18 yr relationship ended 3.5 yrs ago. Still occasionally have days of crying.

by Dawn
(Kentucky)

I'm Dawn. I was in a relationship with my husband for 18 years. We have been separated for 3.5 years and recently divorced. Despite being tumultuous as I think a lot of young relationships can be, he was the love of my life. My family treated him like family and I adored his. We had 3 beautiful children. In 2007, he told me he was tired of being a father and husband. I later found out he had a girlfriend. To add insult to injury, he borrowed money from my parents to start a business in June of 2007 before he moved out. Here's how the story goes: I always made more money than he did (although I didn't make much), sort of always pulled his weight (financially), we struggled, did without a lot of things, etc. As soon as his financial situation was good, he was gone. He got all the money, the new luxury car, a big house, AND doesn't have to even work most days! Gees, what happened to Karma? I, on the other hand, still struggle financially, and work even more hours. I didn't get anything except child support (which I'm thankful for).

Worst of all, I feel "stuck". I feel like life passes me by and the world keeps moving, but I'm just going thru the motions. I tell myself repeatedly to get over it, but it's just not so easy. I date a really nice guy and have a great time with him. But unfortunately, love is dead for me. I have no love inside me to give. I don't want to be a bitter old lady (I'm 41 now)!! Does this feeling every go away? And what is up with me still crying some days? I hate this. I am normally very "together".