3 years later.

I lost my dad to COPD on May 29,2011. He was 64 years old. I was 23.

My dad was the hardest working man I knew. He was really intelligent and creative. He had a great sense of humor and everyone who met him, loved him.

I've been working as a nurse's assistant since I was 20. Working with the elderly, I am familiar with the process of dying.

2 years before he passed away, my dad was diagnosed with COPD. He had already lost 70% of his lung function. He was on a slew of inhalers and oxygen 24/7. He was forced to retire early. For a year after he retired, he would still go up to his shop to help out. Stubborn:)
He was admitted to the hospital and put on a ventilator 3 times over course of those 2 years. I watched him suffer. Cough. Struggle for air. The strongest man I knew, looked terrified.

The 3rd time he was admitted, he never came home. He was put on a ventilator. 3 days later a hospice nurse came in to speak with us. She said my dads lungs were not able to function on their own anymore. There was nothing else they could do for him. My dad was placed on hospice and the decision to remove the ventilator was made 2 days later. The nurse said that it would be quick after the ventilator was removed. She was wrong. My dad was strong, and a fighter. We watched him struggle for 23 hours after that vent was removed. Holding his hand, and him squeezing and looking us in the eye assuring us it would be okay.(he was able to speak) He didn't want to be kept alive by machines. After 23 long, horrendous hours my dad took his last breath. I have never had such a feeling of hollow, deep, sadness.

3 years later, I am still struggling. It has gotten easier, but not much. I feel like I can barely remember the sound of his voice anymore...and that's the hardest part.

Comments for 3 years later.

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Mar 25, 2014
Feel the same
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry to read about your father. I lost my father in January 2013 - he died suddenly from cardiac arrest. There was no chance to say goodbye- he died in an instant. I was very close to my father, and saw him almost every day. This past year has been so hard, but at times I thought I was getting through it. The overwhelming sadness has come back though, and I now find myself anxious because I can't remember his voice, or I can't picture him exactly the way he was. I cling to these memories, and it worries me that they may slowly be fading. It is so hard, and such a long, long road - know you are not alone. I hope you can continue to heal and I wish you peace. Barb

Mar 24, 2014
Grieving mom.
by: Leti

I'm sorry for your lose, I too lost my father in 2006, he too was a hard worker and always took care of his family. I miss him so. Time does heal. But then om Sept, 14, 20012 I lose my wonderful first born son in a car accident. He had a heart attack and never arrival to work. He was the best single father of 5 beautiful well respected and well manner children. He devoted his free time with them in sports and practice, homework school events, you name it he did it. I will never forget tha painful message that my son died insteadly om the fwy to work. He worked for the City of Los Angeles and was 1 st. Inspector for all the playgrounds to be safe for children. He was a very humble and loving son. It's been two years since I've loss him and not a day goes by that I talk to him and pray and keep the faith going with his children. I have this huge hole in my heart and I beg each day our lord will continue to keep me moving forward for his children. It's a mothers worst nightmare. I'm a surgical scrub nurse and have experience death, but when it's yours your whole world collospe. It's so un nature for any parent to have to bury your own child. I pray for all of us to be able to ease that pain in our hearts that aches all the time. God be with you and hold on to our lord. I do believe we will be reunited with them again. May god bring you comfort to everyone in this horrible club that none of us want to be in. God bless you. Leti

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