17 Years Ago
I am still grieving over the loss of my mom 17 years ago (right now I am 20) I kept thinking that I would finally be able to accept it but I haven't. I started reading this article and saw that I am probably going through complicated grief.
My mom right now lost her mother, my grandmother; has been able to accept it in less than a month, my memorizing this: "Even if you can make acceptance for 10 seconds she is gone, accept it. It creates a space to allow her spirit to come into you but if you keep resisting the idea they are gone, then you are not allowing to feel the spirit. The gift of her spirit is what gets us through."
Hopefully that will help someone out there, but it hasn't helped me. I don't know if it's worse because I have no memory of her, but she was only in her thirties when she was taken.
I didn't even get to spend any time with her. I wasn't able to laugh with her or shop with her or let her meet my first boyfriend or even have our first argument. She missed a lot of my firsts and will never be able to experience them.
I just don't understand why she was taken away from me and my two other brothers (who were four and ten at the time) because of cancer. What made her so special to just take her away? I wake up every day thanking God for my wonderful mother and father who are with me now, but I also curse him for stealing away my happiness.
I know part of me died when she did and sadly, there is no gaining that back. I figured five years, ten years, even fifteen years was enough to accept her passing, but seventeen years later I am still in the same position I was before. It is not fair... it's just not fair...