30 years

by Melissa Griffin
(Syracuse, ny)

I was 7 and he was 11. I'm now 37 and it's been 30 years.

I can't explain my grief. All I know is it still hurts. Some days more than others.

I'm married now, with two children of my own. My husbands cousin just lost her son. He was 7.

This death, of a boy so young, is bringing up all kinds of pain. I don't want to be selfish and think about myself and my pain. They just lost their son. I cannot imagine their grief. Except I can. I remember what it did to my parents when my brother died. I remember such indescribable pain. I remember the tears. I remember the funeral. The funeral that I couldn't process. Saying goodbye to someone I barely knew but should have. Again, I was only 7.

How do I recover from my pain? It's been 30 years. Why is it still so fresh in my memory? Why won't it let me go?

Comments for 30 years

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Sep 15, 2014
30 years
by: Doreen UK

Melissa the reason you are thinking of your feelings is because you did not deal with the grief and loss of your brother at 7yrs. of age. You were too young to process your loss and your parent's grief. You cousin's loss of her son has triggered off all your pain and brought it to the surface. This is good because you can now deal with it. It will feel more painful because it was locked up for 30yrs. The best you can do for yourself is to go and see a counsellor for support. They are trained to bring things to the surface that has been locked up for years. You may not be aware of how trapped feelings and grief can limit one's life and stop one moving on better in life. You owe it to yourself no matter how old you are to try and resolve this pain from the past. You won't be happy till you do and you won't be able to explore your life in a better way which may have limited your life in all these 30yrs. I have done this grief work and so knows it can work better for you if you don't ignore your grief and what is happening in your life to cause you such pain 30yrs. later. You will recover from this grief and become a stronger person as a result of dealing with this grief.

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