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4 losses in 2 years and I have moved from anger to indifference...

by Christine
(Vancouver)

My loss and grief started just over 2 years ago when my oldest brother passed away from a brain aneurysm at the age of 41. A year after that my step-brother took his life at the age of 36. Six months after that I nursed my father-in-law of 20 years and supported the family (I have not been with his son for 8 years, but we were still close)in his final days and he was 65. Finally, 6 weeks ago my father passed away at the age of 72 from a heart attack. I barely knew that man. I met him at my brother's funeral 2 years. Prior to that I did not know him at all.

I feel indifferent. People keep telling me to grieve and let it out. I feel so overwhelmed with all this loss I don't know what to do?! I am tired, exhausted and move in and out of anger.

I have a beautiful daughter to finish raising, a great career, and a great life, but right now I am angry, sad, or indifferent(each emotion rotates through me).

Comments for
4 losses in 2 years and I have moved from anger to indifference...

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Consider help
by: Anonymous

Dear Christine,
Please consider getting professional help. You losses are so overwhelming partially because they came so close and "stacked up." Each one needs to be fully grieved--not only the loss itself, but what might have been (as in the relationship with your father). Best wishes. . .there is hope!
the emotions and non emotions of grief
by:

Christine,

Grief is not gas, you can't let it out at a will. Especially all the grief that you have experienced. It Has to be over whelming your mind tries to function but goes "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" instead.

My husband had a brain aneurysm so even hearing the word brings be back to a memory that I would rather not have. I will say that you do have to go through grief, you can't go around it,over it or under it. It must be faced and you may well be doing exactly that. The range of emotions you describe is grief.

Grief is a huge roller coaster of emotions that scare and frustrate the crap outta all of us. Just as we think that we have grief figured out and that we are doing better down we hit a memory and we spiral downward again.

I guess the grief ride reaches the end when we have more good days than bad. I do not think that we ever "Get over it" we live this New life, The life that we did not want to is here to stay anyway. Certain days, things, memories or even seasons will bring a frustration because it is an Oh lordy here we go again! When is this going to be over?!!

I guess we do adapt somewhat. There is no other way to go. The past is too painful and the future begins to feel as if it will be o.k It's the getting there that is the hard part.

Going on 2 years this Dec and I STILL Miss hubby. I guess I always will, But I am just beginning to get excited about the change of the seasons. The upcoming holidays promise a smile instead of eternal misery. Yeah it is still scary but life always was, just more so now right? Come here often and know that you are not alone...We DO get it. We know the grief has no time line and is so very personal no two griefs are alike. Yet we understand the emotions that go with it.
HH
Indifference
by: Anonymous

Wow. And I thought I lost alot. In April of 2009 I lost my mother after a 7 year battle with colon cancer. Two months after her death, my 45 year old husband was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma, and was dead 13 months later, leaving me with a 3 1/2 yr old daughter to raise alone, and a very angry and hurt 12-yr-old son. It has been s little over a year since he passed away, and I guess the realization that neither one of them is coming back has just hit me full-force, because I find myself going through the emotions again. Anger, indifference, confusion, forgetfulness, overwhelming sadness, on, and on. It comes and goes in waves. I believe this is a normal part of the grieving process, but the pain is unbearable at times, and takes your breath away. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Kathy

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