15 March 2013, the darkest day of my life

by Victoria

I lost my father 38 days ago to a sudden death! I never knew such pain exist.He was only 64 ,a University professor leading an active life. Everyone loved him ,it was enough for people to meet him once and get impressed by his knowledge,pure heart ,kindness ,humor and many many other beautiful qualities.For me,I always saw him as a heart with legs and hands. Genuine people like him are rare these days.
Im a lonely child,he was everything for me: my mother,brother,sister and my best friend and teacher. He was my precious .
Im totally broken, my heart is bleeding ,the pain i feel is growing more and more each day.I'm 34 ,recently married , but i feel total emptiness. Now despite of being independent,i feel like a little girl who doesn't want anything from this world except her daddy. I cant imagine going on through this life without him by my side,it is no longer the same world i know. It is a world without my precious, i feel that nothing makes sense ,I am scared from tomorrow,from all coming days, i am scared from the all coming days ,fighting threw life baring this pain each day. I wake up in the morning with tears,thinking " oh God, i have to bare one more day again ,cant it just turn to be a bad dream?"
I'm going to his grave everyday, screaming with a hope to hear his reply. I cant believe he is gone, and that I will not see him again. I wear his clothes, smell them ,imagining him everywhere. This pain is killing me slowly.
I have mom, uncles, lots of relatives, yet the world is empty.
Thank you for reading my story and sharing yours with me. I need someone to hear and understand. Since people around me don't understand why i'm so depressed with tears in my eyes all the day long. Thank you.

Comments for 15 March 2013, the darkest day of my life

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Aug 06, 2014
I understand
by: Louise

Your post the most Victoria.You sound like me, or me like you. I lost my wonderful dad 2 and a half weeks ago. Im only a couple of years older than you and have described how I feel like you did..A woman that feels like a child just wanting her dad. I cannot come to terms with it. My dad was 63 and 18 months off retirement. I'm angry he doesn't get to know retirement and I'm angry I can't look after him and be there for him in those years as he did for me all my life. I'm just very very sad that this amazing man has left my life. He was fine, then on the 18th July 2014, the worst day of my life, he was gone. As quick as that. A heart attack. My precious dad just gone and I never get to see him again. You expect it when you get older and they become old men, or at least that's what you hope when you're young. I just feel angry, sad and I think in denial. We all know how each other feels but I know it doesnt help, not really. Louise

May 31, 2013
i know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain my nightmare was March 28th , the worst.day of my life. I cry everyday, go to his grave and constantly ask God "why". This is a nightmare I wish I can get out of. You said your married with.children and yet it didn't matter. Me to, I am also a daddys girl. How does anyone move on with the sudden loss?

Apr 23, 2013
Thank you BJ
by: Victoria

Thank you BJ , you are right, void and hole inside is the exact feeling,so painful. Hopefully we will adapt to our new world.that's what i pray for. But life without our fathers will never ever be the same anymore.we just have to learn how to move on with this bleeding wound.

Apr 22, 2013
Thank you Doreen
by: Victoria

Thank you dear Doreen for understanding and help.may God give us all strength to coop with our pain

Apr 22, 2013
To Doreen
by: Victoria

Thank you Doreen ,God give us all strength to pass through this. I'm so so sorry for your loss ,hope we find piece one day

Apr 22, 2013
So sorry
by: BJ

I share your pain as my sweet father was taken from me suddenly in January. I am an only child, and saw my parents every single day. I had just seen him on Sunday, everything was fine, and he collaped on Monday morning from cardiac arrest. No warning, no pain, he never came back. I can only say that I am thankful he did not suffer, but the suddeness makes the grieving harder for those left behind. He and my mother had known each other for close to 50 years. He meant everything to me. I am a 47 year old woman with a wonderful husband and two beautiful children, but my life has been changed forever. There is a huge hole in my heart and a void in my life. I will never be the same, and I will never get over the loss. I will say to you that while it never gets better, it does seem to get easier. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to take a day and do "nothing" if that is what you need. I wish you comfort and peace.

Apr 22, 2013
Reply to Leticia
by: Victoria

Thank you Leticia for your support,sharing and understanding

Apr 22, 2013
15 March 2013, the darkest day of my life
by: Doreen U.K.

Victoria I am so sorry for your loss of your precious father from your life. A man who was your nurturer and provider throughout your life and now gone so quickly that you feel so lost and lonely. You evidently had a very strong bond with your father that hurts more losing him. As a result your grief will be harder and cannot be compared to your siblings and how they are coping. No 2 grief's within a family are ever the same. Don't let anyone compare their grief with yours and expect you to get over it quickly. You won't. The feelings you have are so very painful and what we all know and feel when we have lost someone close so we know how you feel. But saying this we all bear our own grief and so our journey may make us feel as if we are all alone. It feels worse when one has had a happy childhood and relationship with the loved one who has died. Your whole world will have altered and life in Your world now will feel strange and surreal. You may move between disbelief and numbness. It is the worst experience of one's life to lose a close loved one who will never be around you, share a meal, talk together and just enjoy being in their company. To never see that person again almost feels so very cruel. To try to cope with the emotions of such a loss is so very hard and complex. Days you will be O.K. and days it all gets too much. You are fortunate to have a loving supportive family. But they will be grieving in their own way to be of support to you. Just try as best as you can to be there for each other and respect how the other feels and without being judgemental embrace and love each other. This will get you all through. Life of course will never be the same again for any of us who has lost a loved one. I had the loving support of sister's and brother-in-laws so was able to cope with losing my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 11 months ago. It is a long and hard road of grief and sorrow till we find Healing from our loss.

Apr 21, 2013
The darkest day of my life
by: Leicia

Darkest day, I feel your pain. I went through that with my dad. I was happy again and just talking about how lucky we were when he was here, and a jokest. Now on Sept 14 I loo my to a heart attack. oldest chiidren misses there dad.o and killed him insteadly . I just wanted to die. He was a single guy and was able to hold his on and a humble person and talent will painting or drawing. he's children that range from 6-12 years old. He always gave his children lots of love and they were one happy family. Just like you said, once the furnal over no one really care. They loved my son. He had 300 people at his service that we had to rent a hall. We will never forget them.there now watching over it on your mind , that. I still cry a lot and is been like a roller coast!! I will pray for you to have the strength to continue through all this heart breaking heart. He was my oldest of three. I am so sorry for you. My The Lord heal ease it. If you need to vent or cry you could always have some in in comment. We both love them. Leticia

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