2 Beautiful Daughter In 27 Days

by Carina
(New Zealand)

Jaarna- passed 22/06/2013 aged 31.
My darling eldest daughter was so excited about life, her future so positive until 'that phone call' changed it all.
She had been feeling tired for a while but kept on going until they discovered a 13.5cm tumour in her left kidney. It turned out to be a pnt cancer, evidently rare in someone her age. They suggested it had been growing for a few years and triggered by an injury which took me straight back to a time when a group of females beat her, kicked her as she lay on the ground. She fought hard, was being burnt on her feet and finger tips from the inside out due to the 'vide' chemo treatment but she made it and had a short period of maybe 8 weeks after radiation where we thought it was over. Not the case.....the surgeon burst the tumour on removal of her kidney and was now all through her abdomen..........sorry nothing we can do they said so we took her home to die.
Shiann 26/05/2013 aged 23.
My baby girl, gave birth to her 4th baby........4 under 5.
I drove up to be with her during her labour I cryed, I knew her body was worn out....she was raising the children with hardly any help from her non working partner and I was living out of a suitcase trying to support and spend as much time with Jaarna as I could over the chemo etc and so disappointed I was not there for Shiann. 3 weeks after baby was born I was coming to spend some quality time with her, and prayed Jaarna would survive while I was away, the Thursday before I was to come up I rung, spoke to Shiann and then her partner, I said to him is she dehydrating, he said no and I asked him to take her to A&E. He said to me shes not that bad so I took his word for it. The day I was due to see her, my middle daughter rung....mum Annie has stopped breathing, the ambulance is here. She had been rung by Shianns partner to go in and take Shiann to hospital.....there was no urgency from him. I sped up there,,,,,it was too late, they couldn't bring her back,,,,,,, her partner told us she had woken up in the wee hours of the morning and couldn't walk properly and wasn't able to speak properly either,,,,,,,,,he did nothing. I ended up with her phone and checked it to see what correspondence she had with her midwife,,,,,,that same Thursday the midwife had seen her and said she presented with flu like symptoms,,,,,,Shiann had also text her partner that day, ' I am in so much pain I can't move, I cant even yawn Help' the same day I asked him to take her to hospital!!!!!!!!!
Jaarna having to bury her little sister, knowing her time was close and my other 2 children losing 2 sisters and best friends. The 4 babies who had to go through it all, which have been removed by the system from the fathers 'care' and now my wonderful middle daughter and her partner are caring for them. The lack of respect or care since they left with the father of the children is still ongoing. I have been there, tried to understand, even listened when his 2 relationships had problems, yes 2 since Shiann left.It is too much, this is all so lonely, I feel like a piece of my soul has gone, and don't know if it will ever return. The pain...........I have times where I think 'hey, I am getting through this' then oh maybe not. If the tears want to flow, there is little I can do to stop them. I know there is so much pain and loss in this world, I even thought I had empathy for people who lost a child in particular BUT reality is I had no idea.
I send everyone a giant hug

Comments for 2 Beautiful Daughter In 27 Days

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 04, 2014
Your daughters
by: Kate

Oh precious lady,I'm so sorry you lost two children so close together! I lost one son,my oldest one,almost two years ago and it is so hard. Your shock must be great. We can never figure out why it went as it did. Death has no good answer !
My heart goes out to you with your pain. I don't even know how I have endured this pain,but by strength from God,not myself. God is with us and knows our pain. Take one day at a time. Hugs.

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Sep 28, 2014
Hi Carina, I need your help!
by: Jennie

I am so very sorry for the losses you have endured, my sincerest condolences. We have transitioned to a new system, and for better access to advice and support, please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...

Hi Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help also for the transition. Thanks so much!

Sep 13, 2014
2 Beautiful Daughter in 27 days
by: Doreen UK

Carina there will always be a lot of pain and hurt in the world. But losing an adult child is the worst experience of a mother's life. You have the right to be heard and have your pain and loss of Jaana validated. This pain is going to be around for a long time till it gets less. None of us knew what the pain of grief felt like till we had to face it in our own lives. Grief pain is the worst emotional pain because there is no pain medication to take the pain away. The healing is slow and we feel as if this pain will last forever. I have 3 adult children and I couldn't survive losing any one of them. A mother will never stop worrying over her children till the day she dies.
My husband had his cancer tumour growing slowly inside his lining of the lung for 40yrs. As a young man in his 20's he cut asbestos in the workplace and ended up with MESOTHELIOMA. A terminal cancer that was incurable, and inoperable. My grief started he day of diagnosis in March 2009. Treatment started to just buy him time. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days and he died 2rs ago. Married for 44yrs. and not doing retirement on my own. Some days it is hard to believe he has left this world. I have had a close shave with death recently. I only want to live for my 3 adult children even though they are all leading their own lives. Your heart will hurt off and on for some time. I feel so sad for your 4 grandchildren who need a mother's nurturing and guidance. If the father is not capable of looking after his children a care order should go to the best person to rear 4 children to cope with the difficulties of growing up in a turbulent world. The children are a priority. I just hope that this task is a priority and will be managed well.
You need to build yourself up at this time and start to heal from your loss. You have other children who need you. but you have to give time to grieve and heal from our loss of Jaana. I am sorry for your loss.

Sep 13, 2014
Grieving mom
by: Anonymous

Carina, I'm so sorry for your loss. I too loss my first born. Jimmy would have been 39 in a couple of weeks. I loss my wonderful son two years as of tomorrow. He died on his way to work in that beautiful morning on Sept 14, 2012. He was the most wonderful good hearted person and a single father of 5. He died of a heart attack insteadly. I understand how you feel. No parent should lose there child at any age, but it happen to many of us. Please get some help and into a support group. I have and am spiritual . I don't think that pain will ever leave us. I will never be the same. I do my best with my grandchildren left behind and I know how very close they were with there dad. I pray the pain will ease in there little hearts. I wished I would of had a second chance to hold him , to protect him and to be alive for his babies. Your in my prayers.

Sep 12, 2014
by: Carina

I just want to add...............I struggle to understand how this happened....... Shiann in particular..........I think about it and feel sick in my stomach.......all she needed was antibiotics,,,something so simple. I miss them so very much, they were my best friends as well as daughters. Time isn't at this stage making it easier.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!