17 months on

it is 17 months since my beautiful son was taken from me so tragically, he loved life, he lived life, he didnt want to die, he wanted to live and then bang in an instant he was gone, the phone call that changed my life for ever. I am so so sad, my heart is heavy constantly, and I have no interest in anything around me except my daughter, she is who keeps me on this earth. She lost her brother she feels it too but is just an amazing girl. I dont want to meet new people anymore, the first thing they ask is if you have children. My husband (not my sons father - he died some years ago) was not kind to my son and I cant forgive him, I know I need to move on but I am struggling. He wants me to go on anti depressants but I feel this will just postpone the process (which is also my doctors advice) To the outside world I am ok, I get up, go to work, go out, appear to get on with my life but I miss him so so much. My heart is just so heavy, will I ever feel lighthearted again, will I ever laugh again? Every day I relive every tiny detail of that fateful day, nothing makes sense, he was driven off the road but there was not enough evidence to prosecute the other driver and he still has his life. It is just so unfair. I keep telling myself that my son is ok, that he wants me to live my life, that we will meet again one day and I deserve to be happy, but how can I lift my heart again without my only son?

Comments for 17 months on

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Jun 08, 2013
Our loves
by: Kate

I agree with everything on this page,only we know the horrid path. I love all of you in your suffering. I am with you. We are enduring in pain and still breathing.

Apr 05, 2013
Carol Sean's Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Carol I am sorry for your loss of your beloved boy Sean at 24yrs. Such a young age to die that almost seems so very unfair. But life is not fair. We don't know what to expect from day to day. PRAY OVER YOUR CHILDREN EVERY DAY FOR PROTECTION FROM GOD.
What you are going through is normal grief. You just don't feel like socialising. You will want to isolate yourself from people and social occasions. You will cry and feel miserable for some time. You won't always stay this way. It will take TIME. But you will laugh again. You will live again. You will do all the things you used to do. You will just do this in a different way. Through the loss of a son.
This awful pain of grief will get less in time, and you will start to feel hopeful. You will have the scars forever but not the pain that is so unbearable now. Best wishes

Apr 04, 2013
17 months on.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your son to a sudden death by a tragic road traffic accident.
It is very difficult to go in life when you have lost a child/adult child. It makes life feel as if it over and How can we go on in life?
You may not have grieved for your husband dying and with all the hurt he caused his step son you perhaps did not resolve your anger around this so now your son has died this has triggered off this anger again which you can't forgive.
I found the only way for me to move on was at the age of 40 I went into counselling with a very good therapist and I grieved all my losses. I came out a NEW PERSON. I hadn't known happiness in life till age 40yrs. Then my life evolved. I got my life back and more. I was able to interact better with my husband and 3 children and they benefited from this.
I know it feels at the moment that you will never be happy again. You will never smile. You are locked into a very painful world. I thought I had to forgive in order to move forward and I found this hard to do. FORGIVENESS was my biggest battle. I was forcing myself to do this. I learnt that you can't force forgiveness. I didn't know who I had to forgive for what? I found out later that most everything evaporated in counselling and forgiveness did not become an issue. It is even possible to resolve your anger related to your husband and son in counselling. You then will be able to move forward in life. You will heal quicker. But you will have the scars forever, but without that awful pain of grief. I know it HURTS SO VERY MUCH. I visited my husband's grave today. I saw the written work on the gravestone for the first time and 8 lines of verse I put there for him. My heart hurt. I cried. I feel sad. But I will survive till we meet again.
I applaud you for going to work and making the strong effort to move forward. But don't try too hard. Let things fall into place as they will. I know what you mean. I try to show my family and neighbours I am O.K. That is what they want to see. Buy you and I know what it really feels like to have to pretend. Don't pretend. Be yourself. Express how you feel. Ignore those who can't take it. Ignore negative advice. You will survive. Days will get better. You will get your life back. And you will see your son again.

Apr 04, 2013
I understand
by: Carol, Seans Mom

My son will be gone 17 months on April 15th. His birthday is coming up on April6th. Sean was just 24 when he died while sleeping because of a blood clot. He was fine that morning hanging out with his 15 year old sister and then later that night he needed to work an overnight shift and never woke up. My nightmare began. I think we will carry a heavy heart for the rest of our lives. Sean was my only son and the oldest of three children. My older daughter was 22 when he died and finishing her last year in college. He has now missed her graduation and will miss his younger sister high school graduation. Who would of thought this? My life is so different. I can't socialize, I just want to be alone. It is sad. I was once a positive outgoing mom who loved my life and now this.. I know how you feel but wish I didn't . Thank goodness for our girls. I wish you nothing but peace... You deserve that...

Apr 03, 2013
still grieving
by: Anonymous

You have no choice but to go on. You will laugh but still be dying on the inside because no one knows our pain except those who have lost a child. My son died a year and a half ago and the pain is still as deep as it was the day he died. Nothing you do can get rid of that pain. I am in therapy but it only helps a little. Just know there are to many of us feeling this pain and it just isn't fair.

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