his car seat mat. When I checked the activity on card, I saw hotel stays and cash withdraws. I confronted him and eventually he admitted to taking vacations without me because he wanted to get away from work and relax. Its only after I checked out phone bill and found out by calling one of these numbers that he was seeing a prostitute on regular basis.
I am still in shock and denial. i have been crying non stop for two days. I feel so stupid and ugly and non worthy. I saw the pictures of the prostitute he's been seeing. she's beautiful with tiny waist and big breasts. How can i compete with that? he said our life in bedroom was boring. I know that I am not an exciting woman. I don't know how to change.
now that i look back, i realize why he was always withdrawn from me. We never talked, he never laughed at my jokes, never noticed me when i dressed up nice. He was only showering me with gifts because maybe he felt guilty for what he was doing and this was his way to feel better.
i walked out when i found out about all this. He's been calling me telling me that he will change. He saw a psychologist yesterday. I don't know if this addiction is curable, if he really wants to change. I don't know what to believe anymore. I am a very God fearing religious person. Now I am losing my faith. Why does God want to see me unhappy? What did I every do to deserve this. Where should I go from here? He says he still loves me. How could that be? If he loved me he would have considered my feelings before jumping into another women's arms. Could he still love me? Is he just sick and needs help? Is this curable? would we ever be a happy family again?

May 08, 2011
Narcissist victim
by: Indu


I believe I was married to a narcissist.

Two months back I found out about his prostitute addiction. It has been present for the whole duration of my marriage of 16 years, and my three pregnancies during that time. More recently I found out that it was present even before I married him.

He successfully hid it all from me.

I'm devastated and going through the grieving process.

Apr 01, 2011
this sounds so much like me
by: christina

Hi. I am suffering almost exactly the same thing. A marriage of almost 12 years destroyed by my husbands prostitute addiction. We have two sons who are 8 and 9, so sadly, i have to deal with this monster forever. I also had no financial control and was in the dark. God protected me too, and for that I dm so thankful.

Feb 27, 2011
by: Anonymous

I too am grieving my 14 years of marriage with a narcissist, addicted to porn and male and female prostitutes still after 4 years. I did have 2 children with him that have been damaged by his sociopath behaviors. He enjoys seeing people suffer. He even joined S/M groups. I am so tired of people telling me to accept the responsibility I had in the demise of my marriage. We are not dealing with an ordinary divorce where 2 people decide they are not compatible. I have lost girlfriends over this who lose patience with me and expect me to get on with my life. Few people understand the betrayal of this. Be good to yourself. It is okay to mourn and be angry for as long as it takes. There is no expiration date on grief.

Aug 17, 2010
sex addiction
by: Anonymous

I was married to a sex addict for almost 30 years. RUN CHILD AND NEVER LOOK BACK. I finally left him and was blessed with a man that loves and RESPECTS me. We have been happy together for over 10 years now. It will get better, just do not blame yourself for anything. Maybe someday the world will learn how bad porn and sex perversions can hurt a relationship.

Aug 16, 2010
by: Anonymous

You are right to cry.
Let it keep coming out.
You did waste your 20's, but you are still young enough to find someone who deserves a woman as special as you.
Go to counseling and learn the red flags for the narcissists of the world.
I am 58 and my ex walked out after 30 years for a 23 year old - we also had a daughter the same age.
No, they did not know each other.
I found out he had been a sex addict before we met and hid it all those years, wow, what I found in the closets he had hidden all those years and we had dragged all over the country with our moves - unbelievable.
My daughters have had lots of counseling so they do not repeat my story and my oldest daughter (who is now 31) had dated nothing but narcissists
she was attracted to them because of her father.
After 8 years I think she finally has it figured out - maybe.
But you married one and will catch on quick, once you really get in to it you will realize there were things that didn't make sense at the time, but maybe do now.
I would give anything to have found out when I was your age - not only do I feel like I wasted my entire life on him - I have wasted my entire life on him.
Which is why I am on this site - still trying to recover.
Hold this in your heart - you will meet a good guy, who is committed, has values, who is a real man and doesn't sneak around, who has the courage to do the right thing and that is the man you will choose to be the father of your child or children.
You have been saved from having this man be the father of your precious children, so please revel in that.
You can do this, you can heal and know you dodged a bullet with this guy - even though you are in the emotional ICU now - be patient and good to yourself.

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