27 years together, how do I survive?
Bill and I met 27 years ago; it was instant love we were engaged in two weeks. Our life together had heaps of ups and downs. We started businesses and lost; Bill ran national organizations but then got sick. I supported Bills dreams his goals, how do I know what I want now? Financially I am crippled, I get annoyed at how Bill left us, and I know I shouldn’t get angry at him but I am so scared, the house hasn’t sold yet it’s been 9 weeks and I’ve dropped the price by 20k and still it’s not sold.
The journey we were on was so scary it began 5 years ago with a major back operation followed by triple bypass followed by another back operation and then Bill was diagnosed in July 2011 with Kidney cancer; he had the kidney removed and chemo, experimental drugs another back operation as the cancer had got into his bones but no his body couldn’t cope.
My deepest regret is not being there when you finally left… I didn’t know this was it after so many times in hospital I thought it was just another time. First I started counting the days and now the weeks I can’t believe that life still goes on without you - 18 weeks! Why didn’t someone tell me…. if I had known I would have stayed with you every second. I crave holding your hand, the only thing we could do because the pain was so bad. Why, why did this happen what about our plans our hopes wishes… now what do I do?
I cannot think of the future beyond tomorrow, my life’s direction has been changed and where it will go I do not know?