4 Years since losing my mum , does it get easier?

by Beth
(UK)

Mum (right) and nan on mothers day 2008

Mum (right) and nan on mothers day 2008

My Mum was a very happy person whos family fulfilled her. I am the only daughter and was told I couldn't have children, so when we were blessed with a girl then a boy she could not have been more proud. Life was beautiful and she adored her grandchildren and our relationship seemed to grow from being mum and daughter to so much more.
My Mum had her own Bar with my stepdad and they worked a lot so used to have three holidays a year. March 2008 came and it was time for a well deserved break for both of them. The last day I saw my mum was my 29th birthday, which also turned out to be mothers day.
I spoiled her as usual, lol. The next day she went off on holiday and for some much needed relaxation. Wednesday of their first week away came. I came home from taking the children bowling and the phone was ringing, it was my nan. She could barely speak so passed the phone to my brother and he told me that mum was gone. I refused to believe him, I thought it was some sick joke, mum was only 46, she could not be dead. I threw the phone at the wall and screamed and my husband came into the room and picked up the phone and spoke to my brother. I immediately felt numb, cheated and angry, my mum gone. We drove to my nan and grampys house and with great concern for my nan had to consider a doctor to sedate her as she suffers with palpatations and bad heart. I could not believe they had to deal with the loss of their child. My stepdad had gone to the local shop in Lanzarote to get the morning papers while mum was having coffee in bed, the walk takes 10 minutes there and back, when he came home he heard a gurgling sound from the bathroom and mum was on the floor, she had gone. It was 28 days, 2 postmortems and a lot of spanish translation later that we finally managed to fly her home and lay her to rest. I did not see mum when she passed, I did not get to say goodbye. The inquest finally came 18 months after her death only to tell us that it was a heart attack. I feel no closure and I still feel cheated. I dont think I have dealt with it at all, I have been concentrating on my family and went on a self destruct for a while but soon snapped out of that for my childrens sake. I love my mum so much and miss her every day xxx

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May 11, 2012
a years losing my mom ,does it get easier?
by: Anonymous

hey to tell the truth it seems like it does not get any easier,i lost my mom five years a go but i still cry about it, there are days when the pain feel so fresh that i cry myself to sleep. people do not help at all especially when they say it will be okay because they do not understand that it will never be okay, all we need is not words but rather a hug just for them to show that they care and they understand the things we do to show our grief but does not say they understand what we are going through..

May 01, 2012
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by: Beth

Hi, I know it feels like someone has ripped out your heart. I do have to say that sometimes it feels easier but then something happens with one of the children and I want to call and tell her that they have won something or have achieved something and I actually have to stop myself dialling because for a moment its like she is still here, then I realise shes not. It is hard , we both seem young and it should not be this way growing up with no mum. I have had such a few years, first mum, then my beautiful grampy who was more like a dad to me, then my biological father, then father in law. I feel like i've been hit with a sledgehammer. What gives me strength is knowing that she would not want me so upset all the time, so every know and the I give myself a stern talking to and sort it out for a while. It is still early days for you, one day at a time is the best advice I can give. If you need to talk, please get in touch, It is very comforting to know that I am not alone , take care xxxx

Apr 30, 2012
Hi
by: Anonymous

U n I seem to have gone thru almost the same. M exactly ur age n lost my mom last year. N v unexpectedly. I don't thinking I have accepted the fact that she's gone. My life was so beautiful n now suddenly everything has gone wrong.I talk to her all the time. N every nIght I hope to see her in my dreams. GOD, I dint even know this much pain existed in a human heart. N it keeps growing more n more. M glad u have kids. N a brother. I have no kids n no siblings.

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