5 months and trouble with step-son

by Pat
(Green Bay, Wisconsin)

My husband passed away on Christmas Eve 2010. It was so hard to try to go through the holidays with a smile. His funeral was on December 29, which was also his birthday. It seems that I am having a harder time now, no energy, no interest in anything. I have 3 children and he had 3 children. It has been a long haul. My husband had emphysema for 11 years, has been in a wheelchair for 5 years,and was a morbidly obese alcoholic. I did everything in my power to make his life a good one.We were together for 20 years, married for 13. His kids would only come around when they needed money. Not once did they offer to stay with him so I could have a day off. His only son hadn't seen him in 4 years,his oldest daughter hadn't seen him for a year and his youngest daughter hadn't been around for 2 years. I took in his 17 year old granddaughter when her mother threw her out. It seems like I have been giving to his family and never have gotten anything in return except grief. I called a family meeting after he was hospitalized, to inform his kids about his hopeless condition. I had a doctor, clergy, palliative care nurse, R.N. and his kids present. When the doctor was telling us the grim news that he wouldn't be coming home, his son got up and accused us of killing him and slammed out of the meeting. Now I receive nasty emails from him about me killing his father. God knows I did everything I could for him. He was good to me and my children, no matter how he felt. He had bad days, where he was pretty depressed and crabby, but who wouldn't be when he had to fight for every breath he took!!
I just can't understand why his son is being such a jerk, other than he can't deal with his own guilt.
I miss my husband terribly!!

Comments for 5 months and trouble with step-son

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Jun 12, 2011
People say mean things
by: brenda

This story is like my daughter and son dad.We were married in 1973 and divorced in 1977,But we lived in the same area and had many of the same friends,well this one girls name Jenn always wanted Bubba but he choice to merry me.jenn went on to get married to someone else.Bubba died in 2009 , I think 2yrs they started seeing each other again after all these years.Aug of 2009 Bubba was told he had cancer and 3 months later he was gone.Also during this 3 months they were married now before my daughter was on all of his Life insurance,cars and his retirement,everything went to her,well he got $50.00 dollars from retiring from Pepsi.Well my children was not aloud to be around the father during his last few months because of the Wicked Stepmom they were not part of when this man died.The road in limos and they road in there cars.But i told them dont worry about it because it will come back around.Stay strong and dont let it bother you.
My own sister days to this day that my son was taken from me because i was a bad parent when he was 34 and died in 2009 If thats all they can say,and nothing else then sorry for then.You know in your heart what happened then the hell with them.

Jun 12, 2011
by: judith in California

Pat, I think you're right on about the stepson and guilt. IT's your choice to remain in his life or not . I would not. AND I would not even respond to his mean spirited e-mails. Please ignore him. I had a similar problem with my husbands oldest daughter. She went behind my back and attempted to get his ashes, then called a lawyer to get a copy of his end of life papers, then went on a money search and all but accused me of killing him. Not once did she ever call me and for that I'm grateful. It's been 9 months and I do not ever want to talk to her again.

You don't need the aggravation. You did enough to help their father and had enough on your hands and now having to deal with the grief of his death and selfish adult children. Too Much . Be kind to yourself Pat! Let them know you won't be available for them if that 's what you truly want. I chose not to talk with but only one of his 5 children. I was told by the oldest that they only tolerated me because of their dad.

Please ignore him and if you have to change your e-mail or phone number please do that too.

Take care of yourself first. you deserve it.

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