4th of July

by Yvonne
(California)

Last Fourth of July Roger was in the hospital. It was his favorite holiday. Bar b q, fireworks and sparklers for the kids. He loved it. From his hospital bed he thought we could see the fireworks from Disneyland so we were in his room, myself , my son and my daughter-in-law. It was overcast. We couldn't see much out of his window. So around 8:30, he could tell I was getting real tired. I am a morning person always up at 4 no matter what. So he said "go home sweetheart I promise we will spend next 4th together. I'll make it a good one"

Well here I am. I beat myself up everyday for going home and not staying on his holiday. But that was before he was diagnosed with lung cancer. They told us he had pneumonia. We thought he would be fine. Two weeks later he died.

I am so sorry I didn't stay. I am going to spend today with him alone. I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!

Comments for 4th of July

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Jul 04, 2011
on July 4th Yvonne
by: Julia

Dear Yvonne,
I am returning home from a cook-out today. I know how you feel. I was miserable the whole time remembering all the July 4ths we spent together. Even though there was family around me chatting and enjoying themselves, I excused myself and went and had a good cry. I missed him so much. No one can ever take the place of our loving husbands. Don't be so hard on yourself about not staying that night. It was meant to be. I know we long to hold their hand and tell them we love them. I'm sure he loved you. He wanted you to go home and rest. God Blessed you with children to console you. I have no one but the Lord. Pray to him for Peace in your heart.

Jul 04, 2011
Happy 4th
by: TrishJ

Yvonne~
My husband Joe was the BBQ king of our neighborhood. He loved to cook anything on the grill. I hear you sister when you say you beat yourself up for leaving Roger. When Joe was transferred by ambulance to a larger hospital I made the decision not to accompany him. I'm so sorry I wasn't in the ambulance with him. They returned him to the hospital by our house and helicoptered him to a large cardiac hospital. It was already too late. I wasn't with him and I'm so sorry for that. We shouldn't do that to ourselves though. We are human beings and there is no way we could know.

I'm like you. I don't think I'll ever be with another man. I had the best. I'm as lonely as you are. My heart continues to break every day. Each holiday that comes brings back the memories like a flood. I try to tell myself daily that I should be thankful that I had him for as long as I did. I am......but that doesn't make it any less painful and lonely.
Take care. God bless.

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