46 years together now on my own---

by Jorg
(Cambs. UK)

46 years being married to just the best wife looking forward to a holiday and then out the blue I find I am alone. In the space of 3 weeks my wife has died of Pancreatic cancer, those 3 weeks spent going to hospital every day, managed to get her home for the last week so that she was able to die at home. I can't get my head around it, I know she has gone, she died on the 9th May 2013, but I feel completely and utterly lost at present. My wife and I have had a wonderful marriage, we both retired 3 years ago and moved into a Bungalow, spent most of last year getting it ready, this year was going to be a little less work and more feet up time, enjoy a few trips out, until that horrible cancer came along.
While she was in hospital and knowing what was to come she was going to help get me ready for life on my own, show me how to iron my shirts that sort of thing, before any of that could happen she was gone, and I find myself completely lost, I class myself as very lucky, I had some great years with a wonderful woman, but I would have liked just a little more time with her.
I have no idea how long I am to stay on this earth myself, or what the future holds for me, life without my wife seems like no life, I am not able to put into words how I feel, when I look around the Bungalow it looks like my wife has gone out the door and everything is waiting for her return, yet that won't happen.
She was just 68 years old, same as me, someone must have wanted her badly to take her so quickly, I hope to see her again one day, it's all I have left now.

Comments for 46 years together now on my own---

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Jun 18, 2013
To Jorg who lost his wife
by: Anonymous

Dear Jorg, Sorry about your loss of your dear wife. I know, I understand, I grieve, and here's why:
I lost my husband whom I was married to for 44 years and whom I knew or 46 years. He was diagnosed suddenly with pancreatic cancer that was already Stage 4 with mets to liver, and then spread all over. I was in shock. Took him to a lot of other doctors for second opinions, even to Baltimore Md, to see if theycould operate.
He took the chemo and all the meds for 10 months and passed July 2012, the worst night of our lives.

No words can tell you, from me, how to cope because I have been crying since the day he was diagnosed, and haven't stopped. I don't know how to live without him; have no children, am just devastated, lost, have separation anxiety, and I don't even know how to describe the pain in my heart. I depended on him, am not a dependent woman, but he did all the great fixing things, house stuff, etc., and he was very talented, intelligent, and worked most of his life, not to even have a retirement--I feel he was robbed at too young an age - 64. I hate my life now, and I know I'm of no help to you writing this, but I can't lie--I can't describe all I feel, and how empty I feel and this house is so empty.

I go on because I don't want to sin against God who gave me life, and because my husband wouldn't want me to give up. But I feel physically sick over all of this stress, loss, pain, sorrow.

I will pray for you, and hope you will pray for me. We both need it. Blessings, Anon.

Jun 18, 2013
Thinking of you.
by: Emily

I was very moved to read your post and hear about your loss. Sometimes it is staggering to experience how intense pain can be. I identified with what you said very closely, though I'm 35. I lost my partner of 20 years 3 weeks ago. I feel that I have lost myself, my sense of a future, my purpose - left alive, but not living. At any rate, my thoughts are with you, I hope you can find people to talk to and a way to express some of the pain. The only other thing I would say is that I sometimes find it helpful to go out and walk - to the next town or something like that.

Jun 17, 2013
your sadness
by: Lawrence

That’s what you always have to remember is the forty six years you had in a wonderful marriage, you have to count your blessings, so many people are not as lucky as you.
I am in my sixth month since losing the only girl I ever loved and we were together for nearly seventy years from being young teenagers to the moment I closed her eyes and kissed her goodbye on her deathbed, I thank the good Lord for being so lucky to have had her for so long, as you should for your marriage...
I am still grieving badly and realize, as you will, that life will never be the same again, the tears are never far away and it takes any reminder like a song or seeing people holding hands and kissing to start me crying which can be embarrassing at times.
Everybody on this website has been, or is going through the intense heartache you are experiencing the grief and devastating loneliness which is now part of our lives.
I know my story will bring you no consolation because there is none to be found except to realize you have joined a club no one wants to be a member of but in every relationship one of you will die sooner or later and then you join the long queue of grieving spouses.
I hope you have family to cushion your sadness.
Look after yourself because you are very vulnerable at present and don’t be afraid of going to your doctor for help.
You are in all our thoughts.
Lawrence

Jun 17, 2013
Your wife
by: Kate

My heart goes out to you. Losing your mate is like losing half of yourself. The empty feeling is overwhelming. I lost my soul mate 19 years ago,I remember. Now I have lost my son just 7 months ago. He was 39. So hard. Death is the hardest thing ever to endure,I understand. It seems almost unbelievable. It will take many days to adapt and it will only be a semi adaption because death is not easy to accept! It is tremendously hard. We do go on somehow. We must go through grief and loss there is no way around it and its hard. My heart goes out to you.

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