29 Year Love

by Nichelle Lewis-Harper
(Atlanta, GA)

I met my husband when I was 12 years old and he was 13. He always made me laugh. We talked on the phone until the early morning hours almost every day. We remained friends through his 2 previous marriages. I have loved him since 1981.

We were married in 2007 and he cried during his vows. I never thought I would get married. But there I was with the man I had measured every other man in my life since him. He consumed at least 48oz. of beer every day. He had been to the hospital a couple of years ago and was given a few options on what would happen if he continued to drink hard liquor vs. not at all.

He continued to drink. I was constantly telling him he was killing himself over the past 5 years. A lot of arguing and fights about alcohol. His belief was, he would out live all of us (concerned friends and family). He bet me that he would. Well on February 15, 2010 he lost that bet.

What do I win? A gaping hole in my heart, constant tears, weeping at any given moment. I don't want to be the winner. I know I could not have done any more than I did, but I still blame myself. This is unreal. I believe in God, and know that he has a plan. But at this moment I cannot get with the plan. This sucks!

I miss my husband! We were planning a vow renewal in 2011 because all our family and friends were not there when we got married. We had a civil ceremony with no time to get everyone there. Now I am receiving emails and reminders about a ceremony that will never take place.

Now what? I pray for continued strength and peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!