40 Year Delayed Grieving
I was married back in 1970 to a beautiful young lady of 18 years old. I was 21. The marriage was rocky. Both of us had abusive parenting and we both suffered from insecurities and lack of self confidence.
After 3 years, I joined a cult and was swept away by the philosophy. This created more separation and conflict in our life. Finally one day, I moved out. We tried reconciliation, but I ended up leaving on "mission" around the world. 3 years later, I got remarried to a woman also in the cult; and raised 3 children.
Now, it is 40 years later. My kids are grown and I decided to reconnect to my former wife to make amends. But when I saw the Facebook page and pictures of my wife of 40 years ago---it brought forth a flood of emotion. I realized that I had never grieved for the loss of this relationship. And probably, my former wife has carried anger and resentment for decades--even though she remarried and also had kids.
So today, my mourning process has started so that it can go through the process. My goal is also to convey to my former wife my sorrow and remorse about I allowed my love to be shrouded in a spiritual dream of saving the world. I'm sure that we will emerge more wiser, deeper, and richer for all of the pain I helped to generate.