2 Hearts Made One Forever................

8-21-14 will be 2 years since I lost my precious husband /my soul mate. He was all I needed to know for 26 years...he was my world. We completed each other.
When he passed, my heart and my spirit for life went with him.
I lost my present and any potential future.
I miss him every moment of every day.
Since the moment he passed, I've had no one to comfort me. I have no one at all...and I am only lonely for him.
To make matters worse, a bereavement counselor and groups only did harm...no good at all.
Every day I wake up and quickly realize that I have to struggle thru another day without him.
After having gone thru depression and anxiety that compounded my grief, I still have no motivation or incentive to do the slightest things.
With his passing, I was abruptly thrust in to a different, unfamiliar, UNwanted world...which required me to be a different person.
Two years later now, and I still do not know who I am.
Everyone is a stranger. Everything is new and uncomfortable...and all makes me miss him more.
I've tried working thru grief, but nothing helps...therefore, I still grieve constantly.
I am tired of feeling sad, but it persists...because I know that I will never be happy or joyful until we are united again for eternity..........
I love him with all of my heart...all of my being.

Comments for 2 Hearts Made One Forever................

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Sep 27, 2014
LOVE, Peace and Joy...
by: Anonymous

My Precious,
It is way past time for me to let go of my grief.
But please know that letting go of grief does not mean I'm letting go of you:
I will ALWAYS love you...you will ALWAYS be in my heart...you will ALWAYS be my husband...and I look forward to being with you in the Heavenly bliss of Love forever......

I am letting go of sadness, which I know that you never wanted me to be sad.

I truly know that God brought you into my life for you to love me unconditionally, which you fulfilled perfectly...and to tell me that I am a good, caring, loving person...that my life is worthwhile.
You gave me the generous love and happy life I never would have had.

You truly were my loving comfort and life's mentor. I don't want to disappoint God or you with all that you said to me and taught me.
So I will go on with God's Love and guidance.
To God and you, I am very, very grateful.

By letting go of the sadness that blocks me, we will become closer. As you enjoy well-deserved TOTAL PEACE and JOY with God's tremendously boundless LOVE, I will be better able to share in all of that with you...until I join you and will then experience the fullness of Heaven with you eternally...
I LOVE YOU! BIG (((HUG))...and "kisses!" : )

ps: Nika, Mittzi, Nicky, Mickey, and MELVIN!!!
love you too!

Sep 25, 2014
Our 27th Wedding Anniversay
by: Anonymous

Friday,9-25-87...Coco Palms, Kauai.
to My Precious Husband, today is our anniversary of our wedding day and "our special love."
On that day in that thatched Chapel, at 11 a.m., our 2 hearts became one, united forever.
Warmth from the shining sun...the lovely air...birds chirping...palm trees, foliage, hibiscus...and the tranquility...all set the atmosphere perfectly...

...as the singer, strumming her guitar, sang the Hawaiian Wedding Song...as we met each other to stand before God and the Reverend.

...you in your all-white, slightly decorated aloha shirt, white slacks, with the red royalty sash around your waist...and white shoes.............

....me in my Princess Kaiulani lace gown...the flower haiku on my head, carrying a matching flower bouquet...as was the basket of flowers adorning the Chapel.

We both wore the traditional, lightly-fragranced maile.
We said our vows before God, and acknowledged our relationship to each other to be forever. We looked in to each other's eyes: I nodded my head, and you slightly twisted my ring.

The Rev. said to me: "Your prayers for your husband will be the most advocate at Heaven's Gate."
He said to you: "She will be the queen of your home."
We kissed our "minute kiss."

The Rev. prayed a HI'n blessing for us in HI'n.
The conch blower sounded the conch.
And I signed my name on the certificate as your wife for the first time.
From the HI'n wedding song: "I do love you with all my heart."
Thank you for your beautifully romantic idea of having a special wedding ceremony.

Thank you for being my precious, loving husband since that day and for always...."kisses!"....


