21 Year old girl lost her dad 3 years ago struggling to cope with my mums grief

Hi there,
I lost my dad when i was 18 years old he was the most amazing, selfess man i have ever come accross.I stumbled accross this page for some help and advice really, my mum and dad were married for 27 years and my dad died of brain cancer in 2009.Since then i have tried eveything to help mum. She is coping really badly threatening to kill herself.She is on antidepressants and has had counselling but nothing seems to help her.My brother and sister have walked away from her as she can be rally nasty but i have to stand by her.Just wondered wether there was anyone out there who is in a similar situation as im am dealing with my own grief and my mums totally lost the plot! Three years on its getting worse mums got no job and in a total rutt.Any advice would be amazing thanks xxxx

Comments for 21 Year old girl lost her dad 3 years ago struggling to cope with my mums grief

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Feb 07, 2013
Dear Struggling
by: Shawna

Dear struggling, i know what you are going through. I lost my dad two months ago, i am 19 years old and also lost my mom when i was 12. Its hard having to see someone go through this type of thing , ive seen it many times. I do think that you should take your mother to a nursing home, shes going to be depressed but her threatening to commit suicide does seem like clinical depression which wont go away on its own. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk just email me at cleary.shawna@yahoo.com

Jan 30, 2013
21 Year old girl lost her dad 3 years ago struggling to cope with my mums grief.
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anxious daughter you are in a very hard place and seem to be unsupported with your siblings having walked away. Bless you for standing by your mother even when she is being difficult. Depression is a very debilitating illness and is also very difficult for the people exposed to your mum's behviour. She needs a lot of understanding and this is not easy to give by everyone. Your Mum seems like she is not coping and more reason to see your doctor first and let them know what is happening. You can also approach social services for support. Keep knocking on doors till you get the support you need. Also make sure you are looking after yourself and not struggling alone as you will break down. Let these professional bodies know that you can't cope with your mum by yourself. I have been in counselling myself for years and it did work well for me. I did move forward. I also then went on to work for Mental health as a volunteer for over 8 years. I know how difficult it is being ill with depression. I also know what it feels like to come out of depression and get my life back. I know how difficult it is living with the disease and also being with others who were mentally ill and suicidal. It is not easy which is why you cannot handle this problem in isolation. I also know what it feels like to lose a family member to suicide by depression. You did the right thing by sharing your difficulty with others so you are not struggling on your own. But make sure that you follow up what advice you are given so that you feel less alone. I lost my husband to cancer over 9 months ago and I struggle with the loss. Your mother you say has had counselling and it didn't work. She may have got the wrong counsellor she couldn't work with. Keep trying different counsellors till she gets the right one. She will eventually move forward with the right person. She will also open up and be more co-operative with the right person. Please give us an update on what is happening for you after you have contacted the doctor and social services. Don't let anyone fob you off. You may have to fight for the help you need due to the failure in the caring services because of a lack of funding. Persevere till you are in a more comfortable place with the support you need.

Jan 29, 2013
Struggling with Mom's Grief
by: Pat

Dear Struggling,

This is scary. I think your mother might have slipped into a clinical depression. This is more than grief. I think you should try to get her to a doctor right away. She may made need hospitalization. This must be awful for you. You have lost you father and are watching your mother slip away too. Please get her to a doctor as soon as possible. It will help you, too. I know you feel lost, trying to figure out how to help your mother, while coping with your own grief. I feel your pain. I am dealing with my own losses. However, your mother seems to be dealing with much more than loss. I hope you can get her more help as soon as possible. Let me know how it goes.

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