26 years of marriage..OVER

by Dee
(Port Orange, FL)

I was with my soon to be ex husband since I was 17. Married at 19 and this year I have found out that he had a barmaid girlfriend he bought $1,000 of jewelry for Christmas and Valentines Day and we separated for about 4 months when I found this out and confronted him. He said she was only a friend someone he could talk to. (I am such an idiot)I took him back after 4 months separated went to marriage counseling and stupid me caught him cheating AGAIN with another barmaid who is 4 years older then our daughter and I found the text message to her that read: I love you so much I dream of us together and I will take care of you and your kids unbelievable. I knew my marriage was over two weeks prior to this when he came home drunk on our 26th Anniversary. I also got laid off from my job a week before this and had moved into another bedroom of the house. Well, let's just say I was at rock bottom and took a bottle of Xanax pills at 2:30 in the afternoon and didn't want to wake up. But, because God didn't like my plan I woke up and his drunk ass had just came home at 2:30am and I took his cell phone out of his hands and read this text to her. If I wasn't still doped up on the Xanax I would be typing this from a jail cell right now because I would have killed him with my bare hands.
I spent a month in bed because I couldn't pull it together. My family and friends have rotated thru my house and without them I wouldn't be here because the alternative is what I wish for daily. I don't want to be in the shoes I am wearing and can't believe the man I gave my heart and soul to so many years ago could hurt me so bad.
Everyone says time will heal the pain but I can't stop the tears from flowing. I have been to a few doctors and all the medicine in the world isn't going to help how I feel. I speak to my minister and all the words everyone says to me can't stop the pain my heart is feeling. I know I am not the first divorcee or the last I just don't know how to feel good about myself again.

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Dec 05, 2011
I hate my life
by: Dee

I don't know how to get the words everyone tells me into my head. I hate wallowing in my own grief, I don't like being with me. I am so angry I wish he was dead. Death would be easier then this divorce. I look at Sandra Bullock as inspiration but I have so much history and memories I can't get past. Why would he be so cruel to me when I loved him with all my heart and soul.

Dec 02, 2011
Best it's Over
by: Judith in California

Dee, you begin right here and now. You admitted your mistakes and know you now must get off the pills and buck up and show your kids what you're made of. Then tell that no good EX of yours that he is a terrible role model for his children and that you want nothing to do with him other than the fact you two will have to co-parent your children and do what is best for them and put your personal issues aside and let the courts decide those matters.

You must be strong and mentally aware at all times to take care of those children. They don't need a doped up Mom who feels sorry for herself over a louse of a husband.

Your Children need to see you stand up to the obstacles to come and feel safe and loved. You can't fall apart over someone not worthy. You're worth the effort now get going one step at a time.

God be with you now and keep him close by to gather strength to move forward.

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