1st Dinner out by myself ~

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

My 50th Birthday Dinner ~

My 50th Birthday Dinner ~

I had just gone to another job interview and I decided I wanted Olive Garden for dinner. They have have a wonderful soup call Zuppa and it was getting cold and windy in what's normally sunny and hot Las Vegas.

But thing I started thinking and then after a few moments I thought maybe I'll get it to go but you know soup and salad is better eaten at the restaurant. Cold soup and warm salad didn't sound appealing.

I parked, took a big breath and walked in. I sat in the bar area and I had my Kindle so I thought no problem. Read a little and have a nice dinner. I was OK, kind of weird not having someone to look across the table but I was reading. No problem.
I also had a glass of wine.

I finished, paid the check and when I was waiting for my leftovers to be bagged it hit me. Alone, Alone, Alone ~ oh dear god, please don't let me start crying in the restaurant.

I thanked the server, made my exit and still managed to say good-bye to the hostess in one swift move toward the door.
I was safe in the car ~ the tears came ~ I was sad I was eating alone, my first out but I still did it.

So, I told myself, good job ~ 1 small step for me. I know Billy would be shaking his head and being going What? What? What's the problem???
My first thought was to run into the house and get on the computer and let you all know what I did. We have difficult times and the sadness can be overwhelming but there are rays of light, the load sometimes a little easier ~ I consider everybody here my support group and friends. So Guess What Friend ~ I did it....
Always, 1 step, 1 breath at a time

Comments for 1st Dinner out by myself ~

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Feb 01, 2011
doing those things
by: Lyn Ann

Hi Pat - like your dinner out, there are a hundred little things that we have to "just get through". I force myself to do stuff like this - to go to dinner (alone) to walk the places we used to walk, to go where we used to go. I force myself, and cry, because i figure that each time i do it, it will get easier.

Does it? - well, sort of. It doesn't really get 'easy' but you just get used to it. So good for you - keep putting yourself out there. I'm sure that is what our husbands would want us to do.
take care, Lyn Ann

Jan 31, 2011
you did good
by: shirley

I'm glad you were able to do this dinner by yourself. It's an important step. I pray for you all the time dear cousin. I know many people don't want to listen to you talk about Billy but my ears will always be available.

Jan 31, 2011
Good for you!!!
by: Debbiek

You made a huge step forward, even I couldn't do what you did. Keep going and I wish you all the best. It isn't over until it's over...

Jan 31, 2011
Brave One
by: Barbara G in not so sunny anymore Calif.

I am so happy that you made it through the evening, and think that perhaps I need to try it. Steve has been gone 2 years and I really feel I have stopped moving forward, if I ever really was. We were married for over 40 years and I am just stuck here, broken hearted, alone, and can't picture a happy future for myself. Just ticking off the days. Oh sure, there are family and friends, but as we all know they have their own life, their lives changed very little. Our lives are gone. But a book and a restaurant would be a real test for me. If you did it, maybe I can too.

Jan 31, 2011
1st Dinner - CONGRATS
by: Pam


Wow, that is a milestone! Congrats on being able to do that, can't even imagine how hard that was. I don't know that I will ever be able to do that. How long has it been for you? I love the pic of your husband, looks like you were really happy!
I just had a small milestone, but still a milestone. I went to get my oil changed at the place WE always took our van to. Well that was last week and I could hardly get the words out of what I wanted done. I also need tires bad, so I waited and practiced what I was going to say, did a little research, so today I called from work, told them exactly what I wanted, and dropped the van off at noon. Now granted I handled on the phone and not in person, but I handled it. No tears, no stress, I did it! We need to pat ourselves on the back when we are able to do something for the first time, because it is so very hard. My husband John has been gone 9 weeks but it seems like forever.
Thanks for sharing, allowed me to share a little too!

Jan 31, 2011
I'm Proud of You!
by: Anonymous

That is so hard going to dinner all by yourself and just aching for someone to be with you. I thought you prepared yourself well with the Kindle and did an amazing job!
I know how you feel where you hold the tears in just until you are no longer around anybody....and then they come in a flood. I know the heartache of loss...and I can empathize with your pain. I am proud of the steps you are making. May God bless you in taking more steps and help heal your heart!

