2 months, 1 week and 3 days

by Barb
(Irvington, KY)

Happier times

Happier times

Happier times
The love of my life

My partner of 14 years died on October 11, 2012. She had been ill for awhile but I had no idea of the serious nature of her condition. Cindy died suddenly at home. Her sweet generous heart just gave out on her. Cindy was my everything. She was my constant companion, my rock, the only stable force in my life. I'm not at all sure how to go on.

I vacillate between being angry with God for taking her away from me and being grateful for the 14 years we had together. I'm grateful for God's support during this most horrific time of my life on one hand and cuss Him out on the other for taking her way to soon. Cindy was only 59!

The worst part about the "5 stages of grief" is when they all conspire at once to drive me insane! The pain feels unbearable and I'm not quite sure how to walk though life anymore. I'm scared, lonely, confused, angry, depressed, and just plain nuts!! In a good moment I can hold on to the well intentioned "it will get better" that I keep hearing.

Comments for 2 months, 1 week and 3 days

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Dec 27, 2012
2 months, 1 week and 4 days for me
by: Sandy Pohl

Dear Barb...your story is so very similar to my own, my husband was 58 when he had a massive coronary while delivering packages at his job, I got no good bye, no time with him, by the time I got to the hospital they had pronounced him dead already. I feel like my life is frozen in that very moment when the Dr looked at me and told me that he had collasped delivering packages, a bystander saw him and started cpr and called 911, they shocked him and tried all measures of advance life resesituation to no avail....I thought this is not happening to me...one minute I'm happily married to him for 24 years and the next he's gone..I feel robbed, cheated...there are days that I cry all day every day..I knew that being 15 years older then me that at some point in my life this would probably be a situation that I would have to deal with, but not now, not at 44, not this way....at least God could have let me say goodbye...Godspeed to you..

Sandy Pohl
Dayton, OH

Dec 22, 2012
2 months, 1 week and 3 days
by: Doreen U.K.

Barb I am sorry for your loss of Cindy from your contented and happy life. I am sorry for your intense Grief at losing her. Your vacillating between happy with God and Angry with God is normal Grief. I went through this and still here after losing my husband of 44yrs. 7 months ago. I felt let down by God waiting for a Healing of my Beloved husband.
There were times I felt so happy and contented with my life even with the trials that I endured but also felt a sense of FEAR that this is too good to last and I hope it won't end. I dismissed this thought as merely an intrusion and got on with doing what I had to do each day to make a difference to the world of my family. My husband had a fierce and incurable Cancer. Even though I nursed my husband for over 3yrs. It has gone as fast as the snap of the fingers. I can't even begin to process the 44yrs. of our marriage as life is so fast, and busy. ALL GONE. So suddenly. I hope my grief takes wings and flies away as fast as the last 64yrs of life on this earth. It is just when families are having the time of their lives that this is cut short and ends. We have no choice but to Live. But how to go on in life without our loved one is another story of a slow journey of Grief to where we find ourselves in the days ahead. I hope you will be comforted in your sorrow and Grief and that you will come through this journey with renewed HOPE, and Courage.

Dec 21, 2012
Sharing some pain
by: Dominic

Hello Barb,

My partner Colin died on the 29th October this year less than 2 months ago and we were together 22 years. He was 51 years old and it was completely unexpected.

I am in complete and total agony like I think you might be too. I can't offer you any wise words but just to let you know that I am suffering with you and wish you very well.


Dominic 48 London

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