5 months and I still miss him

by Janet
(Dallas, TX)

Had a really rough 4 days. Sunday was 5 months since Jim passed. It was like reliving it all over again. I am doing better now than I was. I hated roller coasters and do not like the one I am on now. I always made the decisions about things when we were married. I tried to get him to make them after I retired. Now I am back to square one and where do I go from here. Trying to deal with every day things is so trying and no friends to speak of and a son who does not want me to get out and meet other people. I have tried to explain to my son that even at 5 months, I need to make a life for myself and make friends not get i;nto a relationship, just make friends. He goes to Bible Study and Church on Sunday but does not want me to me new people. I am having a hard time following his thoughts and have explained to him that I am not my mother who remarried less than 7 months after my stepfather passed away.
He does not like some of the things I do, like going up to the bar just to be around people and get out of the house for a few hours. He does not want me to meet new people unless they are involved with church. I told him that I am not ready for church yet and I may never be. I have not attended mass in over 25 years. Not sure I can nor do I want to at this point. It is not that I am angry with God. I know that he is with me every day. "Mister God, this is Anna" (the book) has been a real help for me lately, reading it for the upteenth time. It and "Who Moved My Cheese" and "Tear Soup" have definitely been a help.
What do you do when you are faced with situations like this? Trying to do the best I can but some days it is just so hard. I wish Jim was here because I know he would know what to do. Some days I feel so helpless and alone. I am slowly remembering how to take care of my car. I have not done that in over 25 years. I know that I must do it. Need to get the oil changed and a tune up. I over filled the power steering fluid box but got something to take out the extra fluid so I will do that tomorrow. I need to start his jeep tomorrow and not sure I can. It is standard and I have not driven a standard in years. I guess I will learn in the morning how to do it as I am remembering how to take care of my car. Deciding that the only person I can really depend on is ME and some days that really Sucks. There are days that life really does suck but we must go on. I wish my grandmother was here for me to talk with. She was my inspiration and my rock. I miss her so much and miss Jim so very much.
I Love you Jim.

Comments for 5 months and I still miss him

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Apr 04, 2012
You are Your Own Person
by: Judith in California

First of all Janet , your son needs to know the boundaries between a parent and Child. He means well but he is not to dictate to you on how or what you can or can't do. Even your husband didn't do that. You are in control of you and he can only control himself.
Tell him you thank him for his concern but you will and are going to do what you need to do to get through this healing process and to please stop trying to run your life. Tell him he is not helping you but thwarting your growwth as a person and if need be and if he lives with you tell him to move out. It's the last thing you need at this time. You will make your own decisions right or wrong.

I had to do that to my son. He became verbally abusive after my husband passed a few months back and thought he was going to move back in with me and do as he pleased. I told him all the things I am telling you about. He has to realize you are a person as well as his mother. He needs to step back. The Bible says to Honor your Father and Mother .

You will feel so good when you do the things you need to do and your attempting to fix the car and do things on your own. But if something gets too tough reach out to a neighbor to help but not your son as he will take it as a sign of weakness on your part.

There are good people out there who don't go to church and do just fine. I am one of them. I pray every day. My church is in my heart and it's between me and God and no one else.

Its still early in your grieving so take care in your process to peace and get what you need out of life from now on.

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