13 years old and with a dead mum and out the picture dad

by Lauryn
(Wales)

I was born on July 8th 1999. My mum died just 1 week before my first birthday. On the 3 days before my 1st birthday my grandparents went to court to get custody of me. Unfortunately my dad did not turn up as he was busy getting high on cocaine and heroin. He turned up on my 1st birthday with a cake and a present which was going to be from him and my mum. I didn't see him for 2 years after that. At the age of almost 3 years he requested to see me but my grandparents said no as they had recently found out about his drug addiction. He then gave up. At the age of 5 we arranged for me to meet him it was the first time in two years that he bothered to turn. up to any of these meetings high or at all. We haven't heard from him since apart from a card on my 8th birthday. I recently turned 13 and nothing was sent. I sat there for 4 days after my birthday hoping for a card. Half of me thinks he was busy half of me thinks he just couldn't give a ****. My grandparents showed me a postcard 2 years ago from him from 7 years ago which they never showed to me. All I know about him is that he had a way with words which still make me cry whenever I read that postcard. Unfortunately he is another dad who is a lot nicer on paper than in real life. I went to visit my mums grave the other day. I was hoping he would show up but he has probably forgotten by now who my mum even was.

Comments for 13 years old and with a dead mum and out the picture dad

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Jul 15, 2012
13 years old and with a dead mum and out of the picture dad.
by: Doreen U.K.

Lauryn I am so sorry for your loss of a father figure in your young life. You are a very mature young lady. Your grandparents have done an amazing job raising you to the articulate person you are today. I am sorry for the loss of your mum before you were born, and for the mum you didn't know. You of course will have learnt some of your family history from your grandparents. Try and not judge your father for how he is behaving. He may have not been able to cope when your mother died and then took drugs. He is still responsible for the outcome. It is still a very irresponsible act for an adult to do.
Only you will know the truth of this from your grandparents. The drugs will have altered your father's personality and also his behaviour. This may be why he is not in relationship with you. You need to keep a journal and write in this every day about your feelings and about the absence of your father from your life and how this has made you feel and affected your life. Your father just may pop into your life one day and you will be able to fill him in about what your life has been like and how he has made you feel by not being in your life. You will also be able to see how you have moved forward and coped with life through the good care of your grandparents. you can be successfull in life. Don't let the absence of a mother and father in your life hold you back but actually spur you on to become the person you were meant to be. I hope you will be successful in life and happy. I wish for you better days ahead from your grief and loss of what could have been if life had dealt you a better outcome. Best wishes

Jul 15, 2012
13 yrs old
by: Anonymous

My dear young fellow
Life is full of difficulties, some harder than others, but one thing I encourage you to think, THERE IS A PURPOSE FOR EVERYTHING, at times tough moments make us stronger and able to find a reason to move forward in life and be of encouragement to others. I see that you are only 13 and seeking answers, That is so brave and commendable! the wise seek counsel" therefore you are a wise kid that will turn his current difficulties in valuable endeavors. I wish I had a magic wand that could take the pain of loosing your mother, but I can not, all I tell you, be patient do well, study hard, keep yourself busy. Overall honor your mother's memory and do all the right things that will take you to great places in life. We can not erase the past but we can make today a better day and know that time and faith heals all wounds. I pray that you overcome this difficult path and continue to be a very special young man and become a successful one.

Jul 15, 2012
One day your father understand what he has missed and he will be sorry
by: Nancy

I am glad that your grandparents were willing to take the responsibility of raising you and it sounds like they are doing a great job. I am sorry to hear that your father is trapped in the disease of addiction. I would hope that someday soon he will awaken to the possibility of losing what he has not yet had a beautiful relationship with you. It is never to late to start. I do not know if you have been able to start writing to him in the form of a journal just letting him know on a daily basis what he is missing, special days at school, your birthdays, crushes you've had, surgeries, anything that you would have shared with him had he been in your life - so that on that day when he tries to come back you have something you can pull out and share with him. Take pictures, of grandma and you backing, cooking or you and grandpa, doing whatever you do with him. Create special moments - for yourself and your grandparents and then if your father shows up - you can if you want to show them to him. You are 13 with so much more life to explore so engage it...focus on your friends but be open to the day that your dad may want to come back even for a short time....but never let him replace your grandparents who have been there from day 1. Praying for you Nancy



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