30 year love of my life, my husband

he died 19 days ago and all i do alot of is cry for him alot of the time. at first all i did alot of was crying because he died but now im at the angry stage of why did he leave me. he had prostate cancer and it went to liver and brain. he was 59 years of age. too young to die that's why im mad now, at least it stopped the crying. i know i will make it. i am strong and i have a plan for the future. i am 63 and i plan on going to the senior center for meals, take bereavement classes, go back to college and volunteer, i will also speak to a case worker to get what i need to survive. even with all of this i wonder what will happen to me in the future, to me its very frightening being alone after 30 years. feel like life just stold my most precious thing in the world.

Comments for 30 year love of my life, my husband

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Mar 14, 2012
I relate and feel your pain
by: Kathleen

My Husband and I were married 28 years and he recently passed on 23 days ago. We did not know he was sick, no symptons, only complained of being more tired than usual. He fell one morning after getting out of the shower. I could not get him up,so I called 911. After many test they found he had stage 4 cancer of the brain and it was throughout his body. He was a healthy, young looking 73 years old and I am just turn 65. We always felt we had 10 years or more of life left to spend togeather, had retired and plan to enjoy and grow old together. I am totaly lost without him and find it hard to wrap my head around how quickly he passed, 5 days after being told he had cancer. I am grateful he did not know he had cancer and only suffer two days in pain, but I find it hard to go on with everyday life with him gone. My brother brought me a book "Into the light" by John Lerma, M.D. It is written by a Hospice Doctor as to what he has experience working with people that are close to the end of their life. It has given me some comfort. I understand how you feel and hope that all who is facing this tragic moment in our lives with find peace in time and know we will be re-united with our love ones, the question is how to go on without our soulmate. We will all find a way to cope and in time I sure the healing will start and get a little easier.

Mar 13, 2012
by: TOMI

I understand how you feel... I also lost my husband back on August 18, 2011... Almost seven months now... And I'm still scared... Randy and I were only together for less than nine years, but he was my soul mate... Randy had a massive heart attack and was gone within hours... No health problems... Time does help... The crying fades... Until one day, you're start crying all over again... My email address: tomi2450@gmail.com if you would like to speak... I can't take away the pain... But I can listen... Tomi

Mar 13, 2012
30 year love of my life
by: Pat J.

It is only 9 days; you will get through this, we all do. Our loving God, along ith our husband watching over us, we do get through it, one day at a time; sometimes a moment at a time.
I lost the love of my life, my husband of 46 years, on June 27,2011, the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. He died of a massive heart attack sitting on the edge of the bed. Our bodygoes into a survivor mode-that's what I call it. We just do what we have to do. You will get through this.
I was 64 when my husband died. I met him at the age of 15 and we married when I was 18. I went from the se urity of my parents to the security of my husband. Now 46 years later it is no longer we, just me. We have 5 adult children and 10 grandchildren; yet there were times I felt so alone.
I joined a grief support group through my church and I met three other widows. We really klicked and have formed a strong friendship. We all say our husbands must be spending alot of time together in heaven for us to have gotten to be so close. We never knew each other before our husbands died and now since the first week of October, we feel like we have always known each other. We do things together. I always told them I was never out of the state of Wisconsin. For my 65th birthday they took me to a place in Michigan for dinner. Talk about crazy; we left Green Bay at 2:45 p.m. and I got back home at 11:30 p.m. They said, Pat, look at the sign; it read welcome to Michigan.
It is not an easy journey. I feel I will always have this ache in my heart for my husband. I still cry at 8 1/2 months. I don't think the tears will ever really go away ever. We have our memories to cherish and no one can take them away.
He was a part of my life fpr almost 50 years. Death; he is just in another place and someday I will be with him again. I miss everything about him. Was our life perfect-no; but we did love each other and did everything together; so being on my own is challenging; but I am doing it.
My favorite saying is-I AM FAKING IT UNTIL I CAN MAKE IT. Hopefully one day, I won't be faking it.
Come to this site. I come to it everyday. I have been on it since the first week my husband died. I don't always comment, but I am always reading everyones story. We all have a bond; we lost a loved one.
God Bless You! We all understand oh so well.

Mar 13, 2012
feeling your pain
by: Anonymous

So sorry for your loss. Your story caught my attention because it is very similar to mine. I am 64 and I lost my husband of almost 30 years. It is so painful to lose a spouse-it is a pain that you cannot even describe to anyone. Losing a spouse is also like being on a roller coaster. One day you will feel extreme sadness, the next day you will feel anger at God, your spouse for leaving you, and just about everybody in the world who seems happy.I have not had any really happy times since he died, but I have days that are not so bad. The support of my friends, family, and the people on this website has helped a lot. Days will be pretty scary sometimes handling things alone. Be strong and look for help and support when you need it. Joanne

Mar 13, 2012
Take Time For Grief
by: Judith in California

You can't think of the future right now. It's only been 19 days. Just take it one breath, one minute , one day at a time. You have a long way to go for the peace you need for this. Grieving is an emotional roller coaster ride and so many different feeling s will overtake you. And just when you think you're okay, BAM! you're back grieving like it is day one. Give yourself time . Your plans are good ideas but you need more time to adjust to it all.

It's been 18 months for me and tears happen when I least expect them tho I'm doing okay most days now. There is a whole new world out there. I thought I could just go on like I was 35 years younger but the world changed those years I was married to him.

Read the letters here form those of us who have gone before you to gain some insight as to what you'll be experiencing.

Take care and do ask God for strength to see you through.

Mar 13, 2012
All Those Years......
by: TrishJ

Losing my husband 15 months ago is the hardest thing I've ever faced in this life. We were married for 37 years. I was 19 when we met.
I went through the angry phase also. I was so mad at him for not taking better care of himself. He suffered so but his illness was something he brought on by smoking three packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years.
Crying is good for our souls. Don't try to keep your feelings in. We have to go through all of the unwanted emotions.
Our husbands will always be with us. You will find this grief journey is a huge roller coaster ride. One day up ~ the next day down.
Keep busy and be with people who understand you and are in your corner. Grieving can be lonely.
God bless.

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