19 and dang near completely alone.

by Shawna Cleary
(Indianapolis, Indiana)

This photo was takin maybe a month and half before my dad passed. I miss this smile. </3

This photo was takin maybe a month and half before my dad passed. I miss this smile.

Hi, my name is Shawna.
Okay , when i was 12 i lost my mom. Because i didnt have a good relationship with her it didnt affect as much as when my dad passed. My dad was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer in early december of 2012. Every day something new would happen, hed have another stroke, lose more memory, or the doctors would tell us some more horrifying news. My dad was pretty much, all i had. He was my everything. He was the dad that didnt have to be there, but did. Biologically i was not his daughter but mentally i was . On December 15th 2012 my father passed away, he had been in the hospital three weeks before he passed and it hurt so bad to see him go and it still does. As of right now im a senior in high school , and live with my boyfriend and his parents because i have no where else to go . Its amazing how in not even 3 full weeks i lost my house and my dad . 2012 was the hardest year of my life , i lost my grandma, my cousin, and my dad . I pretend to be such this strong person but i dont know how much longer i can keep this up, i feel like im ready to lose it . I mean, i have no one there to talk to or anything and i just dont know how long i can keep holding this in .If you have any advice email me at cleary.shawna@yahoo.com

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Jan 18, 2013
19 and dang near completely alone
by: Doreen U.K.

Shawna I am so sorry for your losses of the people from your life. losing your dad and your home seem to be the most significant losses recently that is causing you so much pain. You are so very young to have to face such loss in your young life. You are at a horrible crossroads not knowing which way to turn and this is so frightening. You feel so ALONE. Don't you have aunts, uncles, cousins, or just anyone else who can support you? The first thing you can do is see your GP and ask him for the starting point for some grief counselling which shouldn't cost you much. You can then access Social Services as another point of contact and see if they can get you the support you need. Talking to a counsellor would be very beneficial for you. You could find a Church and get the support from there. Just be careful that you don't mix with the wrong crowd and get drawn into anything that may take the edge off your pain for the moment but cause you worse problems down the line. You are in a very vulnerable position. Just don't give up Hope in a better future from the misery you are in at the moment. We all have such times and it is the most painful place to be and often we don't know the way out. Things will get better for you in time. DON'T GIVE UP.!!!

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