13 Years Later...

by Novi
(Canada)

I was seventeen when I stopped praying. I became very angry when my father chose to take his own life, and faith seemed so fruitless. The pain of finding him lifeless in the middle of the night still haunts my thoughts ... It was the longest night I have ever experienced in my life. Even after so many years, sometimes everything still appears as dark as they were that tragic night on January 24th. I don't think it ever really came to an end.

As the years passed my anger subsided and only the pain of loss still remains. I hope my dad knows I forgive him and love him so much. That has not and will not ever change. There isn't a single day that goes by where I don't think of him.

I am now thirty and terrified. Four days ago I felt the worst emotional pain I have ever felt before. My mother was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. It appears to have metastasized to her lungs and the prognosis is not very good. I'm not ready to lose another parent yet! Only in the past few years have I finally come to terms with my father's passing. I'm finding it extremely difficult to stay positive right now...at a time where it is most critical.

I wish I could pray for her but I'm not sure that I remember how.