2 years of mourning

It started with the death of my paternal grandmother in 2010, November 5th. My dad was disabled and had a history of relying on my grandmother for moral support but he also used to protect her when he was a teenager from his abusive father (my paternal grandfather died in 1988). We knew it would be hard for him after she was gone, and his health became worse.

Then January, 2011 my maternal grandfather passed away; he was like a foster father to me and he was my last grandparent. I had increasing concerns from my father's health, then in Feb, 2011 he stated he did not feel safe alone any more and wanted to move to an assisted living facility.

He had multiple levels of mental, physical and financial issues to account. I was lucky to have my family to team up for support of the months. He moved in June, 2011. He went into the hospital for what we thought was mental health issues in August and September we thought it was pain management issues. In October he was found unconscious and we were notified to come say goodbye - it was his COPD that had caused the cognitive issues not his mental health diagnosis. He was discharged after a quick upswing. He stopped smoking for a month, then he started again. I was so very angry but sympathetic to his many years of struggles. Complicated grief. He was approved for hospice new years eve, then he had another up swing in January. I talked to him January 14th and he sounded good. He died Jan 15th, 2012.

This was the hardest mourning process i've ever experienced and i miss dad so much. He was only 58; i'm 33... i don't have children yet...

I was honoring my re-cycling of grief at the year mark a couple weeks ago then 2 days later I was notified that one of my closest friends died of 2 pulmonary embolisms at age 35. Unexpected, shocking, a huge blow, it shakes ones foundation. i just talked to her about a week before, and she is in Germany still with her belongings. We are unsure when a memorial will be held due to financial issues to have her returned to the US.

It's nice to see a place where others who have this shocking reality right now of so much loss can appreciate the challenges to continue working and living along side others who have no idea what to say or how to help. Honestly I don't always know how to direct them either...


Comments for 2 years of mourning

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Feb 01, 2013
2 years mourning
by: Doreen U.K.

Christine I am sorry for your loss of your last paternal grandfather and also your friend who died at a very young age.
It often happens when we are grieving over a loss that we will incur more losses. It is difficult to grieve each loss when this happens which is why a grief counsellor can help immensely with grieving each loss so that at least one can move forward better otherwise we can get stuck in grief and find it difficult to move forward.
You have a very positive attitude that YES! you do have to move on whether you feel like it or not. But each person will know within themselves when this will happen which is why no 2 people can compare time span of grief. We have different relationships with people that will affect our grief and the duration of this can go on for years. If anyone is in severe grief pain for a number of months or years. This is a signal to do something about this and go and see a grief counsellor. It is not always easy to support other's in grief because many don't know what to say and what not to say. But when you have lost someone you will know that just sharing your loss with another will be supportive and helpful to them. Just being available is also good to do. When words fail. Say nothing. Just maintain companionship. It is a daily battle to move forward. Being on this site and reading other's peoples posts of their experiences is so supportive and helpful and Healing in itself. We will get to the point where encouraging other's will be easier to do, It can't happen though when we ourselves are in the middle of our own grief and despair from our loss.

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