2 months today! So sad all the time.

by Jack
(sweden)

Today is 2 months since I lost my partner. The sadness is just so bad most of the time. I have gone back to work but I don't feel like being there anymore. I hate all of it.
He told me to go home after he died. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do next. I have been gone from home for 20 years. Home is not here in Sweden. I have got to leave this country. I was only here all these years for my partner. Everyone says no big changes for at least a year. I don't have a choice! I pray I make the right decision. I must move on now. I'm crying all the time and I feel like I talk to myself when i'm walking up the street. Everyone must think I'm nuts. Who cares what they think.
I just needed to write on this site again. thanks for letting me share my pain with you all. I know it will get better one day.

Comments for 2 months today! So sad all the time.

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May 16, 2011
2 months
by: M Mack

Jack,

Twenty years is a long time to be in another country. If you move home so quickly you will not give your grief the time it needs to clear the air. This grief is very hard on all of us and I can tell you that you must go through it, the long version. If you skip the steps, you're likely to get hit twice as hard. Take your time. Think about how fortunate you were to have had your partner. Don't make any major decisions and let the idea of what's happened to you sink in- understand what's happened in your life. Now if you think you can't get a handle on things, don't be afraid to get help. Come here as often as you need to and know you are not alone. Prayers and hugs for strength from the U.S. Hang in there it will get better in time.

May 16, 2011
The anger does lessen.
by: Anonymous

Please, call a grief counselor before you go or when you get to your Country if that is what you choose to do. I lost my Husband 18 years ago.
Still feels at times as if was only yesterday.
However, The anger does lessen with time.
for me attending a grieve support group really helped. At that time they did not have one for young widows. The group was for much older people they now have one for almost any kind of grieve.

I do not know what I would have done with out them. They were such loving and supportive ear for me. I am so sorry for your loss and pray your pain is held in GODS HANDS. God Bless!

May 16, 2011
Change
by: Zoe

John and I were in the process of settling on our house when I lost him. I could not live in a home we had chosen we had talked about decorating we had dreamed of. I moved to a different state and bought a different home. Sometimes change is necessary to survive.
Come here as often as you need to
And remember
One breath
One step
One day at a time

May 15, 2011
I get it
by: lisa

"I have gone back to work but I don't feel like being there anymore. I hate all of it."

I worked through Mike's hospitalization, his death and the aftermath. I know exactly how you feel - I would prefer to be anywhere else but I need my job.

"Home is not here in Sweden. I have got to leave this country. I was only here all these years for my partner. Everyone says no big changes for at least a year. I don't have a choice! I pray I make the right decision. I must move on now."

People say don't make big decisions for a year but some decisions can't wait. We had a small place in FL - without Mike there's no point. I'm selling at a loss but don't care - it just needs to be gone. You need to save yourself.


"I'm crying all the time and I feel like I talk to myself when i'm walking up the street."

In time the crying slows down - there are still days of course where it's non stop tears (I am now starting my 4th month of grieving) but it does get better.

"thanks for letting me share my pain with you all. I know it will get better one day."

It's by sharing experiences we realize we aren't alone. Life will get better - we just have to find the right path for us.

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