Jan 31, 2011
1st dinner out by myself
by: jules

I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one step, one breath
take care

Jan 31, 2011
Bravo for you Patricia!
by: Judy

It's been 14 months for me and I still have not
gotten the gumption to eat out alone. Somehow I think I would feel pathetic sitting there alone with my book which I would cling to like a lifeline. I can't even go sit in a darkened movie theatre alone! Good for you.


Jan 31, 2011
1st dinner out by myself
by: Donna

Patricia, I would consider this a HUGE step for me. I am so proud of you. Mine and Bryan's anniversary was Oct 4 last year. My two daughter's and I went out to THE OLIVE GARDEN to celebrate, that was a favorite for Bryan and I. Even with them their I started to cry quite a few times before dinner was over. I don't think that I could do it on my own, at least not yet. My appetite hasn't been that great lately any way. Maybe in the future I too can take this HUGE step myself. But until then I go one step one breath one day at a time.

Jan 31, 2011
out by yourself
by: Judith

Patricia, I'm so glad you made that step out the door. Please continue to do for yourself. You'll regain the confidence you once had. Hopefully you didn't loose it all.

That's a wonderful picture of you two. All of them are that you have posted. I wish I had someone take more of me and my Chuck over the last 3 1/2 years.

I go out to the mall and to eat alone a few times a month and don't feel like a magnifying glass is on me. I'm okay with it but do so miss being with my .

Am proud of you for taking an important step in your recovery. And don't worry if you do well up and cry. I certainly don't.

Take care

Jan 31, 2011
Solo flight


I am so proud of you taking that big step. It is hard doing the things that we know probably will cause tears. Courage comes in all different ways. Some people are totally comfortable being alone. It is something that we need to learn to do. Going solo and still enjoying ourselves. If not we would just sit at home doing nothing, and that gets old, boring and lonely.

We know lonely we need to learn out to get out and be comfortable with ourselves until we have someone to share outings with male or female.
I tell myself the only way to get over this is to do things your normally wouldn't. Just to find our new "Normal"

Good going girl!

Jan 31, 2011
For Patricia
by: Mari

Patricia, you did really good. Of course it was not easy for you but you did it and were still able to say goodbye and be courteous to the waitress.Many others would have run out of there.
You are wonderful. You took that one step, one breath.It might just be easier next time or maybe you can invite a friend. Olive Garden is a good place to eat. It is a funny thing. I have never been to the Olive Garden here where I live but have been numerous times in NJ 3000 miles from here.
I think tears are part of the healing process.And time. We need time.
As for me I am doing alright. I am at the point now where I just thank God I had my husband and realize I will not see him again until we meet by the crystal shore. I live a different life, mostly church and family, a new great grandaughter who was born Jan 5th. I used to pray that I would get a great grandchild in my life time and not only did God grant me that wish but my mother is a great great now and she is 84 and doing fine.
I pay bills and am dealing with the taxes. fun stuff like that.
Now as for you I think you are really trying hard and did great and have a whole lot of God given inner strength.Maybe you are not even aware of it. God bless you and keep posting. Mari

Jan 31, 2011
well done
by: Linda(Quebec)

I don't know that I could do that.I'm having trouble visiting people because I'm reminded that ....oh last time I was hear Wayne was with me , so I don't go anywhere much! Like your hubby I know mine would say"Get out and live" but right now I can't.............I will but not right now.

Well done and thanks for posting so much it gives me hope!

Jan 31, 2011
Dinner alone
by: Anonymous

Kudo's to you. It has been six months and I try. Even pull into the restaurant parking lot. But haven't been able to go in. Thanks for sharing your story. Maybe now I can at least make it to the door,

Jan 31, 2011
Dinner out by myself
by: M Mack


Thanks for sharing your experience. You sent inspiration and we all know it took courage to make that step on your own. We don't need to LOOK lonely to the rest of the world even though we feel lonely. The book, waitress, hostess were all a small part of the scene giving you a feeling of normality. I so glad you did it and shared your story. Keep it up and you will be just fine. Billy is proud of your effort. Tke care and keep sharing.

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