28 years of Love

by Linda Gibbs
(Middleburg, OH, USA)

Its been 3 months since my son passed away. The first 2 months I functioned normally, I cried and I missed him but I was busy with the Holidays and the fact my daughter just had a baby and I was helping her alot because her husband was out of town working.

I now however have unbearable pain and anxiety, hard to sleep, my short term memory is gone. I miss him so much, he has two little boys that we watch often and that seems to be the only time I get relief.

I've been advised to go to a grieving group, but I feel like I'm just not ready. I really just want to be alone for right now. I never lost a child so I have no idea if the things I'm feeling are normal.....which also worries me. Anyone who could give me some feedback....I would be so grateful. Thanks and Blessings, Linda in Ohio

Comments for 28 years of Love

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Oct 20, 2010
Dear Linda
by: Anonymous

I would love to keep in touch with you, having started this journey a few years ago and I have learned so much. You may contact me at impossiblejoy@yahoo.com. Gracie

Oct 20, 2010
Feelings
by: John B

There are no rules for grieving. I'm burying my oldest son today. Not ready to tell the story but I think this site is therapeutic, sorry if I misspell. My son was 31. I pray for all of you to somehow heal.

Aug 11, 2010
hurting heart
by: Anonymous

My daughter passed away 3 months ago and my heart still hurts so much for her. It is hard to explain to people who haven't been through this. She was diagnosed with Cancer and lasted 2 weeks. I know I still haven't come to term with it. I feel I could use grief counseling at some point, but I'm just not ready. It is good to read that that is normal. I don't know what is anymore. I still have a daughter and son and grandchildren. They and my friends are what keeps me going. I pray for you all.

Apr 11, 2010
Newbie
by: Linda Church

I just lost my 28 year old son on April 3, 2010.
I know the pain you feel. May I join you in the recovery process. Some days are so lonely without him. I can say no more now-the sorrow is too fresh.
My thoughts are with you.

Jan 21, 2010
Loss hurts
by: Anonymous

Dear 28,

How I ache for you. I too, lost a son 4 years ago. You remind me so much of myself. The pain is excrutiating! I didn't think I could last a week. My husband says it is the hardest job he's ever had to do and he's right. We know it happens, but we don't want to think it could be us.

I believe that God gives us these stages. First we are numb and it is a good thing or I think our child's death could be our demise. I cried for days on end until I was bone dry with nothing but sound coming out. For me, it still hurts a lot, but it is not constant or as hurtful. I still sometimes dream about him being alive, but I know he's not. He's asleep and at peace. The Bible refers to death as sleep and that comforts me.

About counseling. We thought we should do that. Afterall, we were in grief. I personally found it hard. Even the kindest person will ask questions and expect answers. It depends on how you feel at the time, which varies from visit to visit. We saw 2 different counselors at different times and we also went to Survivors of Suicide meetings - at two months. The lady there looked so surprised. We had no idea that most people don't go that soon, but we hurt so badly!

We found this place to be the sanctuary we needed. There was no pressure to talk, but if others are there, some will tell their story. One can put faces and hearts on statistics and see that other people go through simular pain and we found it a blessing to spend that hour together.

Yes, my son died by suicide, so this may not fit you. Compassionate Friends is a group for families who have lost children to any cause. I have not attended this group as of yet. I know I have written way too much but it seems to flow when I get on this subject.

Give yourself time. Do what feels right to you and not what others tell you. They can only do what is right for them, too. Surround yourself with those who speak to your needs - perhaps listeners or doers or backrubbers.

My prayers are with you. I no longer believe the saying "time heals all wounds". Personally, I have come to believe that time takes the edge off the pain. Intensity will vary from day to day. Allow it to be so.

Gracie

Jan 17, 2010
Thankd HH
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your comment HH; you're very thoughtful and your comment was helpful. I appreciate it very much !! Blessings!

Jan 14, 2010
going through it too.
by: Hope

Linda,

I Lost My husband a month and a half ago. When family and friends came over days after his death, I was the busy bee caring for them, functioning on auto pilot. I suppose that was the numbness stage that they talk about. And how I yearn for that, now fits of grief overwhelm me when memories hit me in the face like a shovel.

You're not crazy, just crazy with grief. Give yourself a break; it's not easy. Keep reading and go to a grief counselor when you're ready, not when people tell you to. Keep on talking to friends and family that has a good ear, bend it and don't let anyone tell you how to grieve.

You're going through a normal maddening process. Good days and bad. I hope that eventually the good days will bring good memories of who we loved, and not pain. Best of luck; for I am in your shoes...HH

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