5 years after my divorce and the pain is there.
My ex-wife decided to cheat on me with an old high school friend. She tells me this on our second aniversary; we were together for a total of 5 years. I know it is not a long time to be with someone, but it still hurts. I felt blind sided, I still was in love with her. I know our life was not perfect, looking back I made so many dumb mistakes. However, I don't feel anything I did could have justified her adultry. I guess I'm lookin to make sense of the whole incident. So many hurtful things occurred after she told me. She posted pictures of the guy she is with only a month after our separation, she moved in with him after she told me we were done. She posted pictures over xmas, only 21/2 months later. I felt like I was treated like some kind of a jerk. I never hit her, abused her, I'm not a drunk, or drug addict. I did not ditch her to hang out with the guys, or let family get involved in our marriage. But what hurts in the end is she just did not want to be married to me. I don't know what was wrong with me. I rushed home to be with my wife after work, I look forward to our time together. I did not take her for granted. The whole thing makes me feel worse then I ever felt. I feel like a sacrificed so much to make her happy, but nothing made her happy. What is wrong with me, is the pain I harbor over this. I feel inadequate, cheated, betrayed, and tormented. I don't want her back, so why is the pain feel so fresh sometimes. Why do my thoughts drift to her and the pain? Maybe my belief system has been shattered, maybe what I thought of the world has been turned upside down, maybe my expectations were just unreal. Maybe all of this is just bulls**t. I just want to move on and not feel the pain of the betrayal. After 5 years, her birthday is tomorrow, is this why I'm feeling like this? I don't know if it matters if she knows how I feel, or what I go through, it hurts.
I'm sorry if I'm not making sense or just rambling, but I thought this might help me get my feelings out. There is no one to talk to that can offer any good advice. I 've heard all the cliches. They piss me off.!!!