5 losses in 2 years (4 human, 1 pet) but I'm surviving!!!
by Well Loved Daughter
I’m a 32yr old female and an only child who was so very blessed. My parents split amicably when I was about 3. Both remarried but my mother divorced my stepfather. He remains a dad to me even though they divorced when I was 12. He remarried in 2004 to a wonderful woman who I loved and who treated me as her own. My stepmother is also a volunteer “parent” who entered my life when I was about 4 or 5. My biological mother was a phenomenal woman and my idol. She battled several complications from diseases like double curve scoliosis, neurofibromatosis, and hydrocephalus. She and my father stayed friends and they both empowered me to be who I am today. Though, after the last 2 years of loss, I’m struggling some days to even do a load of laundry. My mother fell ill and stayed disabled not even a year after I graduated high school (her decline began in 1999 with a fall). She suffered permanent brain damage and eventually seizures that left her in poor mental condition similar to Alzheimer’s. I was her world and all she ever wanted was a baby girl to name her after her own mother who passed during her senior year in high school. My father and I were always close, like best friends and he helped me cope with missing my mother. I think a timeline best represents the losses:
06.30.2011 - Stepfather’s 2nd wife, age 51, died unexpectedly of a heart attack while lounging on a blow-up raft in the ocean the day before I was going to meet them there to celebrate July 4th. (personally I feel this is sort of the way to go … on vacation, happy, in the sun and quickly …)
11.17.2011 – my biological father lost his battle with cancer at age 64
05.14.2012 – my cat of 9 years passed away after having seizures in my arms
10.10.2012 – my stepdad’s father who was 91 passed away (though expected as he was older, still a loss)
05.29.2013 – my biological mother passed away at age 56
I don’t feel as though any of this is directed at me or punishing me for anything. I just feel a little lost in the world and constantly tense like waiting for the other shoe to drop or next death to occur. My stepmother just turned 70 and that has me anxious. All of my biological grandparents are gone already. The only grandparent left is my stepfather's mother and she just turned 90 or will this year. I’m single and got out of a long-term relationship in November 2010. I have my 2 feline children but otherwise I’m alone and I want hugs or a shoulder to cry on but then again I don’t… I’m just worried that I have not adequately grieved for one before another has happened …
I’m so sorry to everyone on here who is going through this. This is the worst time of my life!! It does make me curious though … Maybe it’s easier to get it all over with so close together? Just one big blow of overwhelming grief and for me loneliness? At least the pain is sort of concentrated this way? Like if it were spread out we’d begin to feel a false sense of security then BAM another death or loss? Hugs to you all.
I cannot get past how it will ever hurt less. My heart is broken and most days are good but the ones that are bad are just absolutely miserable and foul.