2 months shy

by molly
(Canada)

It has been 2 months shy of 2 years since I lost my one and only son. I know everyone says it gets better in time but I don't believe that, I know it will never get better. People just say this because they have nothing else to say. I feel like my son has been gone for 50 years and I still can't believe that he is gone. Don't get me wrong I know he is gone because my life is now crap but It is so un-believable that someone so young sweet loving and full of life can just one day disappear and that is what it feels like, it feels like he just disappeared like a magic act but unlike magic never to be seen again. I really have no idea what the future holds for me now (really I never did have an idea) but we go along with this idea in our head that we somehow have control of our futures, we plan for grandchildren and future daughter in laws and think about all the media related celebrations that we see on TV. (now we avoid all of them) but we have no control of the future we have none and one day someone else that we may love will once again disappear. The feeling I have is so strange it is so empty and hollow sometimes its an ache and sometimes I just feel like running and never stopping. The other thing that happens is family (wow do they make things harder). You really get to know people in your life when such a tragedy happens. It just seems that you end up with one loss after another. I don't know I just don't know what else to say life sucks!

Comments for 2 months shy

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May 29, 2013
Loss
by: Anonymous

We struggle until we can face the loss of our sons without the huge pain. We get used to it being a part of us. Lots of painful work.

May 28, 2013
2 yrs & almost 6 months
by: Ryans Mom

How deeply sorry I am for the loss of your son. My 28yr old Ryan will be gone 2yrs and 6 months at the end of june. Your words really hit home for me. How can these young men be gone? The ache and that sick feeling is always inside. Its a feeling that you cannot describe. I just keep praying and praying to be able to go along this path. Part of my heart went with my son - everyday something is missing.........

May 28, 2013
2 months shy
by: Doreen U.K.

Molly You are Spot on and got it right. The loss of a child cannot be overcome no matter what people say. I am so desperately sorry for your loss of your son. This is the very worst loss you could experience no matter how old the child is, even if this be an adult child. It is inappropriate for anyone to be speaking to you and saying that one day you will get over your loss. YOU WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR LOSS! You will just learn to live with it in a different way, perhaps with less pain. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 1 yr. ago to a deadly cancer caused in the workplace. He was due to retire and now lost this. SO UNFAIR!. I am now very vulnerable to loss of other loved ones. This is what the shock of a death does to our body and mind. My sister lost her 30yr. old son 6yrs. ago and her pain was so unbearable she couldn't function. Today she is in a more stable place with her grief. She is supporting other people. But she has days when something will trigger off her pain of loss. Everyone will have the scars of such a loss FOREVER. Ignore what people say to you if it is of no benefit. I know it hurts. People mean well and often don't know what to say so they say anything that comes into their head. I get the same problem and I have heard other people say the same thing.
I never thought I would feel such betrayal of family on the day I buried my husband. I felt as if I was kicked in the stomach. It was such a shock. People you thought had the best intentions and would be supportive, just walked away. At the very worst time of your life, which makes the pain worse. I thought I would never recover from this. But you know what? I HAVE MOVED ON FROM THIS HURT. I have become wiser and stronger in how I deal with situations and people. You will too. It doesn't feel like this now. The secret to CHANGE is FOCUS. In time your focus will change. Perhaps new people will enter your life and help make it better for you each day to walk this path of grief with you. For every person who gives you a problem. God will surely put someone in your life to make up for it. As angry as I was with God for my loss of losing my husband I equally know God and how He works and I saw all the nice and positive things God put my way like gold nuggets in my life. DON'T EVER GIVE UP! I feel as if my husband died more than 1yr. ago so I get what you mean when you say it feels like 50yrs. I hope you can join a support group or compassionate friends online who focus on the loss of a child. It is there you will get the greatest support from people who have lost a child and speak openly. This is how you will grieve and also HEAL FROM YOUR LOSS. I feel your pain and sorrow but encourage you to NEVER GIVE UP!. Sorrow like this has to ease one day otherwise our grief would kill us. May you be comforted in your grief and sorrow till you can find your way back to some normality in what is the worst loss ever.

May 28, 2013
I totally understand
by: Carol, Sean's Mom

Molly, I lost my son a little over 18 months ago. Suddenly. Unexpected. He was the oldest of three children but my only son. He was hansome, sensitive, loving yet like most 24 year olds not perfect and trying to find his way in this big world. He went to sleep one sunday afternoon because he worked the overnight shift and I never talked to him again. They called his death the Perfect Storm. This Perfect Storm destroyed my world. I try for his two wonderful sisters but our family is so broken without him. He had the most beautiful blue eyes that just sparkled. He had such a serious smile. His name is Sean. He was and will always be my sunshine and hansome young man. I understand everything you wrote, and I agree, Life Sucks!!

May 28, 2013
my son Brendon
by: Anonymous

I know just what you are saying, we lost our son to a motor bike accident 18 months age, everyone say that it get easier but I don't think they have ever lost a child, you have this really dark cloud hanging over you no matter what you do. We have 4 other children but still have a huge whole in our life now because a man failed to give way and killed our son, he was only 26 and the joy of my life. I miss him so much and still have not gotten through one day without tears for him.
You are not alone there are lots of us parents without our children now. I really feel for you.

May 27, 2013
Dear Molly
by: Anonymous

This is the third big loss I have had in my life but it is the worst so far. I experience the same feelings that you describe. it is not even two weeks since I found out. I am really confused and bewildered. The instructions to post a comment here said to write a long message otherwise it would not be published. i would just write over and over that i feel your pain and i would like to thank you for writing about it because it helps people like myself to share also.
I did not lose my son, and there could be nothing on earth as painful. i lost my mother first when i was young and it was very traumatic. then my mother-in-law died but that was very peaceful and serene. the day she died, i got on the plane to go back to vancouver and the plane was filled with reflections of light and as soon as the plane was in the air, i felt like i was in heaven with her (she was very religious). now i just lost a man that i knew three years and loved very much. it was a very difficult relationship and there was a lot of unfinished business, and i feel anger sometimes, and so much pain it is hard to endure. i could talk about this a long time, i guess, but i just want to end here and tell you again thank you for writing. i found a book called 'the grief handbook' and it is helpful, i think, so write back and let me know if you find it and if you think it is good.

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