2 suicides, 2 attempted suicides and 5 more deaths in 8 months.
7 dead, 2 were suicides both found hanging from a tree, one day after another. It started with a gamer friend in Feb., then an Aunt I did not know well. I was sad I had not known her better since she was married to an Uncle I loved, but they moved out of state and I did not see them much. Then the mother of my husbands 5 nieces died. They were all grown, the youngest just barely, but all were devastated. I hurt for them, even though I was not that close to their mom.
Then a co-worker died of a heart attack in March. I had trained with him 15 years prior and known him that long. He was younger that me by 6 years. This one really hit me.
Over the next few months a niece in her early 20's was hospitalized for an attempted suicide. Her mom, also my sister was not even going to tell me. That hurt. It was the nieces live-in boyfriend, father of their child, that filled me in. Then a nephew, only 13, made an attempt. He was chatting online with me frequently, since we live so far from each other, and told me how he felt. I was able to get a hold of his pastor and child protective services was involved, so he went to a hospital for a few weeks.
While I was busy trying to keep this nephew alive, my other brother's 17 year old son hung himself on Aug 23rd. A day later my coworker and mentor was found hanging from a tree. I was devastated at my own loss and for my younger brother and wife who lost their only son. This was just too much.
But no. My father died a month later, a very painful death. I have not been the same since. It is overwhelming. My siblings were not as close to my dad as I was. They do not grieve as I do. My sister is very cold and not much nice to say, even though she lived with him the last few months. She was in charge of everything, had his ashes shipped to his out of state wife who was in the process of divorcing him, and did not even want to have a memorial here. She said she had already done her grieving and said her goodbyes in the nursing home, where the hospital sent him, to finish out his last 3 or 4 days. The rest of my siblings live so far away. I don't even hear from the oldest and youngest any more. They did not bother to come. I think I was the only one that kept in touch with my dad regularly, when mom divorced him and he eventually remarried. He move out of state, but I called or sent emails with photos of my kids on a regular basis. We even took a vacation to see him. No one else did.
My husband and kids (9 & 13) are angry, and yelling at every one. I can not comfort them and they are too angry to be a comfort to me. It is hard not to have someone to share my grief with.
When will this end? I feel so alone. Some days I want to be with my dad again.