40 years old is to young to go... I miss my husband.

by Karen
(WPB, Florida)

My husband Frank and I met when we were 18 years old. We became best friends and after 5 years it blossomed into something more. We got married and it was our 18 year anniversary this month. We had such a wonderful life together. So much laughter between us and our kids. I knew he loved me, I could see it in his eyes. And everyone could tell we loved each other very much. We enjoyed each other company that we did everything together. He was my best friend, my soul mate and husband. March 11, 2012 Frank passed away. We think it was a blood clot that cause his death. I woke one morning to his alarm going off on his cell phone but he wasn’t in bed which is nothing new because he always got up in the morning to take the dog out and smoke, but normally he would take his phone with him. But I didn’t think nothing of it and just hit snooze on it. When it went off again and he wasn’t back in the room I got up to go look for him. When I open the front door I found him face down on the ground. I called 911 and started CPR, I knew he was already gone but I didn’t want to admit it. I tried and tried and begged and cried for him to come back. But I couldn’t get him to come back. When the ambulance showed up I thought okay everything will be okay now they have the equipment to do it, but after an hour of them trying they told me the news. Everything became a fog after that. I was so in shocked. The first month I kept waiting for him to walk in the front door. I couldn’t go in my room, slept on the couch and eating was something I did not want to do. A month before Frank passed for some reason I got major anxiety, a feeling of dome. Like I was going to die for some reason. The doctor prescribed me anxiety medication then when Frank passed my anxiety is crazy now. I constantly feel like I’m going to die now. Like if it can happen to him it can happen to me without warning. The doctor had to prescribe me valium to help me sleep but after a month they switched it to xanax because the valium wasn’t helping me with my anxiety quick enough. Its been almost 5 months now and the meds are starting to work. But I’m scared to cry and let it out because I’m afraid my anxiety wont be able to handle it. Frank was a great guy, everyone loved him. He was a kind guy. He was the kind of guy who always wanted to do something to help someone out, specially around the holidays. Many times he would go thru a drive thru and pay for the car behind him. Or we would go out for dinner and pay someone elses tab, anonymously of course. I miss him so much. The loneliness is unbelievable. The house feels so empty. The laughter is gone. I miss his smile, I miss his hugs. I feel like a part of me is missing. Its hard coming home knowing that hes not here. Its been hard for me to come home and clean, cook and do the shopping or anything without him. I come home and pretty much lay on the couch.. My friends try to get me to get out and I do but it makes me so sad that I end up coming home early. My friends don’t know how to help me since they havent been thru this and I understand. And I don’t want to call on them because I know they have their own lifes and family. I just don’t know how to live my life without him. Its so hard. My boys have been great and try to do everything to help me and I am thankful for them. My oldest has taken better care of me than I have of them. I just don’t know how to take care of them if I cant take care of myself.

Comments for 40 years old is to young to go... I miss my husband.

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Mar 13, 2013
I Feel your pain
by: Gary

My Name is Gary and I lost my loving wife on Feb 2 2012. and it has been the hardest think I ever when through in my life. But it dose get easyer to cope with in time, she was only 43 yrs old and died of a brain anurisum, I was so in love with my wife. When she passed I wanted to die to. I could not take the pain. but I talked about it to people I know, and that helped me a great deal. the best thing to do is talk about it and not hold on to anything. if you need to talk to someone feel free to email me at gmangary49@gmail.com I have been in your shoes.
I wish the best for you Gary Z

Aug 02, 2012
:)
by: Your Best Friend

You're right.....We dont know how to help you. I am scared for you everday. I wish I could take the pain away, but I know I cant. I hope other people's stories help you and you can take baby steps to healing yourself. Frank was the best and we will always miss him. He was one of a kind!!!

I love you Karen, and I know your gonna be pissed at things I say, and sometimes I want to strangle you BUT you are my best friend for life and Im not going anywhere!!!

E

Aug 02, 2012
Your Soul Mate
by: John Pitts

Karen, you have lost your Frank who means the world and universe to you and beyond. It's been 5 months? I'm sorrowed for you having to seek out a club like this, but I am relieved that you have found this club. It's been 3 months for me, or actually 13 weeks. I, too, am on an antidepressant and Xanax. I know in my heart of hearts that our loved ones are driving our small amount of living we seem to still be able to do. Just last night, I was in the garage, where I found my partner, and without control, sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Then, suddenly dried up like an old piece of fried and dried bacon. My antidepressant kicked into overdrive, and I went to bed. I, like you, really, don't know what else to do. Imm glad you have your kids. I have my Mom. But, sometimes, I get the feeling she's feeling like, oh no, not this again. I just wanted you to know, while I can relate in more ways than meets the eye, I feel your pain over here in Central Indiana. And, your loss of your dear sweet wonderful Frank isn't going unnoticed by me. My name is John. Peace to your heart. I'm sending you my shoulder to cry on, beat up on, anything your heart desires.

Aug 02, 2012
40 years old is too young to go... I miss my husband
by: Doreen U.K.

Karen I am sorry for your loss of your husband. Try and get some grief counselling. You have two children and you are not able to care for yourself let alone them. You need support with your grief. A grief counsellor would be able to lift the lid on your pain and help you to work through your grief so that the pain was more bearable and the grief more manageable. You are in the same place as me. I was married 44yrs. I am 3 months into my grief and I HATE IT. I don't function as I would like to. I sit on the couch and get up often to do things. It is called pacing myself. I feel ill with grief. I feel as if I am going to have a heart attack due to grief. Grief feels as I have been beaten up and I can't move. It also feels as if I have the flu so badly I can't do anything. I am just waiting for this to go so that I can function again. Only it is taking too long. I guess you feel the same way. I don't know how long my grief will last but I feel as If things will stay this way forever and I just have to live with it. Death is the cruel price we pay for Life. We know it is coming but we aren't ready to face it. It is harder for the one's left behind. Our loved ones didn't want to die. This should prevent us from being angry that they left us. My belief is that we are just passing through this life and we live and then we die. The Actual Life is to come. Eternal Life. This is my HOPE. If I didn't have this Hope I would see no point in Living. I hope that your days ahead will get easier with support.

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