It has been five years since my husband died. I believe I wrote on this site ages ago when I was in the beginnings of grief. I am now exhausted, angry, and just want to keep to myself. I don't really know how to put things into words for how I am feeling. my whole lifestyle has changed and I hate it. Everyday is a misery. the weekends come and I do nothing because I am so worn out with working all week. I don't know what to do.
There are days that bring my husband to mind and I think about our life as it once was and the deep ache is always there. I went through the shock and walked around in a fog, I also went through the "I can do everything" stage but felt overwhelmed. Lately , I am miserable at how everything has changed for me. I guess I just don't enjoy anything anymore cause I am so exhausted trying to survive. I feel blessed that the Lord has watched over me...just angry with where I am right now in life.
Bittersweet by:
Bittersweet, Did you stop coming here because it stopped helping or because you thought you had done your full run with grief? If you are still grieving, yes seek couseling etc. Let it out. How has your life changed? What do you hate about it? Is it the fact that you can no longer share it with him. Is it because of what grief caused you to become? We are here, talk to us... HH
Me TOO??? by: TrishJ
As I read your post ~ I wonder if I will feel the same in four years and 9 months. It's almost three months since my husband died. I'm just sort of existing. I was in a total state of shock for 60 days. Now the reality is settling in and it sucks. We were married for 35 years. I don't feel like I want to be angry just yet.....but I know that will come. Why should I (at the age of 58) have to face the rest of my life without my soul mate? Why do all of my friends still have their husbands? I come from a family of long lives (well into their 90s). I don't want live 35 more years without my husband.
I keep thinking I'm making progress but I really don't want to venture into a life without him. I have no idea where God will lead me but I have no desire to be in a life without Joe right now. I hope you find some joy in this day, knowing that others care and are going through your exact situation. Blessings to you.
