40 Year Delayed Grieving

by Jim
(Medford Oregon)

I was married back in 1970 to a beautiful young lady of 18 years old. I was 21. The marriage was rocky. Both of us had abusive parenting and we both suffered from insecurities and lack of self confidence.
After 3 years, I joined a cult and was swept away by the philosophy. This created more separation and conflict in our life. Finally one day, I moved out. We tried reconciliation, but I ended up leaving on "mission" around the world. 3 years later, I got remarried to a woman also in the cult; and raised 3 children.
Now, it is 40 years later. My kids are grown and I decided to reconnect to my former wife to make amends. But when I saw the Facebook page and pictures of my wife of 40 years ago---it brought forth a flood of emotion. I realized that I had never grieved for the loss of this relationship. And probably, my former wife has carried anger and resentment for decades--even though she remarried and also had kids.
So today, my mourning process has started so that it can go through the process. My goal is also to convey to my former wife my sorrow and remorse about I allowed my love to be shrouded in a spiritual dream of saving the world. I'm sure that we will emerge more wiser, deeper, and richer for all of the pain I helped to generate.

Comments for 40 Year Delayed Grieving

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May 30, 2014
40 Years Delayed Grieving
by: Doreen UK

Jim Good on You for taking responsibility to try to make the effort to right some of the wrongs of the past.
It is only as we get older and develop some Wisdom and Maturity that we can see clearly what mistakes we made. WE often don't have that MATURITY level when we are younger to do it right. Part of being human.
Grief is a strange experience, It is so painful and we are trying to cope with and understand it and never quite know if we have grieved to the point of Healing.
By the time we have reared our children and made all the mistakes, we can often be reminded of, we could earn our STRIPES for having done OUR BEST. My brother-in-law never grieved the loss of his parents over 30yrs, ago. He is doing it now. I have myself seen clearly mistakes I have made, and done my best to backtrack and put some of these things right. Apologise where I need to. It is such a Peaceful feeling within us to try and resolve what we can. The rest we have to leave if the person has died. It is usually in our later years of life that unresolved grief starts pressing for resolution, and we have to deal with it if we are to continue in our life with Peace of mind. It is also a good feeling to know you are doing the right thing for the right reasons. Not everyone will accept our apologies, but it is important to know you have done the right thing. Taking responsibility for one's actions and hurt to other's whether intentional or not is a mark of MATURITY. Better late than never. I applaud you for what you are doing whether the apology is accepted or not it is still good to give it. Part of the "Unfinished Business" of life. WE owe it to ourselves also to FORGIVE OURSELVES for our past.
60yrs. later in our News was a report of an APOLOGY from countries involved in what was done in Pearl Harbour and Hiroshima. What a profound moment. Repentance is what God requires and God will also heal the land of countries that repent of misdeeds done. May life treat you well.

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