17 Years Ago

by Meghan
(Henderson, NV)

I am still grieving over the loss of my mom 17 years ago (right now I am 20) I kept thinking that I would finally be able to accept it but I haven't. I started reading this article and saw that I am probably going through complicated grief.

My mom right now lost her mother, my grandmother; has been able to accept it in less than a month, my memorizing this: "Even if you can make acceptance for 10 seconds she is gone, accept it. It creates a space to allow her spirit to come into you but if you keep resisting the idea they are gone, then you are not allowing to feel the spirit. The gift of her spirit is what gets us through."

Hopefully that will help someone out there, but it hasn't helped me. I don't know if it's worse because I have no memory of her, but she was only in her thirties when she was taken.

I didn't even get to spend any time with her. I wasn't able to laugh with her or shop with her or let her meet my first boyfriend or even have our first argument. She missed a lot of my firsts and will never be able to experience them.

I just don't understand why she was taken away from me and my two other brothers (who were four and ten at the time) because of cancer. What made her so special to just take her away? I wake up every day thanking God for my wonderful mother and father who are with me now, but I also curse him for stealing away my happiness.

I know part of me died when she did and sadly, there is no gaining that back. I figured five years, ten years, even fifteen years was enough to accept her passing, but seventeen years later I am still in the same position I was before. It is not fair... it's just not fair...

Comments for 17 Years Ago

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Nov 30, 2009
TO MEGHAN IN NV LOST MOM
by: ANN

MY DEAR MEGHAN, I WANT TO HELP YOU IF IN SOME SMALL WAY I CAN. YOU HAD ABOUT THREE YEARS WITH YOUR MOM AND THAT WASN'T ENOUGH. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. I HAD MY MOM FOR 66 YEARS, AND IT WASN'T ENOUGH. SHE PASSED IN JULY, 2009. WE ARE A PART OF OUR MOTHERS, AND THAT MAKES THEM SPECIAL.

WE DON'T ALWAYS UNDERSTAND THE WAYS OF GOD. HIS PLANS ARE NOT OUR PLANS. MY MOM PASSED AWAY JUST DAYS AFTER WE FOUND OUT SHE HAD CANCER.

THAT ''D'' WORD IS SO HARD TO THINK OR SAY. YOU WERE JUST A LITTLE CHILD, NOT OLD ENOUGH TO COPE WITH LIFE. I'M SURE YOU HAVE MEMORIES TUCKED AWAY IN YOUR HEART OF YOUR MOM. NOT ALOT, BECAUSE YOU WERE SO YOUNG. ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY IF YOU WANT TO. LET YOURSELF TRY AND REMEMBER HER, IF YOU CAN. PLEASE TRY NOT TO BE ANGRY AT GOD. HE HAD HIS REASONS FOR TAKING HER. HE IS ALSO ABLE TO HEAL YOUR PAIN AND WALK WITH YOU, GIVING YOU THE STRENGTH YOU SO NEED RIGHT NOW.

WHETHER SOMEONE LEAVES US IN A YEAR OR EIGHTY YEARS, WE NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME WITH THEM. AS I SAID, I HAD MY MOM FOR 66 YEARS. THAT'S HOW OLD I AM. SHE WAS 87. BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME.

YOU HAVE TO MOURN AND DEAL WITH A PAIN BEFORE YOU CAN HEAL. I THINK PERHAPS YOU WERE SO YOUNG, YOU DIDN'T GRIEVE WHEN YOU LOST HER. BUT YOU NEED TO DO SO NOW. EVER HOW YOU CAN. THERE ARE NO RULES . DO IT YOUR WAY. AND I HOPE YOU CAN START TO MOVE ON. BLESS YOUR HEART. YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS.

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