2 Beautiful Daughter In 27 Days
Jaarna- passed 22/06/2013 aged 31.
My darling eldest daughter was so excited about life, her future so positive until 'that phone call' changed it all.
She had been feeling tired for a while but kept on going until they discovered a 13.5cm tumour in her left kidney. It turned out to be a pnt cancer, evidently rare in someone her age. They suggested it had been growing for a few years and triggered by an injury which took me straight back to a time when a group of females beat her, kicked her as she lay on the ground. She fought hard, was being burnt on her feet and finger tips from the inside out due to the 'vide' chemo treatment but she made it and had a short period of maybe 8 weeks after radiation where we thought it was over. Not the case.....the surgeon burst the tumour on removal of her kidney and was now all through her abdomen..........sorry nothing we can do they said so we took her home to die.
Shiann 26/05/2013 aged 23.
My baby girl, gave birth to her 4th baby........4 under 5.
I drove up to be with her during her labour I cryed, I knew her body was worn out....she was raising the children with hardly any help from her non working partner and I was living out of a suitcase trying to support and spend as much time with Jaarna as I could over the chemo etc and so disappointed I was not there for Shiann. 3 weeks after baby was born I was coming to spend some quality time with her, and prayed Jaarna would survive while I was away, the Thursday before I was to come up I rung, spoke to Shiann and then her partner, I said to him is she dehydrating, he said no and I asked him to take her to A&E. He said to me shes not that bad so I took his word for it. The day I was due to see her, my middle daughter rung....mum Annie has stopped breathing, the ambulance is here. She had been rung by Shianns partner to go in and take Shiann to hospital.....there was no urgency from him. I sped up there,,,,,it was too late, they couldn't bring her back,,,,,,, her partner told us she had woken up in the wee hours of the morning and couldn't walk properly and wasn't able to speak properly either,,,,,,,,,he did nothing. I ended up with her phone and checked it to see what correspondence she had with her midwife,,,,,,that same Thursday the midwife had seen her and said she presented with flu like symptoms,,,,,,Shiann had also text her partner that day, ' I am in so much pain I can't move, I cant even yawn Help' the same day I asked him to take her to hospital!!!!!!!!!
Jaarna having to bury her little sister, knowing her time was close and my other 2 children losing 2 sisters and best friends. The 4 babies who had to go through it all, which have been removed by the system from the fathers 'care' and now my wonderful middle daughter and her partner are caring for them. The lack of respect or care since they left with the father of the children is still ongoing. I have been there, tried to understand, even listened when his 2 relationships had problems, yes 2 since Shiann left.It is too much, this is all so lonely, I feel like a piece of my soul has gone, and don't know if it will ever return. The pain...........I have times where I think 'hey, I am getting through this' then oh maybe not. If the tears want to flow, there is little I can do to stop them. I know there is so much pain and loss in this world, I even thought I had empathy for people who lost a child in particular BUT reality is I had no idea.
I send everyone a giant hug