2 months shy
It has been 2 months shy of 2 years since I lost my one and only son. I know everyone says it gets better in time but I don't believe that, I know it will never get better. People just say this because they have nothing else to say. I feel like my son has been gone for 50 years and I still can't believe that he is gone. Don't get me wrong I know he is gone because my life is now crap but It is so un-believable that someone so young sweet loving and full of life can just one day disappear and that is what it feels like, it feels like he just disappeared like a magic act but unlike magic never to be seen again. I really have no idea what the future holds for me now (really I never did have an idea) but we go along with this idea in our head that we somehow have control of our futures, we plan for grandchildren and future daughter in laws and think about all the media related celebrations that we see on TV. (now we avoid all of them) but we have no control of the future we have none and one day someone else that we may love will once again disappear. The feeling I have is so strange it is so empty and hollow sometimes its an ache and sometimes I just feel like running and never stopping. The other thing that happens is family (wow do they make things harder). You really get to know people in your life when such a tragedy happens. It just seems that you end up with one loss after another. I don't know I just don't know what else to say life sucks!