17 months on
it is 17 months since my beautiful son was taken from me so tragically, he loved life, he lived life, he didnt want to die, he wanted to live and then bang in an instant he was gone, the phone call that changed my life for ever. I am so so sad, my heart is heavy constantly, and I have no interest in anything around me except my daughter, she is who keeps me on this earth. She lost her brother she feels it too but is just an amazing girl. I dont want to meet new people anymore, the first thing they ask is if you have children. My husband (not my sons father - he died some years ago) was not kind to my son and I cant forgive him, I know I need to move on but I am struggling. He wants me to go on anti depressants but I feel this will just postpone the process (which is also my doctors advice) To the outside world I am ok, I get up, go to work, go out, appear to get on with my life but I miss him so so much. My heart is just so heavy, will I ever feel lighthearted again, will I ever laugh again? Every day I relive every tiny detail of that fateful day, nothing makes sense, he was driven off the road but there was not enough evidence to prosecute the other driver and he still has his life. It is just so unfair. I keep telling myself that my son is ok, that he wants me to live my life, that we will meet again one day and I deserve to be happy, but how can I lift my heart again without my only son?