2 years on. Will it ever get better?

Left my wife (we had been together for ten years) about a year and a half ago after I found out she'd been cheating on me.

I have good days and bad days. This weekend has been the worst for quite some time. I guess it's because a girl I'd been seeing for the last six months went back home (abroad) after her studies had finished.

I shouldn't be surprised at this, as I knew at the time that it was too soon to get involved with somebody else and that seeing her was just a distraction from the pain of my divorce. Now she's gone and I have to pick up where I left off in trying to cope with this thing.

The other problem I have is that I'm stuck living with my parents which is irritating, depressing and humiliating in equal measure. I'm probably stuck living with them for at least another year while I pay off my debts from the divorce and build up some savings.

I'm just tired of feeling this way, really. I can just about cope with my day to day life, but I just don't take any pleasure out of anything I do. It all just seems so pointless and monotonous. I just go through the motions in the day, then rattle around my room at night until it gets so late, I have to force myself to go to bed.

I would say that I don't miss my wife as she is now. In fact she puts me in mind of a devil in a human suit. But I miss who she was/or who I thought she was. She cheated herself really, as I was a good husband.

The worst thing for me is that I'll never have the answers as to why she did this. How can you have no real reason for it? How could somebody who I never thought capable of those actions do this to the person she claimed she loved?

I have a lot of memories of happy, fun and loving times during our ten years together, which people tell me to be grateful for. But the fact we were so happy in my mind and she still cheated means that either she was hiding her true feelings from me for all these years, meaning I'm not remembering reality, or, if my ex can just consign our marriage to the trash after ten years, what worth can these happy times hold?

Every day I have to fight the urge to not contact her and scream at her/beg for her to come back/tell her to go to **ll/ask for reasons why she did what she did.

Comments for 2 years on. Will it ever get better?

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Jul 21, 2014
Feel so Alone
by: Josie

I have been with the same man since I was 14yrs old & he was 17yrs this year will be 39yrs. We got divorced 7yrs ago it was more of a needing to get out of my dysfunctional family as it was for him. I thought I loved him but he knew he was not the love of my life nor was I pregnant didn't have a baby until 3yrs later. All these years he has and always has been very mentally abusive why did I stay with him I don't know I tried many times to leave him but there was always threats and I truly believed he would act on them. When things were good it was great, but when his temper goes watch out! I have 4 grown kids and no reason to even speak to him anymore I'm 54yrs old and feel like my life has totally passed me by now that I have lost all my brothers and parents I'm the only one left in my immediate family. It's crazy that through all that I have been through our minds have ways or shall I say the devil to make us see only the good times & have a way of focusing all the negative stuff. Every time I hear he is moving on I find a way to sabotage his relationships & bring him back into my world. Somewhere in my head I know I have to completely let him go just like he tells me but after growing up together we tell each other we still love each other and try again to make it work. What I'm getting at is divorce is a reality just like a death & if you and your ex were meant to stay together she would of given you signs that something is wrong 10yrs is a long time you might have seen some changes but were in denial. The fact remains you have to get it together being back living with your parents only makes you feel even more depressed. Focus on the good that you have inside of you and believe me there are plenty of women out there who are waiting to step in to a loving relationship you will find her. What could of been, should of been is all gone. Are you willing to take her back once her new relationship sizzles and wait until she does it again? Give yourself a reality boost write her a letter don't hold back anything you want to say and burn it walk away smile and move on. God bless you and be ready the real love of your life is out there now go find her!

Jul 21, 2014
2 years on. Will it ever get better?
by: Doreen UK

The reality is that Your wife cheated on you and you found it necessary to leave her. IT HURTS! because when you go into marriage the vows state. FORSAKING ALL OTHER. In sickness and health, for better or worse. Worse does not include INFIDELITY. God instituted Marriage and gave clear guidelines for divorce on the grounds of adultery. If you and your EX could not work it out then it is no use torturing yourself with "What might have been" and wanting all THOSE GOOD TIMES BACK. You could go and see a RELATE (marriage counsellor) and often just one person can go. you will learn about yourself and any problems a counsellor would pick up on. This is a very Mature and cleansing thing to do for yourself. More important if you plan on finding a new person in your life. You will have a better foundation for a new relationship, and any new relationship would have a better chance of survival. When a relationship fails you can lose your SELF-ESTEEM. Start building yourself up. Doing good things for yourself. If it is your thing then Join a Gym. The workout would build up your sense of well being, you would meet people. Exercise is good for depression. Just a starting point for a man. You would be broadening your outlook and a start to getting your life back on track. Take on extra work to pay off your debts. Then work hard at saving to enable you to get out of the home living with your parents. Paint your room and do it up to make your environment more inviting, and help your mood be better. Take a course or evening college classes and learn a trade or a hobby e.g. car maintenance, woodwork, bricklaying, etc. or anything that grabs your interest. You will start to brighten up your world. It is all about FOCUS. Small changes at first and build on them.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. I could not function for the first 6 months. I nurtured myself back into life. I took one job a day and then two and built on this. I have cleaned up my husband's garage by clearing it out and skipping a lot. DE-CLUTTERING. I pace myself and do one project a month. Painted the Hallway. Cleaned the carpets. Painted and done my bedroom up to be cosy. Got tradesmen in to install new doors, paint the lounge, do structural work in the home that needed doing. Fix the drains, put in a new driveway, fix the roof. Now what is left I will do slowly. Sand and paint the log cabin. Install new fencing next year. I will spray paint all the panels twice each side to save money. What jobs the tradesmen don't do well I won't pay for and I will do it myself. Having worked with my husband for over 44yrs. when he was a carpenter and I was wife/labourer. I have organised and done much more than I have told you here. Not bad for a 66yrs. old woman. I still get my down days. But I FOCUS on doing what I need to do. I hope life gets better for you and I have inspired you to change your life. Don't look back. LOOK FORWARD. Best wishes.

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