2 Years Later...
(Tucson, AZ, USA)
I'm 19 years old, and I lost my mother two years ago April 11th. (04/11/2012) It's an especially hard week... and I honestly feel like people are tired of hearing it. On the 12th of April, the day after she was found, I got a knock on the door at 12:30 in the morning. It was my aunt... her first words to me were, "What is going on? I just got a call saying your mom was in a morgue." I just stood there... I didn't have a phone, and had been waiting for countless hours for my mother and father to get home. I had never been so confused. After she realized I didn't know what she was talking about, she told me to get my stuff and go to my Grandpa's. No one knew what was happening. I got my Grandpa's, and shortly after my mothers twin came through the door with my cousins. I had never been so glad in my entire life that my mom was a fraternal twin. 20 minutes later, we got word that my mother was still where she was found dead, in her best friends bed. She died from the multiple toxicity of drugs and have a seizure in her sleep. Very suddenly... It was not suicide... I was asked multiple times at her funeral if she had committed suicide. I had never been so confused. But now, two years later, I still find myself talking as if she had never left... and picking up the phone to call her... I don't feel like I've gotten to a point where I can accept it, and I don't know what to do. My dad, my step-dad actually, is taking counseling, and I feel like he is so much farther along in the process that I don't want to hold him back with my grief... but then I find myself crying and listening to depressing music at 1 o'clock in the morning. I lost her too soon, and I just want her back.