5 months

by Leah
(Greenfield, MA)

5 months
since I've been in the club.
The club,
that only solidifies itself in the boundaries of your mind
and in the minds of those
who have been dragged kicking and screaming into this society.
Only known by those who have been made members,
because those who aren't, fear it more than anything
and refuse to dip their toes,
let their minds venture,
into stinging cold waves of loss.
There is no swimming in these frigid waters,
only drowning.

WhyWhyWhyWhy?

It thrums through our skulls as tirelessly
and as relentlessly as the blood that pulses through our veins.
The blood we would give up in total,
for just one more day,
one more minute with them.
The rift between those of us who know, and those of us who are naive is all too real
and severely obtrusive.
The worth of everything you once thought to be essential
Gone.
When will she be truly gone?
My craving for her mothering haunts me almost as much as a proper "ghost" would.
When will these visors of guilt and longing stop clouding my vision
from all that is good?
Stop making me have that subtle resentment
for those who know no better than to care too much about things
without legitimate value?
It might just be the only club in which you feel lonelier upon joining
than you ever have been,
and will ever will be.