26 yrs down the tube

by Peggy
(Lake Charles, La. usa)

I didn't see it coming. I thought we had a strong marriage. All I ever wanted was to be loved. He's been gone over 2 yrs now. He abandoned me, our 3 kids and 6 grandkids. He treats me like dirt and ignores the kids. The divorce has been bitter. I still think he has a medical problem. I don't know how a person can change so much almost overnight. All his values and morals went out the window. One day we were happy and the next he is cheating with his first wife. They were married for 4 yrs when he was 22. She cheated on him several times and had a baby by another man while separated from him. He hated her for years and would not allow her name mentioned. She has cheated on every man she has been with. She was married to her 4th husband when she started contacting my husband. Stupid me, I answered the phone the 1st time she called and handed him the phone. I trusted him so was shocked to later learn they were phoning and texting each other for weeks after that. Then one night he stayed out all night. I had no way of knowing that she was in town for a visit and had rented a motel room. I learned that from her husband a couple months after. She has threaten me and my kids with murder and burning down my home. He has blamed everything on me. Said he did not love me anymore and didn't know if he had ever loved me. He sure hid it well for 25 yrs. He moved out on December 9th, 2009. The holidays were horrible. The kids and grandkids were hurt and confused because they never saw us fighting. I never knew he was unhappy. He had become moody, forgetful, tired, had night sweats and other medical issues but divorce or separation was never even spoken of. But of course he refused to go see a doctor. The kids and I went out of town to my grandmother's funeral. I called him to let him know that we were on our way home and he then tells me on the phone he was leaving. Before we got home, he had packed and moved out. It was not until the day after Christmas that I found them together at her brother's home. I bounced the phone bill against addresses and found her brothers address. Until then I believed him when he said there was not another woman and that he just needed some time to think. I can't believe I trusted him so much to be totally blindsided. All he could say for himself is "Well the cat is out of the bag now". Our divorce was granted on valentines day this year and the property settlement was done only 2 months ago. He is now demanding tools and such after 2 plus years. He wanted a no fault divorce but I refused. I sued on adultery and won. I got the house and alimony until death or remarriage. Yet he gets to control my life still. I cannot have a man live with me or marry for I will loose the alimony. I have to trust he will put the money in my bank on the 1st and 15th. I owe a small fortune in attorney fees. He has lied to me and the court over and over. He has perjured himself in court. I had to prove to the court that I was a good wife and did not cause him to leave. He married or should say remarried the two timing husband stealer in September. I found out by doing a name search on the computer and found a marriage lic issued to the two of them. It was a real kick to the stomach. Two weeks after he married her, I sent him a text telling him I still loved him and he could still come home if he wanted to. Of course I did not know he was married and he certainly did not let me know. He did respond by text to say he was not coming home but left out the part about him being married. Her daughter is a prostitute. She convinced him her daughter was really his by saying she drugged him one night and took his sperm and impregnated herself with it. Thirty years ago that was next to impossible. He still ignores the kids and grandkids and treats me like dirt. He now wants me to leave our property for a day so he can come take whatever he wants. I have refused so now I am selfish and a bitch. I have back problems so I can no longer work so now I must live on a fraction of the income we shared. I waited on him to come home for 2 yrs because I still loved him. I have been a doormat and blamed myself for months. I feel like a failure as a wife and mother because now the husband, father and grandfather is gone. In my heart, I know that I was a good, loving and devoted wife and the real problem is his. He said it was his time to have a life. I supported him over the years when he would be unemployed. The job he has now, I got for him through my contacts. I just turned 60 in October. I'm scared to have to start my life over at this age. I am so lonely but can not see my self dating or being sexual with another man. This was the 2nd marriage for both of us. My 1st was 11 yrs to a abusive husband. I doubt I can trust another man. Perhaps one day I will be able to move on. But for now, I still cry often and ask God why? What did I do to deserve this pain? Regardless of what he says now, I know we were in love and it was special. Right now he refuses to talk to me. The few times we spoke in person, he could not even look at me. I'm so tired of his lies and his poor me attitude. All our friends are shocked. They all say that we were the last couple they would have thought this would happen to. He now has nothing to show for his life. He is living in another man's home. Our kids no longer want anything to do with him. He has no friends. His parents are deceased. How can he trust a woman that cheats often and lies constantly, who says she drugged him and raped him? How long will this pain last? Will he ever return to normal? Will that relationship last very long? Will he ever take the blame for his actions? Will he ever remember our love? Will I ever be able to trust another man? Will I die alone? Will I ever be able to laugh again? So many questions and so few answers. For a private chat, I can be reached by email: kenpeg2@bellsouth.net.

Comments for 26 yrs down the tube

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Dec 23, 2011
by: peggy

You are correct that I should turn my back on him but it is so hard when I still care for him. I know getting back together would never work because of everything he has done and said. I grieve for what we had and not who he is now. I feel it is a matter of time before he splits with that evil woman and I hope I live to see it. I think he needs to feel the pain he has caused me, my children and grandchildren, only then will he know how wrong he behaved. I know it is not Godly to gloat when it happens but damn it will make me feel better. LOL Her x just remarried this month. He wasted no time getting his divorce once he learned of her cheating with my husband. He said she was a miserable person to live with. He was glad she left and my x will be sorry some day.

Dec 23, 2011
Learn to Say NO
by: Judith

Peggy, My oh My! How Horrible your story is. We just never know about a person do we? We only know what they show us.
Please stop thinking you love him...For every question you have about him ask yourself Why would I still want his abusive, cheating, controlling person in my life? Once the divorce is final you owe him nothing and he can't force you out so he can pick up whatever he wants just because he asked. You must get control of you and just say NO to any request of his unless the court ordered it. It's a shame you still have to have him in your life but you still must co-parent those children. Since he is a liar you will never know what he has ever done or will do.
There are worse things than being alone and that's being with him or anyone like him. The last things you should be thinking right now are all those questions at the end of your blog. You have to get right with yourself and get back your self respect and refuse to ever choose another man like him .

Just thank God and greyhound he's gone.

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