318 Days ~ but we loved a lifetimes worth

(Wakefield, UK)

He told me within the first hour of our Skype meeting that he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, but the fact that I had dreamt of him 6 years before and had been searching for him since made that statement moot. We fell in love instantly and the depth of our commitment was intense and full. We had both come in shattered from 56 years of bad relationships and we were looking for the same thing ~ that one person that would love us completely and unconditionally and prove to one another that we were WORTHY of that love.

5 months later I was his full-time caregiver, but he was the strongest, most determined man I had ever met... he never gave up hope and neither did I. Two days before he left, he rallied and opened the door for me to our balcony and sat with me and kissed me over and over and repeated, "I love you. I will never leave you." When he got back in bed an hour later, it would be for good.

We were alone when he died in my arms. It was the way we both wanted it. He was a celebrity and didn't want anyone around when he made his final performance almost exactly a month ago.

We had just 318 days. But they were filled with a love that can never die.

All I want now is to be with him ~ and I don't care where that is. I feel cheated and blessed at the same time for I would never, for any amount of relief, give up one of those 318 days.

I've described him in many ways on tribute pages and blogs. but the one that keeps coming to me is that he is my "home"...

and I want to go home.

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