37 years of an almost perfect marriage

by Patricia
(Mount Barker SA Australia)

My husband of 37 years left me 7 years ago for a much younger woman in the Philippines. He just left with just a note which sounded like he was going to harm himself because he was feeling guilty about the cyber affairs. I contacted the police and they stopped their investigation when they found out that he had left the country. I then contacted the consular assitance department. After 5 months I found him and started talking to him via the pc.I have been trying to pay off a fairly large credit card debt we incurred when we were running a business. I had to negotiate a full time position with the company I was working for.I have had counselling and been on a couple of different anti-depressants. I have finally got off the anti-depressants as of last week . My arthritis became worse so I asked for my long service leave. The following day my landlord told me he was going to demolish the house I was renting so my weekly rent in any new place was going to be more than I was paying.
After all that and him badly hurting our adult Aboriginal boys whom we adopted,I still find I love him hurt like hell almost everyday and wish with all my heart that he was back here.

Comments for 37 years of an almost perfect marriage

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Nov 20, 2012
37 years of an almost perfect marriage.
by: Doreen U.K.

Patricia this is a hard battle you are in and been left holding.
I was married 44yrs. and my husband died 6 months ago of cancer and I miss him. The longer one is married it hurts. So I can understand how you feel. I am so glad you had counselling and now off anti-depressants. There is nothing you can do to salvage your marriage. Your husband left you and hasn't returned you need to grieve this loss and look out for yourself in how you can move forward with new relationships that are meaningful and bring you the happiness you deserve. It hurts badly when you think that you have reached an age when you get older and enjoy quality time together and your husband walk out and leaves you for someone else. Marriages today are struggling to survive and many people are either divorcing or moving away from their marriage. It is sadly becoming a statistic. You had counselling and should be in a better place to have moved forward from this pain and sadness and loss of a marriage. Perhaps it may just take time for you to realise that you are not going to get your husband back and you have to make the best life you can for yourself. I had an uncle who left my aunt with 7 children and lived with another woman for over 30yrs. When she died. My uncle went back to see my aunt and wanted her to take him back. He then had to develop a relationship with his 7 children he abandoned. I don't think I would have been able to receive the man let alone talk to him. this is not unforgiveness but justifiable anger. "How dare you insult me by asking this of me." They have both passed away now. The 7 cousins got to know their dad and tried to build up a relationship with him before he died. There will always be ANGER around for this type of behaviour. You will have to process this for yourself. How do you want to go on in life? Why can't you let your husband go emotionally and mentally and find yourself another man who will care for you in the way you need. I hope it works out for you.


Nov 20, 2012
Patricia
by: Anonymous

Patricia, you don't wish a non-caring , thoughtless, hurtful man back in your life. The hurt he caused you he did without any consideration whatsoever to your feelings, your hopes and dreams or your adoptive children feelings.

What you are missing is what you thought you had and what you hoped it would be ...not what really was. You're feeling overwhelmed with all that is happening to you and you want that feeling of security you had when he was strong with you.
You want to become stringer and move forward not backweards. Get more education to take care of you and your children and look ofrward to maybe one day meeting someone who will respect you and your feelings.

HE would just come back and do it again whenever he feels like it.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage because people aren't perfect.

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