5 Months of Grieving

by Judith
(Winnetka, ca)

Hi All, it's been 5 months ago TODAY since my husband has passed. I want to thank Hope, Eunice, Jules, Jen and the rest, of so many whose names fail me now, for all your replies to my post.

So much has happened in such a short time. Stuff began going wrong with the house that needed fixing. His oldest daughter started thinking he had money she was supposed to get and began a money search which made me have to get a lawyer. She called the Crematory and insisted she get his ashes and a death certificate. These she had to get my permission and, of course, I didn't give. She wanted copies of all end of life documents and a copy of our Trust. She was entitled to that.

Then my son decided to come for a visit to see how I was and over time had become verbally abusive because he didn't like how i responded to him. And i was paying him to fix things around the house. I told him he had to get out because i would in no way tolerate his abuse and disrespect.

All of their actions have robbed me of my time to grieve and get focused on my future and I resent them for it.

I found cards my husband had bought (two years worth) for me for Valentine's Day, our 35th anniversary in March, Christmas and my birthday in Dec. He already had , when he still could write, put my name on one of them. So what I did was sign them for him and put them out for me to read today. I also had a years worth to give him so I addressed those "To Chuck in Heaven" and put them out for him.

I awoke this morning and lit a candle and put his picture in front of me in memory of his passing on this day 5 months ago. I'm truly sad and hurting and wishing for my past life with him.

Again , Thank you all for your kind,understanding and supportive thoughts.

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Feb 16, 2011
5 months
by: Jen

Hi Judith,

You have had a rough journey between one thing and another.
Some members of your family have taken over the time you needed for yourself.You sound ok tho, your stronger than you think and are coping well and certainly as best you can.

Like you this site has got me thro so much..All of you way way over there and me way over here in Northern Ireland..

Judith stand back, look at yourself, smile and be so proud of yourself.

Your doing Great!!

Stay in touch,


Feb 15, 2011
nearly 3 months for me
by: Lyn Ann

Dear Judith -

Nearly 3 months for me. I feel for you with all of the difficulty that you have had to go through.

How wonderful that your husband gave you two years worth of cards - it must be like a small message from him every time you look at one of them.

For me, as I expect for you - it's an emotional roller coaster - some hours good, some bad. In the good periods i can often do something productive - like cleaning out a bookcase. They I almost immediately want to put everything back because I miss the clutter that used to drive me crazy. And then I feel guilty for trying to get rid of his memories. You just can't win.

Yesterday I put up about 20 photos of Jim and us on the wall of his study. I planned to do this some time ago, but it took me ages before I got the mental and physical energy to do it, then yesterday it just felt right. So now I can go and sit in front of his memory wall - to look at him, or cry, or just sit. I told my friends about it and they give me weird looks like I'm trying to make myself feel bad...

I have been praying a lot and talking to God. This helps a great deal but the pain and the grief don't go away - they are necessary and I accept that I just have to go through it.

I'll be praying for you, take care, Lyn Ann

Feb 15, 2011
Don't let anyone interupt what you know you need.


I have become more selfish in grief, more self centered and much less tolerance for B.S.

There is only but so much that I can take and as we all know grief is physically as tiring as trying to pull your car with a rope all day.

If there were any benefit or possible growing from grief I will say that I do look at things entirely different. Some things that might have gotten on my last nerve no longer make a big diff.

Its all about what is important, what needs to be done and what can wait. My older child plans on coming home this summer for 2 months. I flat told him that I can't deal with him for 2 months a month would be better, that I have grown accustomed to my quiet life and do not want the chaos that once was my norm.

Being straight and honest is the one thing that is necessary for my survival and my sanity. I do not even know how to beat around the bush anymore. I think that it is great that you told your son and anyone else rubbing you the wrong way the simple and honest truth. Take the time you need to grieve and don't let anyone get in your way. It is a lot of work getting through and one of the hardest things we will ever do.
Good for you!:)

Feb 15, 2011
5 months of grieving
by: jules

You know that we are here for you - anytime you need to talk just come here - we will try to help you through this time.

Every day - one step, one breath -
take care

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