15 March 2013, the darkest day of my life
I lost my father 38 days ago to a sudden death! I never knew such pain exist.He was only 64 ,a University professor leading an active life. Everyone loved him ,it was enough for people to meet him once and get impressed by his knowledge,pure heart ,kindness ,humor and many many other beautiful qualities.For me,I always saw him as a heart with legs and hands. Genuine people like him are rare these days.
Im a lonely child,he was everything for me: my mother,brother,sister and my best friend and teacher. He was my precious .
Im totally broken, my heart is bleeding ,the pain i feel is growing more and more each day.I'm 34 ,recently married , but i feel total emptiness. Now despite of being independent,i feel like a little girl who doesn't want anything from this world except her daddy. I cant imagine going on through this life without him by my side,it is no longer the same world i know. It is a world without my precious, i feel that nothing makes sense ,I am scared from tomorrow,from all coming days, i am scared from the all coming days ,fighting threw life baring this pain each day. I wake up in the morning with tears,thinking " oh God, i have to bare one more day again ,cant it just turn to be a bad dream?"
I'm going to his grave everyday, screaming with a hope to hear his reply. I cant believe he is gone, and that I will not see him again. I wear his clothes, smell them ,imagining him everywhere. This pain is killing me slowly.
I have mom, uncles, lots of relatives, yet the world is empty.
Thank you for reading my story and sharing yours with me. I need someone to hear and understand. Since people around me don't understand why i'm so depressed with tears in my eyes all the day long. Thank you.