18 years 2 months 16 days
My handsome man
Click on each photo to enlarge.
That's how long my domestic partner and I were in a committed relationship. He died in his sleep January 2, 2011. So it's almost 3 months. We were best friends for about 4 years before we committed and we met and became friendly in 1981. We live in LA He was my everything. I thought we had so much more time because we loved each other more each day. My grief is starting to hit me physically. Vertigo, muscle spasms, neuropathy, dizziness. My right leg from my knee to my shin is riddled with scrapes, scratches and scars from falling over. I cry myself to sleep (when I can sleep) with Dante', my Dalmatian in my arms. At times I'm afraid to leave the house. I don't care about anything. I used to love watching tv and we had our favorite programs. But now I lost interest in my favorite shows. I can't eat. I've lost 24 lbs. since Craig passed. All my friends, except for Alan and my family, have stopped calling. It's only new people I met since that day keep in touch. I met a model/actor who lost his companion in Dec.2010. We had coffee in West Hollywood and shared our story for an hour and a half. I find talking about it is a positive way of releasing the grief. Talking to Craig in my journal also helps greatly. That's what my mind says. But my heart is selfish. I want him here!! Why did he leave me? I just want to die so I can have him back. Not only am I dealing with this unbearable grief I also have been dealing with HIV for 18 years. I was diagnosed one week after we committed. Craig's friends told him he should just walk away and avoid the pain. Two weeks later I was hospitalized and the 5 doctors on my case told Craig To "pick me up in a box tomorrow" because I wasn't going to make it thru the night. Craig said no to his friends and doctors and said I was going to live. That night he told God "You can't have this one. He's mine and I won't allow you to take him." Well, his commitment, loyalty and devotion saved my life. I just wish I could saved his.