2 Loved ones and 1 Friend in 2 weeks

by Laramie
(Montana USA)

In the last 2 weeks I have lost 3 people. The first was my grandfather, he past away suddenly from a stroke on his birthday on the 14th. The next morning my boyfriend and I got a call from his mother saying that a good friend and coworker of ours past away on the evening of the 14th from an asthma attack. I'm still trying to process that we have lost two dear people in our lives. My grandfather and I were extremely close but the thing that gets to me the most is that I didn't get to call him on his birthday to say I love you. I didn't get to hear his voice one more time. It absolutely rips my heart to shreds. I miss him so much and feel so guilty about it. My boyfriend and I are religious and he keeps telling me that I can still talk to him through prayer but its just not the same. He was supposed to be there for our wedding. I needed him. I still do. I'm just completely lost without him. I was gone to California for the week after his passing to help my mother figure out what to do with his things and help with the funeral arrangements. During the funeral I sat away from everyone, taking care of my special needs aunt. I couldn't look at his casket or everyone there. I knew as long as I kept busy that I wouldn't fall apart. I got home on Sunday and missed our friends funeral by one day. Then on Wednesday evening my father called me from California. My uncle who had been taking care of my grandfather had passed away sometime during the night before. This was completely unexpected. Him and I were close as well. I just don't know how to process all of this. My boyfriend does not completely understand the grief that I'm going through and every time I bring it up he starts worrying and talking about his parents. We got into a huge fight today because he thinks I'm shutting down, but in all honesty I don't know what to do. My heart hurts so bad and all I know is that I can feel this bowling ball in my chest that won't go away. He wants me to return to work this weekend but mentally I know that I just can't do it and he doesn't understand that. I'm falling apart. I'm so lost.

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