17 months today

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17 months today

by jules
(Boonah, Qld. Aust)

Today it is 17 months since my sweet love John died. I have come to accept it, I know he is not coming back, I am living my life the best way I can, but I am so lonely a lot of the time. I don't know if I can live my life on my own for however long it lasts - I am 63 now -

I know the reason I am feeling lonely is the timing - always around this time of the month - so I know I will get over this.

In the meantime, every day - one step, one breath
take care all
jules

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17 months today

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17 months today
by: jules

Oh, my friends on this site - thank you for your lovely words and thoughts - I know I can count on you to understand how I am feeling, that this is the one place we can voice those feelings - because we all have them - we can't control them.

Take care all of you, and every day - one step, one breath
jules

17 months and holding
by: Judy

Jules, I am just a little bit behind you timewise. The loneliness is just the most awful thing that I have ever encountered. I can't remember being this lonely as a divorced single mother, or during the time between my deciding that another man would be okay and the time Barry came into my life. Somehow this loss is harder, deeper, stronger. Like you I am 63 and don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I am afraid-of rejection, of grabbing the first guy who comes along and looks at me with interest,of ending up with someone who doesn't love me for who I am, who doesn't think my middle age tummy is cute etc etc. I hate this! I think HH's advice about loving yourself first is right, and I think I love myself. I guess I'm afraid no one else can love me like Barry did and that's what i want. Oh god the pity party is starting again.

JM

17 months today
by: M Mack

Jules,

I know you feel better except for the loneliness. I hope the feeling of loneliness subsides and surprises you with a day filled with happiness. It's so hard to go forward alone when you've had many years together.

There are many people out there looking for a companion. I for one have had many offers from male friends of OURS to go out for dinner, a drink or coffee. Instead of looking at it as a nice gesture, I loath them as though they are trying to step in where they don't belong, stealing what's not theirs.

The problem is not that we don't have anyone to keep company, we don't want anyone. Your age has nothing to do with this. Maybe an open mind, a companion isn't a bad idea.....when you're ready and if you let it.

Take care of you first, then see where it takes you. My hopes for better days to you Jules as time passes. Hugs and best wishes from the USA.

Me too in a few weeks...
by:

Jules,

You have always been an inspiration to me in the long road of grief. You and many strong people on this site have taken the cards we have been dealt and played them well. I think that the loneliness is the last to hold on in our battle.

Will we some day be happy within? so that loneliness will leave our side as our constant companion?

I do not know. I do know that day by day we build a life for ourselves so very different than the one we were forced to leave behind. The ache for what was will always be there though.

I hope that one day our loss will turn into a warm memory and we will be so very glad that we were able to be love and be loved so very deeply.
Not to feel cheated but glad that we found that once in a lifetime love that few ever have.

Keep on keeping on not only would John have wanted it but you so deserve every moment of joy that you can gather in this life. There is so much more for us to behold, and gasp in awe.
We just need to be able to see through the thick curtains of grief that have clouded our minds for so long.

Thinking of you, hoping that you find a little miracle in your day. Keep your eyes open it is there. A little gift of life.
HH

We Miss Them
by: TrishJ

Jules~
It's almost 5 months for me. I attend a weekly grief meeting. One of the ladies last week said, "I've come to terms with my husband's death...I've accepted it as God's will...I know he is at peace and isn't suffering anymore...but

As she talked I nodded my head with everything she said. When she got to the but....part we both at the exact moment said, "But I miss him."

That's right. We all miss them. We want our old lives back and it's so hard to move ahead without them. We are both too young to be widows. The thought of all those years stretching ahead without our love is overwhelming.

We will endure~
One breath, one step at a time

Peace and Love.

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17 months today

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17 months today