Sep 20, 2014
Jesus, I trust in You.
by: Anonymous

Sweetest Jesus, please help me.
My precious, beloved husband has been gone for over 2 years now. I love him and miss him constantly. I don't know how to go on without him. I don't want to go on without him. The pain of his absence is too much for me to bear every moment of every day.
God joined us together, and God took him from me so soon.
Why? He loved me. He took care of me. I needed him, and I still need him. But I know that I can't have him back. I just want him to be at peace and be joyful in the Heavenly Kingdom with You. And please always tell him that I love him. Thank You.
Jesus, I believe in You. I pray and pray. I offer my sufferings and all up to God. I go to Church. I try and am living a good Christian life. I read Scripture quotes. I do contemplative prayer, thinking and talking to God throughout the day, every day.
And yet I have trials, struggles, and problems that are always over-whelming me...depressing me...defeating me. I cannot catch up with everything. I have no relief or help. And everything gets worse. I place all in God's Hands all the time. I ask Him to take over my life. I thank Him for what He gave me. Yet there is nothing but silence and no guidance from Him in my prayer requests.
My husband was the only one who loved me and had concern for me. Now I have none. How do I go on without being loved? I feel so empty, so lost, so confused.
With all of this, Jesus, I don't know what else to do or where to turn.
So with deep heartfelt pain, I humbly beg You: Will You please ask God, the Holy Spirit, and the Blessed Mother to help me always. Give me guidance, peace, perseverance, patience and all that I need to be with You and my husband. always.
Thank You. Jesus, I love You. Jesus, I trust in You.

Sep 20, 2014
No change
by: Anonymous

I am a Catholic, I believe in ALL of my Faith's teachings...I go to Church regularly and try to live a good Christian life.
On the day of my beloved husband's funeral, I came home, realized how really alone I was, and said to God: "It's just You and me now. Please lead the way." (my surrender)
I prayed throughout each day, contemplative prayer.
Well, I was (and still am) dealing with one trial on top of another...and I am so far behind in dealing with a lot of things that need to be done. I keep putting my life and trials in to God's Hands. (keep surrendering).
Still praying throughout each day, contemplative prayer.
But there's no difference in my thoughts and feelings.
God lifted anxiety from me.
However, not the depression or is it grief?
Which ever, I'm tired of feeling sad and alone without my precious husband. I love him and miss him constantly.
For over 2 weeks now, I flooded my mind with inspirational readings and Scripture, especially pertaining to my circumstances. No change.
I cannot function, and everything keeps getting worse.
For over 2 years, I've surrendered and prayed /pray and thank God.
I also had numerous bereavement counseling sessions and take a med for depression. But there's still no difference in the way I think and feel.
So I don't know anymore what could make a difference...except the moment when I join my husband......"kisses!"

Sep 05, 2014
Always sad
by: Anonymous

I'm always sad and lost without him.
No matter what I read, what I think, what I hear, what I do, what I believe, or how much I pray, my sadness continues.
I tired of being sad and feeling lost without him. I want that to stop. Yet, I think that I will be joining the ranks of those who grieve for years and years. (if I live that long).
Sometimes I phase in to shock for a few moments, thinking that it's not for real.
Other times, I feel that my life is not for real. In general, it always seems as if I am just existing.

Aug 22, 2014
Thank you....
by: Mrs. L.

...for your kind words and the time you took.................I am very sorry about your loss. But at least we both had something so rare, so extra special on this earth. I don't think every married couple has a soul mate relationship, so it's harder for people to understand the longer grieving. Since you know, and I agree that 2 years is still fresh....and yes, "limbo" is where I seem to be yet..................................But aside from a soul mate relationship, there are different circumstances. I didn't mention it in my comments but I am disabled, intermittently functional. And my husband was my care-taker. So it's a great effort for me to take care of ALL of my responsibilities now. Despite that, I made an attempt to do volunteer work; but my conditions ruled, and I was not able to fulfill it.............................................

"Friends"...where we lived, they adhered to: "Out of sight, out of mind." And they were not friendly anyway. But where we re-located, people are very friendly. However, we didn't even get a chance to make friends since my husband started to become ill in less than a year of re-location....and my conditions were extremely worse. But anyway, I would never trade one moment that we shared. Not uncommonly, one never knows when "friends" are going to turn away, especially when there is a death. And I had my horrible experiences with that...........................................
Nevertheless, I was told several times that I would meet people who understood what I was feeling and make good friends in a bereavement group. I really looked forward to that. Since I am normally out-going, that wasn't a problem. And time after time, I enthusiastically accepted lunch invitations with a small group for which I would be called....but no one ever called to say when and where.......And they did not understand my feelings, as I was told by someone else, because of my complicated grief and my other situations. However, I am going to try a new bereavement counselor. Was supposed to get a call from one today, but I don't think so at this time on a Friday.........................................
Roller coaster: Oh, yes. Despite all that I have to deal with, I really have fortitude and determination to keep going...But when that roller coaster is going down at times, it's a painful drop. And that's where I was when I wrote my first comment............which brings me to......
God: from day one, I put everything in to His Hands and asked Him to lead the way. My Faith is really keeping me afloat.........................................
Well, Judith, that's it for me for now. Thank you again. God bless you! Please write any time.............................................
ps: Due to re-adjusting, did you think at times that you didn't know who you really were anymore?

Aug 21, 2014
Dear 2 hearts
by: Judith in California

Dear, I have read and re-read your letter. You are still early in grief. We who have lost out soul mates feel this way . But it's a choice to say without a doubt that you will always grieve. The fact is you will be sad for the most part. But we have a choice to move forward as best we can. We have the opportunity to make all the changes in our lies that we want or need to. WE can choose to wake up each morning with a prayer in our hearts that we live a life that our lost mates would be proud of. I'm sure your husand would not want you to live so desolate with dispair.

I too was told he would be better and back to normal and was his caregiver for 3 1/2 years until he passed. I also had a complicated grief. I finally had to give those things I had not resolved to God. I help people who need helping , I find things within my community that need changing and change it.

This of course took about 3 years for me to do. I became tired of feeling in limbo and I know my husband would be proud of my change and continuing to improve my community.

It's hard to move forward when we made our mates the focal point of our mere existence. I would caution people to not do this beacuse one day we will need to have friends to be there for us and us for them. It's understandable that we do this but not healthy for us in the long term.

Grief is not something to be cured. We must go through the awful roller coaster ride of emtions that it entails until we are at the peaceful acceptance side of it.

Please find a good greif counselor or read the LOst spouse section here to get a better perspective on how normal itis to feel the way you feel for now. AS you read some form those of us who have gone before you, you will see it's a process that takes deep soul searching, realizing the reality of what you had as a married couple, the ups and downs and the final acceptance that you did all you could for your mate and let go.

It will be 4 years for me in September and I still see a therapist once a month just to make sure I'm doing okay. Yes, I still love and miss him but I have things I have to do now and I know he is safe and well in heaven.

Here's hoping my thoughts will help you in some way to stop your cycle of saying things that will only keep you down. I have always been a strong person but grieving the loss of a mate can kick all the strong right out of you but you must pick it up again and go forward. Slowly but surely one second, one minute, one day at a time.

I pray for you strentgh to move forward and courage to endure. God is not ready for you yet so you must make the best of the life he gave you until then.

Aug 20, 2014
Thank you.....
by: Mrs. L.

....for replying with your kind words of support.
Many times I've written on these types of sites, and never received a response............I am very sorry for your loss...and it's so sad for your dad, especially with his retirement plans. I know so well that INTENSE pain when I lost my mom. She was the world to me. I thought that I would NEVER get over it. Then 2 years later, I finally learned: "We don't forget...we learn to cope." ........But during that time, I put myself thru college (as she would want me to do), got a good job, and at the same place of employment, I met the man who would be my husband!..........For the longest time, I didn't want to fall in love with him because I didn't want to possibly have to go thru that INTENSE pain of loss again. Well, here I am. But I absolutely do not regret marrying him...........Our intense pain is the price for having intense love...and we are VERY fortunate to have had our loved ones in our lives..................
Yes, I must go on to live as he would want me to...and yes, you also as your mom would want you to. They definitely would not want us to be sad. And we'll have a lot of good things to tell them when we see them in the Heavenly bliss. Take good care.

Aug 18, 2014
I am at my 2 year mark on 8/20- my mom
by: Anonymous

I send you the warmth of my soul to comfort you as I can relate to the pain of losing someone so integral to your being.

There is no one I will ever love on this earth as much as I love as I did my mother. In the past two years there is an emptiness in me and I just never thought I would be so alone. I have my father whom is an extension of her and I just cant imagine how hurt her really feels as she died the year he planned out his retirement. He still retired two years ago because it was what they planned.

It hurts so bad to know he this is so permanent and all I can wish you can try to be open to is to do some things he would of liked you to do. I am working hard to save up to buy a convertible next year, not just for materialistic state but because I just feel my mother is always with me and my accomplishments are still a joint feeling; I know she would like to be with me feeling free driving on the open/scenic road.

Aug 18, 2014
2 Hearts Made One Forever....
by: Mrs. L.

...my comments continued
After DECADES of hard, dedicated work, my husband retired early and then we re-located 2 years later to fulfill a life-long dream: for us to finally have a life.
And we were even MORE exceptionally happy!
He was normally very healthy and strong. However, he became ill and was eventually hospitalized. The "doctor" told me that he would be discharged, and be on meds only for a while.
But before being discharged, he took a turn for the worse.
Yet, ANOTHER "doctor" told me he that he was NOT going to die.
5 minutes after being told that, I was told my husband passed away!?
SHOCK! Devastation! Confusion! Lost. Totally alone.
Less than 2 years after our dream was fulfilled..instead of life...we BOTH got death.
BUT he is having eternal life now with God...and I will join him at some moment for ALL eternity in the Heavenly bliss!
Because of our INTENSE LOVE...and MANY issues that I am dealing with, I am enduring "complicated grief."

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